What do I do now? SA by friend

Withdraw I would without engaging it's sometimes the best way.
Leave the block on. You don't need to engage.

Sometimes walking away is best for your sanity messaging just gets your more involved.
Silence is powerful.
He's not the right friend for you.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please seek advice from a rape crisis charity, they have helped me so much over the years when something similar happened. My biggest regret is not seeking help sooner.

@lookingforadvice26
I just wanted to say first: I am so sorry this happened to you. It was SA, no question. I suggest that if you do decide to respond in any way, you could: take your time, compose exactly what you want to say (maybe on pc/other platform. When you are happy you've covered what you want to say, unblock, send, then immediately block again. If it was me, my message would include something along the lines of: "it is a matter of fact that I woke up to find you sexually assaulting me. It is also a matter of fact that,due to this gross and unforgivable betrayal of our friendship, I no longer wish to have anything to do with you. So don't bother trying to contact me ever again. Any attempt to do so will result in an immediate report to the police." Then an immediate block. I hope your good friends are there for you and 🫂💐

What he did was vile.

If a man did this to him, I wonder if he’d be ok with it or not (assuming you are a woman).

Funnily enough, these predators don’t find anything wrong with it until a man does it to them.

You don’t need to do anything right now.
Leave him blocked and give yourself time to decide what you’d like to do.

As PPs have said, perhaps speaking to a sexual assault charity may be helpful.
It doesn’t mean you need to go to the police or take it further in any way.

I would say the benefit of you messaging him would be to protect yourself in the future if required. If he turns up to see you and you want to call the police it would be useful to have something documented.

It's a contemporaneous note if you do send the suggested message.

If things get nasty, it may be useful.

Mimic what some others have said please speak to the rape crisis centre or a similar charity. They helped me when I was assaulted while drunk and asleep at a house party. I always thought it was my fault and it wasn't rape as I didn't fight.

I tried suppressing it and it was really really detrimental to my mental health but the amazing people at the rape crisis centre helped my awcknodge what happened and sort through my emotions

@lookingforadvice26 I agree with @SauviGone - let him know that touching someone without consent is assault and that is why you are done with him then block. He KNEW you aren’t interested and has no respect and did it anyway. And he clearly waited to take advantage when you were asleep, hadn’t tried while you were awake. If he had you might have gone home.

Report to the police. They may not be able to press charges, but it might at least send him a strong signal that this is utterly unacceptable behaviour and maybe frighten him enough to not try it again.

I agree with others, unfortunately I wouldn’t bother reporting to the police but it’s the best thing to do if you’re able. I would send a very clear and blunt message then block on everything. This wasn’t a blip, he has shown you who he really is – nice people don’t sexually assault sleeping women by mistake

This…
it is exactly what you should do.

i sadly also agree if it was me I wouldn’t bother with the police as it’s he said she said and then you have the trauma of it dragging on and him either not being prosecuted or being found not guilty

This is good advice.

I had a male friend who made it clear he wanted more. I didn't. We spent a lot of time together.. Always sober at home but went to clubs with other people.. 1 night he said he was prepared to be making a mistake but could he kiss me? I said yes but he would never have done so without specific consent.

Ultimately he has no respect for you op. So sorry you have lost your friend.. I lost mine too. We were both too fresh out of marriages and it was doomed... Haven't spoke to him for 16 years. A big miss.

im not saying it’s your responsibility OP, but this is unlikely to be the last time he tries this kind of thing. At least if the police have a record of it, then at least it’s building a picture of this person incase it’s needed in the future.

You don't owe anybody anything, but in a similar circumstance I reported so the police had a general picture of a person. He had children and I didn't want him to think that being a predator was OK as long as women and girls keep quiet, for him.

Suicide would be entirely his choice and not your fault, and not a green card to assault women with impunity.

@lookingforadvice26 I can absolutely understand you feeling this way , as until he committed this crime he was your friend. It'll take you a while to detach and find your anger. But please base your decisions on you , and your life. His feelings stopped mattering when he touched you without consent.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Yes, it's sexual assult and it's compounded by the fact you thought you could trust this person.

I woukd actually text to say, I woke up to you sexually assaulting me, don't ever come near me or contact me again.

Personally, I would report it but I know that's not the same decision for everyone and it's also a case of he said/she said.

Would you consider talking to someone about it, either a sexual assult helpline or a clinic?

Id love to believe that in this situation I would straight away report to the police, but I know the reality is very different.

I hope you can access some support.

I agree that you should message him stating what happened and asking him to not contact you again. I bet he will and could well incriminate himself.

Would you consider reporting it to the police? This man is a sex offender and risk to women. But many women would not wish to go through the legal process which I completely understand, no judgement if that is not right for you. It’s very sad to have lost a friendship too.

I'd say get him to admit it.
Ask what exactly he's sorry for. And why

Then report. The next person may not get the chance to get up and walk away

I would try and get him to admit what he did via message, maybe ask something like "why did you do it?" And hopefully you'll get something on record.

Then go to the police and get this fucker arrested. Sorry you're going through this OP x

I'm so sorry this was done to you without your consent. It's not your fault, it's 100% his.

You might like to get some counselling to process your feelings about it.

Who knows what they would do if they were actually in the position that you are in. I think I would want to send him one message: You sexually assaulted me. and then block and keep blocked. So that he could not continue to pretend that it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Offer up an ultimatum . Either he accepts he sexually assaulted you and respects your decision to end the friendship or he gets reported to the police. And mean it. If he keeps harassing you then do report him. In your shoes being rid of him and moving on would be sufficient for me
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