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Original poster

Mother fell asleep holding newborn

69 replies

caityvh · 06/10/2024 17:01

My mother is in her 60s and prone to falling asleep on the sofa. She has insisted she can help out with our newborn (have a toddler too) including sitting up with her in the morning & holding her in lounge while I cook etc.

I've been v nervous about this and honest with her on it - she's insisted she's fine each time and that she wouldn't fall asleep with baby on her. Has promised she'll flag if tired etc.

I walked in to the lounge and her head was bobbing/she was nodding off. Obviously took the baby off her immediately. She has apologised and I understand it was a mistake.

I can't trust her anymore and want her to leave. I feel like it will be a while before I can speak to her again. (We already don't have a perfect relationship but been trying to have her involved in kids lives).

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
inyourshoesagain · 06/10/2024 18:03

@Catgotyourbrain I think the thread is about the mother refusing to accept that she frequently falls asleep and might be a danger to the child.

I think a lot of people aren't getting the thread because they've never experience a stubborn, narcissistic parent who would rather put a baby at risk than admit they can't do something.

Op my mother was the same - insisted she knew how to strap the baby into the car and wouldn't be shown then would try to drive off with loose straps because her not being told what to do was way more important than the safety of an infant.

Ultimately this is your baby and you decide what's safe for her. Don't be scared to set boundaries.

feelingbadinadoormatway · 06/10/2024 18:02

NaanAnaan · 06/10/2024 17:13

Ask her to sit on a dining chair next time, and make sure the house is on the cool side - she won’t be so snug and cosy.

Rather than making someone cold and uncomfortable if they’ve offered to help find something that won’t cause a problem for them to do then let them have supervised cuddles with baby ?

ThatGutsyHedgehog · 06/10/2024 18:02

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 06/10/2024 17:51

I understand that you're upset but wanting her to leave and not wanting to speak to her again seems like a huge overreaction. There must be a huge backstory there...?

Do you need or want her help? If you do, why not change the roles and get her to cook while you hold the baby?

Agree with this! It is very dangerous to fall asleep with a baby on a sofa …. I wouldn’t leave them alone again. But absolutely your mum could help cook while you hold your baby!

NewName24 · 06/10/2024 18:00

I agree with both @JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn and also @ExtraOnions

Yes, you are completely over reacting

ExtraOnions · 06/10/2024 17:57

Her head was bobbing .. she wasn’t actually asleep, was near to dropping off. As new parents I guess most people on here felt thier head nob once or twice.

No harm done, put things in place to stop it happening again.. but “not speaking” to someone for a while, sounds totally over the top. What’s the purpose of “not talking”?

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 06/10/2024 17:51

I understand that you're upset but wanting her to leave and not wanting to speak to her again seems like a huge overreaction. There must be a huge backstory there...?

Do you need or want her help? If you do, why not change the roles and get her to cook while you hold the baby?

AgainandagainandagainSS · 06/10/2024 17:47

I feel like it will be a while before I can speak to her again.

Drama drama drama. Just don’t leave her alone with the kids.

Purplebunnie · 06/10/2024 17:46

monicagellerbing · 06/10/2024 17:12

Does she need to see a GP? Constantly falling asleep on the sofa is not normal

It can be a sign of Sleep Apnea

Nanny0gg · 06/10/2024 17:36

monicagellerbing · 06/10/2024 17:12

Does she need to see a GP? Constantly falling asleep on the sofa is not normal

It is for some.

Especially if you don't sleep well at night.

Catgotyourbrain · 06/10/2024 17:18

inyourshoesagain · 06/10/2024 17:04

I don't think that's the kind of advice op is looking for...

Show quote history

mine wouldn't sleep in one but I found it incredibly useful to have somewhere safe to put the baby when newborn - just when you need to do something - or even if you're chatting to them or they're just awake and looking around.

PolaroidPrincess · 06/10/2024 17:15

Does your DM live with you @caityvh?

NaanAnaan · 06/10/2024 17:13

Ask her to sit on a dining chair next time, and make sure the house is on the cool side - she won’t be so snug and cosy.

monicagellerbing · 06/10/2024 17:12

Does she need to see a GP? Constantly falling asleep on the sofa is not normal

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 06/10/2024 17:10

Can she cook whilst you hold the baby?

BippityBopper · 06/10/2024 17:08

Catgotyourbrain · 06/10/2024 17:03

Get a moses basket in the lounge and she can put baby in it

Some newborns don't just sleep in a moses basket, they want to be held.

OP, I'd be a bit annoyed at her insistence she would be fine and clearly wasn't. Just take it as lesson learned for future instances.

ClaredeBear · 06/10/2024 17:06

I can understand you being angry as you'd emphasised your concerns but from a practical perspective just don't leave her alone with them. Maybe she will learn from this incident - she must know she's let you down.

inyourshoesagain · 06/10/2024 17:04

Catgotyourbrain · 06/10/2024 17:03

Get a moses basket in the lounge and she can put baby in it

I don't think that's the kind of advice op is looking for...

Catgotyourbrain · 06/10/2024 17:03

Get a moses basket in the lounge and she can put baby in it

cestlavielife · 06/10/2024 17:03

Given you are there to supervise it s fine. Since you are checking every 5 minutes?
Just don't go out and leave her sole charge