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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a word with other bridesmaid?

40 replies

ChangingMyNameForTheWeek · 06/10/2024 19:24

I am a bridesmaid for a lovely friend. Another has form for always making weddings about her in some way and stressing the bride out about her appearance before the wedding. This week we decided on dresses and the bride was excited - friend ( other bridesmaid ) has messaged the bride letting her know ( guilt tripping her ) that she will need to diet to feel good in the dress and would have picked something else. The bride loved these dresses, so did all of us and they are a really good option no matter what figure you're sporting. I know the bride would have been gracious about it but I can see this going how it did with our last friends wedding - friend didn't lose any weight despite having ten months to do so ( nobody said she needed to but she bought it up every day including directly to the bride the day before her wedding when clearly nothing was going to change ) and she will inevitably keep going on until the bride gets fed up and tells her straight. When this happened before she told everyone how unreasonable the bride was and as she was so upset about her weight everyone sympathised with her. What I don't want is for this time, our friend ( the bride ) to have the joy of her day taken away from her because our friend can't just shut up for once. Do I need to say to her to rein it in as one of the other bridesmaids or shall I leave it? Fwiw the bride is really lovely and it'll upset her with this friend keep going on. She's usually okay, if not a little immature but weddings seem to make her go crazy. As far as I'm concerned if you're a bridesmaid you should wear a sack if asked to do so and be happy about it or just withdraw.

Yabu - don't say anything, the bride chose her to be a bridesmaid and will have to deal with it if she gets too much.
Yanbu - say something, the bride shouldn't have to as it's her wedding and bridesmaid friend is not being very nice

OP posts:
SpiggingBelgium · 06/10/2024 19:46

I can see why you’d want to say something to her, but realistically, will it do any good? Why is she going to listen to you now when she hasn’t listened to others before?

ThinWomansBrain · 06/10/2024 19:45

give her a choice of 16 or 18, take it in if needed

TeenToTwenties · 06/10/2024 19:43

AmyDudley · 06/10/2024 19:40

`I think I'd tell her that she gets the dress in the size she is now, and if she loses weight it can be taken in it's much easier to make a dress smaller than to make it bigger.
It sounds as if she is either very insecure or very attention seeking, but frankly no one really cares what the bridesmaids are wearing, as you say if the dress is hideous you suck it up because its not all about you.

Agree. Much easier to take a dress in than expand it.

AmyDudley · 06/10/2024 19:40

`I think I'd tell her that she gets the dress in the size she is now, and if she loses weight it can be taken in it's much easier to make a dress smaller than to make it bigger.
It sounds as if she is either very insecure or very attention seeking, but frankly no one really cares what the bridesmaids are wearing, as you say if the dress is hideous you suck it up because its not all about you.

UghFletcher · 06/10/2024 19:40

It doesn't have to be in a nasty way but just point the facts out - this is what happened last time and this was how it affected people. We have noticed you said 'xyz' and it's repeating that previous behaviour which is unacceptable'

Lays it out straight for her.

ChangingMyNameForTheWeek · 06/10/2024 19:35

Thfrog · 06/10/2024 19:35

Presumably the bride is aware how she behaved for the last wedding and is ok with this

I think so but we are all school friends so it was inevitable she was going to be a bridesmaid and the bride is too soft to even think she has a choice.

OP posts:
Thfrog · 06/10/2024 19:35

Presumably the bride is aware how she behaved for the last wedding and is ok with this

ChangingMyNameForTheWeek · 06/10/2024 19:34

UghFletcher · 06/10/2024 19:32

I'd have to say something, especially if she has form for this. Don't let her make it all about her (again) by the sounds of it.

I think I need to. Do you think I should tell her if she needs to rant to do it with us but just not the bride? I feel like it's a compromise she might be able to keep to but then I feel bad cos it's like we will all be hearing her moan behind the brides back about her choices. I can just see hat at this rate we are all going to have tears again on the wedding day which is no fun for anyone.

OP posts:
GeraniumJenny · 06/10/2024 19:34

Agree with @UghFletcher .

UghFletcher · 06/10/2024 19:32

I'd have to say something, especially if she has form for this. Don't let her make it all about her (again) by the sounds of it.

ChangingMyNameForTheWeek · 06/10/2024 19:32

Bogginsthe3rd · 06/10/2024 19:29

I don't understand - has the bridesmaid tried on the dress ? Does it come in other sizes ? How fat is she ?

Sorry should've clarified, yeah she has. She's not fat imo size 16 very average and other bridesmaids are bigger, she wants a size down though which the bride found really difficult to discuss with her because of the previous wedding. It's not that she couldn't get a size 16 closer to the day if she needed to, the dress actually fitting isn't an issue, it's how she behaves about whatever has been picked for her and the downer she puts on it all.

OP posts:
ChangingMyNameForTheWeek · 06/10/2024 19:30

TeenToTwenties · 06/10/2024 19:26

Can you clarify please.
Who is the bridesmaid expecting to diet, the bridesmaid herself or the actual bride?
I got lost with all the hers.

Sorry I have made it a bit confusing reading back. The bridesmaid is saying she will diet to the bride if she's going to wear the dress. That in itself would be fine as a throwaway comment but last time she said this it became a bit of a condition that she would update the bride on - so she said she wanted a dress too small, bride bought it, she then kept telling her she wasn't fitting into it and left it too late to do anything but was telling the bride the day before how she didn't want to wear it etc. It's just very stressful when this happens and the wedding before was really overshadowed as she would go on and on in the chat about how much she hated the dress and had been dieting etc but nothing was working.

OP posts:
Bogginsthe3rd · 06/10/2024 19:29

I don't understand - has the bridesmaid tried on the dress ? Does it come in other sizes ? How fat is she ?

Lissyy · 06/10/2024 19:28

I wouldnt wear whatever the bride told me I was. If I hated it I couldn't just wear it. I'd withdraw as a bridesmaid if the bride wasn't OK with this.

TeenToTwenties · 06/10/2024 19:26

Can you clarify please.
Who is the bridesmaid expecting to diet, the bridesmaid herself or the actual bride?
I got lost with all the hers.