DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

Their values might be baked in but one coercive / controlling relationship / drug issues / any number of things that could happen to your DC at the moment of inheritance and that money is gone.

Saved in YOUR name you can gift as appropriate at the right time.

I agree.

I daresay he is generous enough already, your children don't need loads of savings right now. If they need a sum of money for something later on, no doubt he will cough up readily enough.

You’ve made your choice to save, he’s choosing not to. Neither of you is right 🤷‍♀️ FWIW, I’d have been absolutely mortified if I was your DH and you’d have done that to me. How controlling!

I chose to save for DS but that was my choice. My ex-husband didn’t save. It was never discussed as it wasn’t my business. When the money is handed over, just make sure that you get full credit.

I put money in a stocks and shares ISA for my kids and have done since they were born to give them security when they're older. I started with £30 a month when I was working part time (their Dad paid half of this) and as my earnings have increased I've increased the amount I add. In the meantime I'm trying to teach them the value of money and importance of having savings so they don't just blow it when they turn 18. We're a family of 4 as well.

I had this discussion in a group last weekend, hardly anyone in the group had saved significantly for their child's adulthood. We all assumed everyone else was!
This was low to middle income households.

You kind of blew your own cause apart when you agreed that you blew your own savings at 18 and you could do a lot with that money now.
So stop saving money for your kids to blow and utilise it now while they are your responsibility.
When they are 18 and earning you can top them up because they will be covering more of their own bills, I can't afford to save for my son, and I don't know if he will be sensible or greatful enough to not waste it at 18 if I did, but when he is not my financial responsibility any more I will be in a great position to debit him a monthly contribution while he learns to stand on his own two feet gradually. It's not sensible to give him everything I can afford to give him all at once when he is 18, I can help him all through his early adulthood when I'm not feeding and clothing him and paying for his bus fare, phone, xbox subscription and sports clubs.

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, he can be saving money for his dc each month. He makes plenty of money, even with paying the bulk of the bills to chuck 10 quid a month in there. Dh and I each set up £15 standing orders when our dc were born. MIL sends them £20 as well, I think. So between us, it’s £50 per child per month. When our eldest was born, Dh was making £18k a year and I was a postgraduate student. We made it work.

Separate accounts isn’t an issue if there is transparency/honesty or at least mutual financial goals. Your joint household income of £59k gross is at least £4.1k net excluding pensions which is decent if you don’t have a relatively high mortgage (which you don’t - since you rent in social housing). I think you need to have a honest discussion about future financial goals as a family. Do you wish to buy and save up a deposit as a priority? What about pension contributions? What about emergency savings? What about 3-6 mths household expenses savings in case of redundancy? Personally, I would prioritise these before putting an extra £20 into my DC’s savings account. IMO, that extra £20 pcm would be more beneficial in your own pension or your own L/LISA. Please save for yourself before your DC.

Does everyone save for their children?

I know it doesn't seem fair, as it should ideally come from him. But it's the family pot isn't it? All for the same purpose. To help your DC.

It just means your DH can spend more money on you from his wages to balance it all out. Expect large bouquets of red roses every Friday from now on🤣

How can he stop you doing these household jobs, OP? You sound as if you're in a pattern of accepting that he makes all the decisions in everyday stuff whilst repeatedly reminding him about the savings account. You could surprise him by mowing the lawn and putting on a toilet seat while he's at work. If he doesn't like it, he can do it again himself. If sounds a difficult relationship to be in.

It's all very well people saying OP should do the things her DH won't do...but she's already working and looking after a disabled child, so if she takes on all the household d.i.y. as well, something will have to give. It's clear her DH isn't likely to take on the tasks OP then has to leave.

I don't think the comment in front of her parents is that bad, considering they were all having a conversation about putting money in the children's accounts and it was the obvious cue for DH to explain why not. Perhaps just asking him what he thought would have been best.

Savings over £6000 in DC's names will affect their future eligibility for benefits, so that's worth bearing in mind.

The fact that your DH has been putting this savings account payment off for so long suggests that he doesn't want to do it. Maybe he feels that paying the majority of household expenses is enough and saving for the children in the future is not so important. You can't make him do it and maybe it would work better to accept that your contribution to savings is going to be it.

You shouldn't have said that about your partner in front of your parents. More so given it is already a point of contention between you and him. And the context matters, he supports his family and it is okay for him to have a difference of opinion. And you know he does.

An example of how he has good intentions but never gets around to stuff is him buying a new toilet seat as our old one was broken and him promising to put it on “tomorrow”
It sat in the airing cupboard for 5 years 🙈

Fitting a toilet seat is very easy, you could easily do it yourself its a 10/15 minute job. I mean obviously this isn't the point of your thread, I've lived with a procratinator and it is very irritating and can be exhausting, but letting a job go undone when you could do it yourself is cutting off your nose to spite your face. Focus on the stuff that only he can do that he is putting off. The savings account business, I would say he never wanted to do in the first place, that's why he han't done it. That is his choice, he doesn;t have to use money that way if he doesn't want to. But he should have said that from the off, not lied to you.

With my (now X) husband I made it clear that he had every right to disagree with things, but I required honesty. So with eg the toilet seat, he should say, I'm always going to put this off because essentially I am too lazy to do it, so you will need to do it. Then you know where you stand and don't waste time asking and getting a load of basically lies about how he'll do it 'tomorrow'.

Off course the time may come when you realise you don't want to live with someone who is lazy, dishonest and procrastinates continuously. It may occur to you that if someone never actually does anything to contribute to joint living, there is not much point to them.

If I wanted something done & he was full of shit, i'd just do it myself! Reduce your contribution to something else & up the savings or insist you set up the standing order for him. And get that toilet seat fitted 🤣

But he doesn’t want to, and it appears he just said he would to shut you up.

If my partner tried to show me up in front of the parents I'd tell them where to go!

...and here comes the drip feed.

Disagree. U seem to be abit obsessed with this OP. If your husband is paying most of bills, there is going to be very little spare.
I suggest u leave it OP, I can understand why your husband feels embarrassed/
He will end up feeling resentful

How so?
OP says her husband pays for majority expenses (as he should as the higher earner) and she also has her own savings.

And she has enough to put in to the children's accounts.

@nosmartphone @zileri Tbf, both ways can work. DH and I have our salaries paid into our personal accounts and we both transfer a certain amount to the joint account for the mortgage and bills. We also have a joint credit card and joint savings account that we both put money into for unexpected expenses (washing machine breaks down, for holidays, etc.)

But saving for the children comes from any extra that’s left in our personal accounts. We’ve done it this way for nearly 25 years so it can work!

I'd honestly be more concerned about the money situation overall, this savings thing is just a symptom of a bigger issue. Why, when he is earning more than 3 times what you are, are you're wages taken up entirely with rent & bills etc? Why are you paying half the rent? Are you married or house sharing?

And tbh £59k household income in social housing (in terms of rent) IS a good amount (ignore the ridiculous snobby BS here, most houses are on less than that) so presumably his disposable income is pretty good? What else does he pay out?

(edit - just seen the 'fuck it up' comment & added to the whispering a warning in your ear... I'm not sure he sounds all that wonderful full stop)

Interesting.

If you squandered your savings at 18 then you should be able to understand why children don't need to have a lot of savings in their names?