DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

Yeah, what an awful dad - working full time to support his family, and not wanting to put his 2k of savings into an account that can't be touched in the event of an emergency 🙄

He embarrassed you by not being a supportive dad. I’d be telling him to start putting money in then, if his embarrassed he clearly knows he could be doing better but chooses not too.

It makes me laugh when people say that over £50k (husband's £47k + OP's part-time wage) isn't much to raise kids on.
I was a single parent and raised 2 kids on probably a third of that, and they both had savings accounts I paid into regularly, as well as endowment policies that I can choose what age they get that cash.
It does seem odd that if parents have separate finances, they're not both putting something away for the kids, but if there was an agreement that one would pay x/y/z and the other would do kids' savings, that would be different.

I think you need to view this differently. You have separate bank accounts but you say he pays more for the shared expenses, therefore I would view both of your accounts as effectively shared and the money you happen to transfer to the kids savings from the account in your own name is shared. Not Mine and Yours. and Peace will prevail ❤️

I think this sums it up.

I'd also say it's incredibly sensible to keep a buffer in your account just in case it's needed - putting money in an account for the children when you have barely anything for yourself makes no sense whatsoever, and could be absolutely disastrous down the line.

To be honest it sounds like both of you are a bit clueless about your family finances in general.

I'm confused by the updates. You say he has a couple of grand left over each month but then you say this 2k is actually a buffer in his account so there is no money left over.
The 2k always stays there and all the wages are being spent.

Myself and DH have separate accounts, he is a high earner and I work PT. However each month we sit down and work out the money together. We get alot of money in but bloody hell, it goes out just as fast.
I think you need to sit down with DH and work out the finances.
You seem to think there is a ton of money left over each month and maybe there isn't.

I put a small amount onto our 3 children's savings each month. I wouldn't even ask DH to do it as I know there is little spare and we prioritise money into our savings / paying off debts.

Also I'd rather save a little each month than think about how much there could be if I saved X when I know X isn't a reality.
We'd all love to give our kids 10-20k when they turn 18 but we need to be realistic with what we're working with.

They can't afford for him to pay into savings for the children - they have nothing left over after he's paid the bills.

The only buffer he has is 2k that came from a workplace payout of some kind - so if he pays into the kids' savings, they either need to cut back elsewhere or use up their buffer - which leaves them up shit creek if they need to replace an appliance or he finds himself out of work.

These are valid points - but he should have said them to OP, not said he would and not got round to it. I know some men do this - I’ve had this with DH on a different issue and it’s bloody infuriating.

OP, I’d have whispered back, you’ve said for ages you’ll do it - why haven’t you? You need to force him to say why he hasn’t. If he thinks he shouldn’t need to because of what he contributes to the household, then he needs to be an adult and say that.

But I agree with others that it wasn’t best said in front of your parents.

It doesn’t look as if that “simple task” is affordable.

It takes about 5 minutes to set up direct debit using a bank app.

So no, you are not being unreasonable. He’s just avoiding a very simple task.

He had a small payout from work a while ago which he keeps as a buffer in his account.

Which he needs in case of any unexpected bills, or if he ends up having to take time off because he's sick or injured.

If he added £20 a month to their savings, that buffer would very soon vanish - then where would it leave you? In debt? Not being able to pay for bills or other essentials?

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

Thats because its absolutely humiliating for you to bring that up in front of your parents. He probably wishes you both did earn a bit more but has sod all left after paying all the bills. If you want there to be more money available for your children maybe you need to increase your hours and try to earn a bit more, provide for your family?

That’s not a high family earnings pot to be putting money aside in children’s’ bank accounts

This, also you aren't in a tax bracket where you need to be putting it in their names for tax reasons either. Many people choose not to save money in children's names because you can't just take it back if you need it, and they can piss it away when they are 18 if they choose.

It doesn't really sound like you can afford to give family money away and not be able to use it.

But that buffer isn’t growing, so he’s spending what he earns every month with nothing to spare.

He’s only bringing home £3100. How can he have a couple of grand to spare?

I’m a single mother of two children 2 and 5 I’ve been saving for them since they were born , only £60 each a month but it adds up ❤️ it’s not important to some people to save for their children but the way I see it I would easily spend £120 on a meal out so why not put this aside for my sons

Probably quite a few benefits on top of that so hence able to save. Someone has a valid point about your disabled DC though. If they are likely to always need means tested benefits then savings will not be worthwhile really as deducted from benefits. Al so might be better to ensure savings can't be accessed until a later age. Sure than can be done in a trust or something

I actually have done the same thing with my son and have managed to put in a fair bit on his first year of life even though I’ve been on mat leave. My husband hasn’t put any in there, but then he’s been paying a huge proportion of the mortgage and bills so it’s not really something I asked again after the first time. That’s not to say he will never contribute though. I can see why you are disappointed, but when you are married in many ways it doesn’t matter which persons bank it comes out of when you share a household as you both pay for different things.

That seems unlikely on £47k?!? While also supporting a family

After tex, NI, pension…. £2k is most of his take home pay

I’m not a fan of saving in children’s names as at 18 it becomes theirs to do what they want. As much as we all hope to raise sensible children, how many 18 year olds will squander lots of money rather than spend it wisely?! We have our own savings which we intend to help our kids when they need it rather than give them access to money to waste. Maybe your DH think is the same.