DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

Your husband is right. If you need the money you will not be able to get at it. It is fine for gift money but not savings. It would drive me mad if my partner tried to dictate how I spend my money. I would also be really angry if the subject was raised in front of others

If you insist on having separate finances, can’t you just say ‘I’ll transfer an extra £20 a month each to the kids’ accounts and drop my contribution to the rent and bills by £40’?

What would be the point? Having young kids is an expensive time of your life. When they are 18/21 they can be earning their own money.

None of this would be an issue if you had joint finances and had decided - together - that you would save an amount for the kids.

What can possibly be the point of separate accounts when you have children. What is the actual point?

I vote YABU for having children and having this ridiculous 'flat mate' type approach to your finances!

I simply can't imagine going to the shops and wondering whose turn it is to pay and who's paid more this week etc. Bizarre. Who's job it is to buy school uniform? Or pay for school trips?!

Join your input into the household. Whole lot goes into one pot that pays for bills/mortgage/food etc. The rest gets split evenly between the two of you if you think he's going to spend too much. Then you still have your 'own' money for birthday presents etc with no one asking what you're spending, but everything joint gets taken care of. Then that saving for the children could come out of the main pot.

Haven’t RTFT. It is definitely annoying that he promised to contribute but hasn’t done it, but I think you need to drop the subject and accept that he just isn’t going to do it.

I started saving for my DD when she was a baby and DH said that he’d set up a savings account for DS when he was born. It took him several years to actually do it!

I’d carry on saving what you currently do for them, it’ll still be a nice cushion when they’re adults.

Regarding the toilet seat - go to the shed, find the toolbox, watch a you tube video and fit it yourself. You dont need a willy to fix a loo seat!

I'm pretty cack handed but even I can manage basic DIY and car maintenance. My husband is very protective of his tools though and usually he only has to see me opening the tool box and he'll rush to take over the task. Win win!

Alright, sorry 😳. I was just explaining a situation that I have a lot of first hand knowledge of.
My son is in school. He has a 1:1. The funding for 1:1 doesn’t extend to wrap around care, and many providers cannot accommodate disabled children.

But the child is in school.

and quite frankly I was asking the op. Not you.

Do yous have a joint account for bills or anything? Could you just set it up from that? Does he keep all his disposable cash to himself? Do yous have equal amounts or do you have access to it?

Breakfast club and after school care/clubs enable many single mothers to work full time .

YABU you've chosen to put your money in savings for your children while he carries the biggest burden of everyday expenses. Did you discuss this? Did he agree that was a fair amount? What other extra expenses are there for the children?

If you have a disabled child, can you put their DLA into their savings to boost them?

Who would pay unexpected bills if the extra £40 a month that you expect him to pay wasn't there? Washing machine and fridge freezer both needing replaced and large car repair bill within a couple of months for example ?
(Don't say it doesn't happen - it does.)

No I agree. I’m just saying it isn’t the case that he just fritters away all of his money. He just doesn’t put it into a designated savings account.

What happens to child benefit? How do you arrange finances?

I think you need to let this go. You have asked and you have embarrassed him Infront of parents - if important to you sort it yourself.

I'm assuming he has mobile banking so it wouldn't take anytime to set up, he just doesn't want to.

No, my point was that he went out and bought it, but instead of just fitting it herself, she'd rather leave it sitting in a cupboard for five years then use it in an argument about how unorganised he is

If this thread was about a man who worked PT and didn't fit the new toilet seat for five years, everyone would be out with their pitchforks about how lazy he is.

It’s very difficult to get appropriate wrap around care for a disabled child

Why can’t you just get wrap around care?

I don't see a problem with that actually. A good idea for unexpected bills.

You sound a bit passive.

It sounds like he agrees in principle that he should be contributing to the savings. You also say this: I’m on £12K and contribute most of my wages towards bills, food, half the rent and children’s activities etc.

So reduce your contribution to the rent by £20 and pay it into the savings. The effect is the same and you don't need to wait for him to take action. He can hardly object if he's already agreed to contribute.

Saving for kids future is wise. But please think carefully about whether it should be in their names. Once they are 18 you have to legally release it to them and will have no control. So you might imagine it will help them at uni and cover driving lessons/ first car but it might end up getting pissed up the wall. (My son did exactly this with his child trust fund - luckily it only had the minimum in it and i suspevt he's also cashed in the premium bonds his grandparents bought him "for his future" though he has nothing to show for it!)

As others have said if your disabled child needs benefits it may prevent them claiming.

And what if you get the chance to buy your council house? You will have to find a deposit and you won't legally be able to use money in your kids names, even if they would benefit!

This. 👍

She said he doesn’t spend every penny he earns and the ‘extra’ money is just sitting in his account. So savings, essentially.

Because his wife tried to humiliate him in front of his in-laws by acting as though he doesn't want to support his kids, even though he pays the vast majority of all the bills as well as all their day-to-day expenses as the main earner?

If a man behaved like that in front of his parents towards his wife, there would be cries to LTB for financial and emotional abuse.

People are allowed to change their mind about something like if its not right for them. Because its not an essential.

If he was change to his mind about paying some important bills then that would a reason for discussion.

@coffeesaveslives so she should just do everything?

I think he was embarrassed that he doesn’t earn enough to be able to do this especially when OP and her parents clearly care about it a lot. OP shamed him .