Cutting off MIL...am I in the wrong?

Please don't reply to anymore of my posts. You are reading/misinterpreting everything incorrectly and it's tiresome to have to keep repeating this.

Would bloody love to hear the MIL side of things.

She has no obligation to but she offered simple.

This is not about if she has an obligation to or not, OP has not said she is upset because MIL didn't want to help. The issue is not only did MIL offer to help look after the baby then changed her mind, then offer to pay the nursery fees until they can pay back and then leave them hanging, but that she got upset that they got someone else to help.

Many mothers and MIL help their children with childcare, house reposts etc so I don't get this narrative of there is no obligation there OP is BU.

I'm not being horrible to OP, but OP is only putting the very bare minimum of information and it isn't telling anything from MILs point of view OR from her own fiance's point of view.. which means she isn't considering anything from their points of view.. only her own.

All the stuff you just put above is basically broken biscuits, no one knows any of that because the only snippets of information that are being given are being given with absolutely zero context.. usually when that happens, it's because the OP is only interested in telling 'their truth' and don't really consider that there may be more sides to the story.. which was abundantly clear when OP neglected to mention that she 'fell out with' MIL before the baby was born and hasn't had a relationship with her since.. it changes the narrative from what she said originally of a loving MIL who she had a great relationship with who suddenly changed for no reason.

MIL could be a horrible person, in which case why are they asking her for money anyway? or relying on her? Or it could be a bit of both, bad MIL and bad relationship with OP, none of it makes much sense in the context that OP has given in fairness.

YABU and you sounds like hard work.

Again that is not the point of this thread, she she already said they will be able to afford it with the funded hours.

And if your intention was to let them know what they are re entitled to, your came out the wrong way because it was blaming OP while trying to justify why MIL may have said what she said.

I'm all for MIL bashing usually but you're being unreasonable here OP

She has no obligation to look after your baby, no obligation to pay for nursery fees, no obligation to respond while she's on holiday. It's your baby and your and your DP's responsibility.

So should people not post practical advice? I'd rather know if I was entitled to some financial support towards childcare rather than borrowing money that will need to be repaid

OP has already made other arrangements so your UC suggestion has absolutely nothing to do with her post about going NC following her MILs reaction.

Yes there are 2 sides to the story same as for every single pair on mumsnet and yes I have read the other thread that many of you keep pulling up like it makes OP some horrible monster or something, it doesn't.

Unless you have proof that OP is lying there is no justification for MILs reaction at all.

I have no idea why you keep misinterpreting my posts I didn't say anything about the funded hours being guaranteed or not?
My suggestion was perhaps the op look into uc and see if she's entitled to claim support for her childcare fees if they are struggling.
There are two sides to every story and we only hear one. Like most posters I'm just here to offer advice/opinion I haven't defended the mil

Edit

No apostrophe needed in Mums...it's a plural

HTH

But if that was the case, it wouldn't be unreasonable of the MIL to want to wait until she got back to sort the bill out, I'd be annoyed if someone was pestering me on holiday unnecessarily.

If the MIL was that flaky, bear in mind that OP hasn't spoke to her properly since the fall out before the child was born, then why would they be relying on her at all?

My point is, there's obviously more to this story, but OP has proved that she is only putting her side across and leaving out any pertinent information which may explain way MIL is not as receptive as she was, she is also ignoring all questions about what her fiance is doing while all this is going on, it is his mother after all, he should be the one asking for money and communicating with her, not OP who actively fell out with her months ago.

Mumsnet is a horrible place filled with boomers or rich women who have no sympathy for the working mother. I have no idea why people are being so mean to you.

This woman went back on her word about providing childcare and then paying for childcare, and now shows very little interest in her granddaughter.

You haven’t banned her from seeing your granddaughter but you’re preserving your own mental health by not interacting with her.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’m sorry you’ve had so much vitriol sent your way.

Really that's your argument? That MILs response was because she doesn't know it's imminent?

What does when the invoice is due mean? OP was returning to work and nursery timing was key. If MIL really wanted to help she could take a few minutes from her freaking vacation and sort it out not tell her don't contact me for a few weeks. That's utter bullshit. Is that how you would reach to your child if they contacted you about the help you offered?

If it wasn't due why was OP and her fiancee scrambling and asking his father to help? And why was MIL the getting upset that they got someone else to help?

How does MIL.kmle the bill isn't due I tol she gets back? Did she ask to confirm? I would accept that if she asked and said ok there is time I will sort it out when I return. But her response was i'm on vacation don't contact me for a few weeks.

But you are desperate to defend the MIL and accuse OP of being horrible that you make up the excuse for MIL that maybe it wasn't due until she returned but reject OPs view that it was imminent 😆

And I've seen her other post and what she said was the similar to many posts on mumsnet where new mothers clash with MIL about taking care of new baby and boundaries etc. noen of that justified MILs horrible reaction so far and infact her reaction shows she is a controlling horrible person. Really she is going to fire her son, WTF???

Either it was due while she was away or, if it was not, OP's DP recognized the signs of his mother flaking out again and didn't want to be left in the lurch.

Obviously the invoice is due and cannot wait while MIL enjoys her multi week no contact vacation

We don't know that... op only said she 'contacted her closer to the time', if I was MIL and this bill wasn't due until I got back from holiday, I'd tell them not to keep pestering me on holiday about it if it could wait, I'd be miffed if they then went behind my back to make alternate arrangements with someone else, just because I wasn't doing things to their (unnecessary) timeline.

OP has a habit of leaving things out of her posts to paint herself in a better light and make her MIL look worse (as her previous thread shows), so who knows the actual truth here.

She has form for offering and rescinding which is what they have found out with this experience so it's unfair to accuse her of being wrong for believing the grandmother would help when she offered to. As I adviced OP she doesn't have to cut he off but keep her at arms length and have absolutely no expectations from her.

However I can't get funded hours until Jan so my fiance and I have to pay for her nursery fees

Is your argument that the funded hours is not guaranteed therefore OP is wrong and MIL is right? Seriously???

Btw the amazing MIL you're defending is now threatening to fire her son, she is a horrible controlling person.

Also OP while disappointed was not going NC because MIL didn't help but because of MILs angry messages when she found out that someone else had helped. That's the issue. If she is not willing to help anyway WTH is she upset that her ex husband is helping?

There is no way you can justify MILs reaction and response. If you give someone your word to help you stick to it, it conditions have changed and you can't help anymore you handle it maturely and speak to them but MIL choose to berate them for contacting her while on vacation when it's obvious paying the nursery bill is imminent and the has the guts to get upset when they seek help from someone else.

Wow mother of year award goes to MIL for her outstanding achievements in abandoning her own child, flaking on her grandchild and then threatening to sack her son 🏆

Your DH needs to look for another job. Don't allow this woman to be in a position of power over your family again.

You say MIL has form for offering then rescinding help so you'd be unwise to rely on her for anything - especially childcare. Do check whether you might qualify for UC or any other benefit to help with costs until January.
I'd also see if your DF can start looking for a new job elsewhere as I'd not be happy that she's threatening to sack him.

I have no idea what you are talking about perhaps read the post again where did I mention anything about the mother in law saying she couldn't afford it?
From my reading the mother in law offered to help. She has form for offering and rescinding offers of help later so I wouldn't have relied on it.
You have also assumed the op thought she could get funded hours she didn't say this only that they don't start until January. Perhaps take your own advice?

She MIL sounds like a terrible mother if she is threatening to fire her own son.

Are you quoting the wrong post, that was in response to @Cerealkiller4U