Cutting off MIL...am I in the wrong?

Why have you had a baby if you can’t afford the nursery fees. It’s very irresponsible of you. It’s not up to your MIL to pay your nursery fees.

No you don't need to cut her off because she's saying she is doing that isn't she?
Or if not, no I don't think this is a good move, 'cutting people off' from family is really just a trendy current way of not dealing with family relationships that are often complicated & not straightforward. She's not abusive is she, just try to demonstrate a positive role model for your child & try to get on with her.

Mate, I think you lost the audience when you said she doesn't like your social posts.

If you do this it’s going to make the situation even more unpleasant. I would leave communication with your mil to your partner.
The social media stuff is irrelevant.

You need to stop relying on people. She sounds really annoying. Promising stuff, asking for no contact on holiday etc. But you both being so awful with finances is what I would concentrate on.

She would most definitely be very low on my list of people I would put myself out for but I certainly wouldn’t go to the massive effort and impact no contact brings!

YABU.

You and your partner had only known each other for 6 months (together 2 years, 9 month old baby) when you became pregnant.
So presumably she also didn't know you very well. Perhaps as things have gone on she's just not very keen and has changed her mind about helping you- is there more complication to your relationship with her than is stated in the original post?

If you have a big fall out over this you will be the one who looks unreasonable. Everyone will know you aren't talking to her because she didn't give you money.

Aside from that, it's a big thing to cut someone out. It will drive a wedge between your partner and his mother and between your child and her grandmother. I don't think your MIL has done anything to deserve such an extreme reaction.

Yes she disappointed you and let you don't and it's understandable you are annoyed about that, but I would try to let the dust settle. Don't escalate things as it sounds like things have been good between you all in the recent past and you may well need her in the future. It's also much less stressful to have a harmonious family life than one at odds with everyone.

Try and let it wash over your head and lower your expectations about what she can offer you. You know you can't rely on her for money now, just deal with it. The social media stuff is unimportant so try to ignore that.

YANBU - she sound very unreliable.

It seems that people can’t resolve differences and misunderstandings any more. Or at least learn to manage with flawed relationships.

All this cutting off that people mention seems so dramatic and final.

I don't think your being immature either*

You asked if you were being unreasonable and most people have told you that they think you are. Why do you think anyone, mums or anyone else, should support someone without question when they think they are in the wrong?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. She shouldn't have offered if can't pay on time, obviously you'd have to chase her and would take someone else's offer.

Only thing I'm wondering is why you're dealing with it and not your partner if his mum?

Sorry you've met such judgement on this - AIBU is worst thread for that!

But you asked for views! If you don’t want criticism then don’t ask strangers on the internet what they think.

I can see why you are annoyed if she’s been flaky on childcare, but it does sound a bit like you’re throwing a wobbly because she isn’t giving you what you want. Nobody owes you childcare or the means to fund it. And why did you leave it until she was on holiday to start pestering her for money? Why couldn’t you wait until she was back? How long was she away for?

Yikes she doesn't want to pay the fees or doesn't have the finances to do so. She isn't a bank

She's shown you that you can't rely on her.

She told you she would look after baby when you returned to work, then went back on it. She told you she would pay nursery fees then obstructed it by refusing to sort it out because she was on holiday. Of course you had to go to someone else, what did she think you would do?!

She sounds like she's been pretty passive aggressive and dismissive of you too.

I probably wouldn't go no contact over this, but I would not ask for help nor rely on her again. If she gets upset about that, and annoyed that you're seeking help from others, that's her issue to deal with.

I'd also lower your expectations of her. She clearly isn't going to be the grandparent you thought she would. That's her choice!

Quite.

Your MIL is a mum too. You want people to judge her but not you.

YABU.

Look, I get that on Mumsnet, when everyone is on a mega salary, it’s easy to say ‘you should pay for your own DC childcare’. There are lots of people in the country (unrepresented on MN) who rely on family childcare to keep their heads above water.

But it sounds like you didn’t have a plan at all when you fell pregnant after a brief relationship. I’m sure you have your reasons. But I wouldn’t be bankrolling a couple of kids who decided to have a kid without a plan. Time to grow up and stand on your own two feet rather than spitting feathers about NC and the like.

If she has promised something, then reneged, I would be annoyed and feel let down. But, as the old saying goes (i'm paraphrasing) 'if you are old enough to have a baby, then you are old enough to figure out the nuances of paying for babies needs'. I wouldn't ask her for help or rely on her again, but no contact seems a bit extreme.

How are you planning to pay back? Why didn't you save up when you found out you were pregnant instead of "borrowing" or expecting free childcare from MIL? She's allowed to change her mind, she doesn't owe you childcare. Only people that owe your child care are you and her father.

As for getting the huff because she's not telling you she's proud because you post on social media, that's really immature.

You’ve asked if you are being unreasonable, and you’ve gotten an answer you don’t like OP.

Supporting others doesn’t just mean blindly agreeing with them even when they are in the wrong.

I think you are being very unreasonable I’m afraid.

I have to say I also think YABU.

She didn’t wanted to be hounded about bills while on holiday, that’s certainly not a crime. And instead of her son speaking to her about it he’s just asked his dad instead.