Mother fell asleep holding newborn

I would feel anxious about her looking after the baby if she is prone to falling asleep. It doesn't sound normal either. I fell asleep with my own newborn baby in my arms, but that was because I was very sleep deprived. However, it's over the top to say you don't want to speak to her. She can either hold the baby while you are there, or help you in other ways, which is far better when you have a newborn, in my opinion.

She can look after toddler or help cook.

you exclusively look after newborn

Not speaking to her at all is an over reaction. Everyone makes mistake and if no one forgave them and gave them another chance what would the world come to. There will be a lot of parents who will struggle to say that they didn't ever fall asleep with their own child at somepoint, that I don't think many can be judgemental of it happening to a grandparents once. They should be monitored with the child for a while but cutting them off YABU.

Completely agree. All these posters making our she's being overdramatic as if it's perfectly fine for her mother to fall asleep holding the baby and she's getting ruled up over a non issue is blowing my mind.

But it is dangerous and it kills babies all of the time.

I fell asleep multiple times with my baby but it’s not something I would recommend.

New mothers absolutely need to be aware of the dangers.

OPs mum falling asleep whilst holding a newborn is very dangerous and OP needs to stop letting her mum hold the baby without her there.
It’s just not worth the risk.

You have to take equal responsibility for this OP.

You say she’s prone to falling asleep but then will let her hold your newborn on the sofa?

She’s not doing it on purpose.

Does she have a medical condition?
She needs to get checked out.

My mum has never fallen asleep on the sofa unless it’s in the evening and I work with multiple 60+ women who don’t nod off unexpectedly.

If you want her to help out because she’s living with you, could you ask her to cook/clean instead.

Where is your DP in all of this?

You shouldn’t be bedridden but it seems there are 3 adults in the home and you’re doing things that someone else can do.

Wait until the baby is asleep in their cot and then do odd jobs if you want to.
Then your mum won’t have a chance to need to look after them when you’re busy.

She’s unwell. She needs to recognise it’s a problem and not ignore it as this isn’t safe. And no, you can’t trust her currently however I would suggest that she isn’t falling asleep deliberately.

I think YABU to not speak to her for a while over this. But I’d be expecting her to do the housework while you hold the baby, especially as you gave birth less than a week ago. So she is being unreasonable there.

Telling new mothers that if they fall asleep holding their babies it is dangerous and must never be done is cruel and unrealistic. It happens.
Is it ideal? No but it leads to new parents being ill with sleep deprivation.

Yup.

Either tell her calmly that clearly she isn't able to stay awake with baby so you're insisting she goes into the Moses basket, or ask her to sit with you in the kitchen or whatever so she can't fall asleep, or ask her to do tasks while you cuddle/feed. You can set a safe boundary without cutting her out.

This.
It is the wanting her to leave, and not speaking to her that is unreasonable.

You are only a few days away from giving birth though, so at that stage it is you who should be lying back on the sofa, cuddling the baby, and anyone who comes to help who should be making the cuppa / prepping the meals / putting a wash in.

Also, staying away from AIBU where people will answer the question specifically and not take into account you are less than a week from giving birth and need to be treated more kindly.

I'm in my 60's and fall asleep without knowing I'm going to.
It's not something I can control as I have a diagnosed illness that causes this, CLL.

Also your dm may have sleep apnoea.
Does she snore at night and look tired in the mornings?
There's probably a clinical cause.

Gently I think you are probably right @caityvh and you are looking for an excuse to get rid of her.

Can you be more specific about what her role is in her visit now? Is she helping you with toddler, household or anything or is she sitting around wanting to cuddle the baby and have cups of tea brought to her? How long is she staying?

If you are able to it might be an idea to tell her very calmly that you are really upset and rightly or wrongly you need her to ‘help’ in other ways or just give you space for now and you’ll see her again in a while.

Nothing bad happened. She started nodding off, something everyone has done.
There is obviously so much more to this.

What medical condition is causing your mum, a 60yo woman to keep falling asleep? I'd be concerned for her. She needs to see a doctor. It's not normal.

Ref the baby, def create a safe place for baby to be put down if your mum gets sleepy. Babies don't need to be held 24/7.

Has she got diabetes, I wonder?

Congratulations on your baby ! A week in, visitors should be cooking for you. And you should be sitting down. As in this case, taking the baby isn't helping at all

Oh come on 🤣
You can't be serious.

Show me a new mum who says she hasn't nodded off whilst holding their baby and I’ll show you a liar.

I fell asleep holding my newborn from pure sleep deprivation. Thankfully it was ok and we made some significant changes to our sleep arrangements immediately.

so I understand that it can happen. Though I am guessing that your mother has not been up for multiple days dealing with a newborn that will not sleep unless being held.

I would instead institute new rules. Perhaps grandma should be helping more with the toddler and the cooking. If you have a brand new baby, you really should be recuperating. She is there to help you rest and recover, not to take over baby care.

Your hormones are all over the place and are urging you to protect your tiny baby at all costs, but you know that 'cutting her out' isn't the answer or you wouldn't actually be posting on here.

Either tell her calmly that clearly she isn't able to stay awake with baby so you're insisting she goes into the Moses basket, or ask her to sit with you in the kitchen or whatever so she can't fall asleep, or ask her to do tasks while you cuddle/feed. You can set a safe boundary without cutting her out.

Separately, she needs to go to the GP, I don't think it's normal to fall asleep to that extent.

Some newborns don't just sleep in a moses basket, they want to be held

And that's how you end up with babies who refuse to sleep through the night.

Of my mum was here and her biggest fail was falling asleep with newborn I'd forgive her.
Just keep checking.
Does your mum have a medical problem?

Why don’t you hold the baby and she does whatever cooking or household task you’d have been doing? It’s obviously disappointing but asking her to leave seems way ott.