What do I do now? SA by friend

Well done!

I am sorry to hear about what happened, OP, and like many other posters, want to reassure you that this isn't your fault. it's ok to feel disappointed but hopefully you can stop blaming yourself for not realising before that he wasn't as 'morally sound' as you used to think.

I agree with everyone else who's recommended calling Rape Crisis and/or visiting a local SARC - they will all offer you non-judgemental support, and advice if you need it. It's totally normal to find yourself thinking about an incident like this multiple times a day, and lots of ways to heal and recover, which they can help you with. (eg sometimes writing down a detailed account of what took place can help you clear it from your brain a bit)

Well done for sending him such a clear, unarguable message about what he's done. I hope losing your friendship makes him seriously reflect on his behaviour and change how he treats women in future, but you are not responsible for his emotional wellbeing/ helping him to change!

It might be worth thinking about how you might want to address this with any mutual friends or acquaintances (anyone who's going to notice that you aren't friends with this guy any longer), and if you feel ok about doing it, work out a clear, unambigiuous message you can give them ("he sexually assualted me while i was sleeping, knowing full well that I had not consented to him touching me") to explain what happened, so they understand why you don't want any contact with him in future. and don't want them to even inadvertently share information about you/ your family/ life with him. and don't want to hear about them spending time with him.
This would have the added benefit of making any other women in his circles more aware of his disgusting behaviour, and less likely to trust him in future.

Only go to the police if you really want to. Not because lots of people on here have urged you to do so. The SARC is a much better source of help (in my experience).

again, I'm really sorry you're going through all this.

Well done OP. That couldn't be clearer.

He's trying to pretend nothing happened Op, or if it did it was because you'd both been drinking, so now he's trying to make it sound as if you're both responsible for what happened. Please message him, just the once, and state clearly that he SA you, it was his fault and in no way did you consent.
If he calls at your home again then I'd report him to the police.

@lookingforadvice26 it’s him, he’s disgusting. How dare he minimise this. As others have said, this was non-consensual, an assault.

Don’t let this guy ruin your day, what you decide to do about him is another thing entirely and not something that you need to act on immediately

yes to the counselling, yes to rapecrisis and any other support in the meantime while you navigate your way through this difficult time.

youre in control here. He gets no say in your life or your mood. Take back your power

we’re all here for you @lookingforadvice26

in so sorry this has happened to you

rapecrisis.org.uk/

I think even if you don’t want to go to the police, I would send one message saying “You sexually assaulted me. I did not consent and you knew I did not consent. Do not contact me again”. Hang on to the written message.

I totally get why you don’t want to even think about it anymore but perhaps if you report it they can warn him off? Or send one message telling him he SA you and to never contact you again then block him on everything so you’re not waiting for a response?
I'm sorry you’re having to go through this

What a horrific time you’ve had, I’m so sorry for all the shit that’s been thrown at you and now this. It happened to me except it went a step further. I buried it but have struggled with body memories and flashbacks for over 15 years, so I’m finally addressing it through EMDR. I’m so glad you’ve found a counsellor, I think it’s really important to address and process these things sooner rather than later. Fucking bastards.

With the latest development of the card and flowers, it’s getting into stalking/harassment territory. Do you feel safe? Do you think he would turn up at your house?

This happened to me in my 30’s. I was in shock for so long. I am so sorry this happened to you op. They are awful entitled bastards.

no contact. Cut him out completely

I ran into one of his really close friends a few years later who asked me what happened and why we weren’t friends anymore . I told him. I am still glad I did this.

look after yourself op. It takes time to process and work out how you feel.

I mean, I'm guessing he doesn't actually give a fuck about you, or your friendship, he's just trying to cover his arse.

Fucking bastard. I would do exactly what @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor suggests. He needs a strong message.

I'm not surprised. Regain your power and send him the message and mean it, police ofy he contacts you again as that is harassment surely?

Don't let him spoil your evening, try and enjoy your date x

Oh no, that's awful. He's minimising what happened describing it as a drunken night.

I would send him a message saying " You're sorry for sexually assaulting me? If you contact me again I will go to the police."

Jesus, that's turned my stomach. He knows full fucking well what he's done and I'm guessing he's shitting himself about the consequences, the bastard.

I'm sorry OP, he's a vile fucker. If you contact him, I would write "I was asleep! It was not an 'encounter'. I did not consent." Then it is on your cell in a message to him if it is ever needed in the future. But I fully understand if you can not do this. Take care of yourself

Are you ok? I'm sure that has thrown you.

He is minimising this. He might even mean it but it doesn't change what it did and drink is no excuse.

I would be tempted to tell him that what he refers to as a drunken night is sexual assault but I understand it's most likely easier to ignore him.

Totally agree with @5128gap it's very serious.

I think you should report to the police. Getting into bed with a sleeping woman who you know does not want sex with you and assaulting her is not a 'blip' its a serious crime committed by a man with no morals/conscience and/or mental health issues. Either way, he is potentially a danger to other women, who like you believe his pretence of decency. The chances of conviction are low, yes. But every report is a piece of the jigsaw and if he does it again increases some other woman's chance of justice. Any threats of suicide are a separate issue to this. There is an extremely high rate of suicidal ideation amongst pedophiles but we wouldn't allow them to continue for fear they'd take their lives. The principle is the same. His mental health cannot be allowed to endanger women. I hope you're OK OP.

This.

He needs to understand what he did.

Please don't ever blame yourself for any of this, these bastards are good at hiding what they are.

I'm so sorry you've been through this on top of everything else you've had to deal with. Please be kind to yourself.