DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

47k is high income to some. We support a family of 4 on DH's income of 48. Depends where you live doesn't it.

Are you totally incapable of fitting a toilet seat?

He's not on a high income, you bring in very little income and you are renting a home.

You don't really have enough to be prioritising 'savings' for your children. You've chosen to put a bit aside - thereby leaving even more of the household expenses to your DH to pay. That's your decision.

I imagine the day to day is enough for your DH without being told he should be putting money aside so your DC have a large pot of money at 18!

I'm old - and in my day parents raised their kids and did their best. There was no expectation that there would be a large savings pot of cash to be handed over the the children upon them reaching adulthood. It's mad. The cost of living nowadays is such that only the pretty wealthy can afford to gift their adult children with large trust funds.

It is 47k plus 12k so not a bad income for a family of four.

If he whispered fucking orders/threats like that in my ear I'd leave.

If he doesn't think he should be contributing, why is he embarrassed?

@Ibloodylovetea I'm sorry, but £47K is a high income. I'm a manager in a civil service dept (DWP Jobcentre) - manage 12 people & only earn £31k pa.

Do you support a family of 4?

As others have said, you need to think really carefully about saving into your children’s names. My older two are 19 and 18 and although they are lovely people, my 19 year old would’ve bought the fastest car he could for the cheapest amount of money (and then expected me to pay for repairs), and my 18 year old would’ve treated her friends in the pub every weekend. I would’ve spent years saving, only for them to blow it all.

Much better to save in your own name so you can help out when they need it - they will also appreciate it more !

Honestly OP, I think you're out of line here. I'd be fuming if you'd made me look tight fisted infront of your parents when I paid the majority of bills.

Don't get me wrong, we save a tenner each month in an account for our DD that we can't touch, but the rest is saved in an account we can access. What's the use having thousands in an account for your children if your DH lost his job?

You need to wind your neck in before yoh end up causing big issues in your marriage

£47k high income?

I think that depends on things like the area you live, how much rent/mortgage you pay, other living costs.

Every family has varied cost of living.

There’s your answer. You didn’t marry a saver; you married a man who spends every penny he earns. He sounds like he’s not willing to change either.

My exH was awful at doing things. Just never got round to doing them even though he found time to sit and game on his phone for hours. Was incredibly frustrating. I did anything I could but some things can only be done by the named individual. I can empathise OP.

Presumably you earn less than he does because you are facilitating his career

This old chestnut again. £47k is not a huge salary. OP works pt due to childcare and a disabled child, her husband works full time to feed and clothe everyone. Not to pursue some high flying career. They are both facilitating the operation of family life

Not necessarily. He possibly just felt it wasn't appropriate that his ILs were being dragged into a family dispute.

It sounds like you took this decision and didn’t consult your DH, why should he be obligated to do this? Maybe he doesn’t agree with you and thinks there are higher priorities. We earn significantly more than you and I work in finance, I wouldn’t recommend putting money into accounts for kids unless you’re so wealthy you’d never have need of that money. It makes much more sense to invest in your own name if you’re saving for University than putting in a cash account in child’s name.

This is the philosophy in our house.

We do put money into kids ISAs but not massive amounts as we'll have no control over what they do with it when they turn 18, it'll be enough for them to have a little pot for something though.

We are saving into our own accounts as well, and hope to in a position to help with life costs as they become adults, but we'd rather gift to them for specific purposes rather than hand over really large pots and risk them frittering it on daft stuff.

Have you sat down with him and properly come up with a strategy for this?

It was really mean to embarrass him in front of your parents though. It sounds like you're both joint contributers to household costs and sounds like you feel he's paying his way as the higher earner too.

So why have you never set it up? You are working part time but if he pays most of the hike it doesn’t automatically have to be him to do everything, particularly if it was so important to you for 13 years apparently.

Being able to make regular savings for your children is a luxury rather than a necessity

Surely that's an example of how you both decided to live with a broken toilet seat, rather than just sticking the new one on?

So in that sense he should also make it clear to the kids that he pays for most other stuff not the mum?

It's a very childish attitude.

Sorry I think YABU

I get that you can't work due to having a disabled child but £47k is NOT a huge wage to be supporting a family of 4....do you know he can afford to put in or do you just assume he can because to you £47k is a big wage?? Because unless you know the ins and outs to the penny of your household finances you really can't complain

TBH it sounds like he isn't good with money and sees it all as his.

Can't believe you are expected to pay have the rent etc when he has 3x as much net income.

He needs to prioritise his savings, never mind childrens!

I’ve never understood this obsession with putting money into children’s names so they can access it at 18, if he’s not putting it in their accounts then he’s either saving it in his own name in which case he can give them it if/when he chooses or he’s spending it so he doesn’t have it to save anyway.