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AIBU?

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DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

287 replies

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 14:51

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 06/10/2024 15:14

If you discussed what i did with my finances in front of anyone else i would not be happy either

offyoujollywelltrot · 06/10/2024 15:14

He embarrassed himself to be honest.

coffeesaveslives · 06/10/2024 15:14

Ibloodylovetea · 06/10/2024 15:11

I'm sorry, but £47K is a high income. I'm a manager in a civil service dept (DWP Jobcentre) - manage 12 people & only earn £31k pa.

My feeling is that savings for your children is important. Hopefully they will go to university & the money that you have saved for them will help to off-set the costs of that, then there is them needing deposits on houses/flats etc. I think it reasonable to expect both parents to put money aside for these expenses.

I wouldn't say it was particularly high given the circumstances - they have (at least) two children, one of whom is disabled, and as a result OP can only work part-time to be there to do childcare.

I mean, no, it's not minimum wage but life is expensive these days so it's hardly megabucks.

WiserOlderElf · 06/10/2024 15:13

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:12

My issue is that we can definitely afford to be paying in more - it wouldn’t leave us short, another issue is that he promised that he would do it, he just never bothered to set it up.

So what is he currently spending that money on? You said he doesn’t save, so it must be being spent on something.

NotForMeCheers · 06/10/2024 15:13

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 14:57

It’s such a shame as the children would have had potentially triple of what they will have when they turn 18/21 if he had bothered to set up a standing order. He’s not short of cash and could afford something.

You've got your own savings account, so just give them that if it's so important?

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:12

coffeesaveslives · 06/10/2024 15:08

How would that impact your day-to-day lives though, and things that he's already paying for?

If you have your own savings, why not put some of that money away for your kids if it's bothering you so much?

My issue is that we can definitely afford to be paying in more - it wouldn’t leave us short, another issue is that he promised that he would do it, he just never bothered to set it up.

OP posts:
Ibloodylovetea · 06/10/2024 15:11

WiserOlderElf · 06/10/2024 14:56

Then why does he need to be putting money into their savings too? £47k isn’t a massively high income to be raising a family on.

I'm sorry, but £47K is a high income. I'm a manager in a civil service dept (DWP Jobcentre) - manage 12 people & only earn £31k pa.

My feeling is that savings for your children is important. Hopefully they will go to university & the money that you have saved for them will help to off-set the costs of that, then there is them needing deposits on houses/flats etc. I think it reasonable to expect both parents to put money aside for these expenses.

Justsayit123 · 06/10/2024 15:08

You’re coming across as quite sanctimonious.

coffeesaveslives · 06/10/2024 15:08

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:05

My issue is that he could definitely afford even £20 each per month and that would have made a difference to how much they would end up with eventually.

How would that impact your day-to-day lives though, and things that he's already paying for?

If you have your own savings, why not put some of that money away for your kids if it's bothering you so much?

Budgiegirlbob · 06/10/2024 15:08

Well I can only put in so much as I don’t get paid much, he could afford to put in a bit more

But surely it doesn’t matter who puts what in to the children’s accounts, as it is all effectively coming from family money? Or do you run things totally separately? Do you have roughly the same spending money left over each month? Do you have equal access to money? If you don’t, then you can’t really tell him what to do with ‘his’ money.

WiserOlderElf · 06/10/2024 15:07

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:05

My issue is that he could definitely afford even £20 each per month and that would have made a difference to how much they would end up with eventually.

So what is he currently doing with that £20 each per month that you think he should stop doing?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 06/10/2024 15:06

It is reasonable to discuss this matter with your spouse. It is not reasonable to raise it in front of your parents to try to shame him into it.

WiserOlderElf · 06/10/2024 15:06

If you want to put money into a savings account for your children that’s up to you. You can’t force him to though, especially as he’s paying for the majority of the household expenses.
You say he could afford to put money in, but that he doesn’t currently save any money. What do you think he should be spending less on so that he can redirect that money into their savings accounts?

Freshersfluforyou · 06/10/2024 15:06

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 14:57

It’s such a shame as the children would have had potentially triple of what they will have when they turn 18/21 if he had bothered to set up a standing order. He’s not short of cash and could afford something.

But you might also have been harder up day to day in that scenario?
My partner and I are on a much higher income than your family but do not save money in our childrens names - we believe our children benefit just as much from us saving that money for the whole family to benefit eg by reducing the mortgage on the family home, and we don't want restricted access to money saved in childrens names.
Its not always what people want to do - it can create a perception that money isn't to be touched even in a time of financial hardship for the family which in my opinion is foolish.

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:05

coffeesaveslives · 06/10/2024 15:02

Then maybe you need to accept that your household income isn't large enough for you to put more money away than you currently do.

47k isn't a huge amount when you have multiple children and a wife who is only working part-time. I appreciate you're caring for your child but that does mean his income has to stretch much further than it would otherwise do.

My issue is that he could definitely afford even £20 each per month and that would have made a difference to how much they would end up with eventually.

OP posts:
Thunderpants88 · 06/10/2024 15:05

It was rude of you to point this out infront of your parents. It was manipulative and belittling and I would have called you out for it in front of them

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:03

Flippingflamingo · 06/10/2024 14:57

My DH doesn’t pay into the children’s savings accounts, but he does contribute to our joint family savings.

If you are married does it matter who puts the money in?

Well I can only put in so much as I don’t get paid much, he could afford to put in a bit more.

OP posts:
coffeesaveslives · 06/10/2024 15:02

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:00

I’m a carer for our disabled child so I can’t work full time.

Then maybe you need to accept that your household income isn't large enough for you to put more money away than you currently do.

47k isn't a huge amount when you have multiple children and a wife who is only working part-time. I appreciate you're caring for your child but that does mean his income has to stretch much further than it would otherwise do.

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:01

TeenToTwenties · 06/10/2024 14:59

I'm a believer in saving, but not in saving directly into children's accounts.
If you do that then you have no say if they waste it all at 18.

Is your DH saving at all, or just spending?

No he doesn’t save.

OP posts:
CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:00

MyOwnToes · 06/10/2024 15:00

There are good arguments for not putting all spare cash into your children’s names. Do you have your own savings?

I do have my own savings account too.

OP posts:
CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 15:00

coffeesaveslives · 06/10/2024 14:59

If you want him to contribute to their savings, maybe you should work full-time and free up some of his income?

I’m a carer for our disabled child so I can’t work full time.

OP posts:
MyOwnToes · 06/10/2024 15:00

There are good arguments for not putting all spare cash into your children’s names. Do you have your own savings?

WiserOlderElf · 06/10/2024 15:00

We have triple your family income and our children don’t even have savings accounts. We have our own savings, that will be used to help them out when they’re older, but not money that they will have control over when they reach a certain age.

TeenToTwenties · 06/10/2024 14:59

I'm a believer in saving, but not in saving directly into children's accounts.
If you do that then you have no say if they waste it all at 18.

Is your DH saving at all, or just spending?

CocoMaroon · 06/10/2024 14:59

olympicsrock · 06/10/2024 14:58

That’s not a high family earnings pot to be putting money aside in children’s’ bank accounts

I believe that even on a low wage most people can afford to put something aside - even if it’s only £10 per month.

OP posts: