What do I do now? SA by friend

Please call the police. You deserve justice and he could be dangerous.

So now it's harassment as well as sexual assault.

@lookingforadvice26 I think it’s police time now. Take all the things from after; texts, flowers etc and leave it with them. This appears to be escalating and you do not need that hassle in your life.

I really would call the police, it doesn't sound like he's going to give up. Very persistent which is worrying. Protect yourself OP, get a Ring bell at the very least .

Great message to your friend, nice and clear, well done x

He is going to try and brazen this one out op. There is a total absence of remorse. He is confident you won’t report him, he is calculating that he can gas light you into believing this is just another drunken night…. This is clearly not the first time he has done something like this either. He was very careful not to admit anything on the note, and the SM post doesn’t name you either.

Keep this man far far away from your kids. This is a grooming exercise where he tells you it is just one of those things and of course he would never hurt you. Despite already doing so. A dangerous predator that needs reporting to the police.

Wow. He is nuts. Stay well away from him forever. Do not ever unblock him and if you happen to run into him somewhere and he says hello, say nothing and walk away.

So sorry op, I would report tbh. He’s clearly delusional and needs a proper talking to about it xx

@lookingforadvice26 for me, that post is a kind of future faking, he’d have found someone and come back to you with details trying to distract you from the SA

dont let it get to you, have a plan to contact the police if he becomes a problem

you got this. We got you.

I'm so sorry to read your update. He sounds like he's still trying to manipulate you and control the situation. What a horrible situation to be in and I'm so sorry he's continuing to put you through this. None of this is your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I do hope you're in a position to cancel the Australia trip, like others have said I'd be concerned he'll turn up anyway if you do still go. Reporting aside as I think that is 100% your decision, I think your best bet is to block him on every form of contact you can think of that he'd be able to get to you so that you don't have to hear from him. If he sends you anything again it would be worth considering reporting him for harassment though as he's clearly doing it to intimate you.

I do hope you're doing as okay as can be right now. Also RAINN have a helpline which you can contact if you feel you need to speak to someone. They were recommended to me when I was sexually assaulted, I didn't end up contacting them in the end but they were highly recommended by one of my university lecturers.

He's trying to act normally so he can defend himself if you ever accuse him publicly.

He's pretending nothing happened.

I agree with @DuckbilledSplatterPuff - he’s also faking continued engagement. Like you’re continuing to dialogue with him like nothing happened and he can feign in innocence. He’s very practiced.

So sorry you are going through this. Could you report to police but put a pause on whether you press charges?

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff it doesn't work like that in the UK. Once you've reported it, it's up to the police and the CPS to decide on the course of action. They won't drop a case just because you want them to.

I think you were right to send it. He tried to rape you and he can't get away with not even being called out on it. I'd be inclined to report it tbh in case he continues stalking you, his mental health is not your problem.

I think the baby sitting enquiry has several motives.

He's trying to pretend that everything is normal. that he's a Helpful nice guy and looking forward to Australian trip. then he can play the victim when the trip is cancelled by you.
He's maybe also hoping to use it in a further contact to to say.. Oh by the way, I've found a baby sitter for the Australian trip etc. to make you feel guilty about cancelling it and to pretend that what happened was all a misunderstanding and so why wouldn't you go on the trip.
You mentioned that you have been friends for years but recently split up from your other half.. I think the timing of his behaviour is no co-incidence.

So sorry you are going through this. Could you report to police but put a pause on whether you press charges? so that its on file at least.
Your text to him was very clear and he has no leg to stand on.

@icelolly12 - no research sorry. Just the vast experience of a once very vulnerable young woman who is now much older and wiser.

I would absolutely get a Ring door bell or similar.

You can't turn back time and report him now but you really need to if he contacts you again.

It's the only thing that will stop him.

He's clearly desperate to control the narrative and in keeping quiet you're playing into his plans to cover this all up and 'make it better'.

There is no making it better and that is 100% his doing.

You clearly need to focus on you at the moment but how can you with this hanging over you?

Maybe ringing WomensAid might help? For a bit of official advice and clarity?

Op I’m so sorry for u !
But u must report regardless of the outcome if he does this again then it will be on record if he attempts to do it again ! And then maybe they wud get justice !
u mention he felt suicidal from a long term friendship ending did he do it previously to that friend ?
Block him if he can’t see what he’s done he isn’t sorry he isn’t a friend he is a predator friends don’t do this x

Report it. Even if you're worried the Police won't take it seriously enough to prosecute, REPORT IT. Not just for you but for the next woman he could try this on.

Fuck him and his mental health - that has nothing to do with his disgusting actions.

The messages this morning are him panicking. And he should be!

It is 100% sexual assault, and yes, 100% your word against his BUT the creepy bastard is more likely to stay away from you if you report him.

I'm so sorry, OP. That must have been horrible but you really need to put yourself and other women before him now.

I'm quite disturbed by your last post @lookingforadvice26 , he's playing the lovely man trying to help his friend. It may be that now you've messaged him he'll stop pretending but I wouldn't bank on it. You've worried about him but you should be worrying about yourself, he has everything to lose now and you need to protect yourself. I'm not trying to scare you I'm trying to make you see that he's not your old friend anymore, you owe him nothing

I’m so sorry Op. I get your reluctance to report to the police at first but based on the flowers and the FB I really think you should. Just in case he persists.

Have you got a ring doorbell?

The lack of boundaries from this man are scary.

The sexual assault, the flower, card & it's contents and he's now requesting babysitters for you online.

I would contact the police.

Report him to the police.

Hmm you haven't booked flights have you?

And he posted this AFTER the incident?

Hmmm. Watch out for a 'big gesture to make it up to you' of buying tickets to try and guilt you and manipulate you.

Or if you have just booked tickets for yourself, watch out for him randomly turning up.

Make sure your social media is locked down. Consider changing your password.

Something smells off.