Feeling poor when everyone you know is much better off

But do you actually truly want what your friends have that you don't?

I'm mid-30s and two of my best friends - a couple in their late 30s - have just bought a huge house in a leafy part of Surrey. My small London flat could fit into their kitchen diner. But I don't feel a jot of envy because that's not the life/path that I have chosen for myself.

I agree with PP, practising gratitude could really help those who compare / feel envy.

It's so easy to fall into the comparison trap. But someone in a group has to be the poorest and when you are in a group where you are one of the rich ones do you look down on the less well off ones? Hopefully not! I try and look at this sort of thing as being like a chancellor who is bitter about the fact they never got to be PM or a CEO who thinks they are a failure because it wasn't of a FTSE 100 company. Are these remotely sensible ways to assess one's success in life? There will always be someone who did better. Don't waste your emotional energy making yourself feel inferior because nothing will ever be enough.

I often feel the poorest off my friends or the least educated. Neither actually matters. I have a BSc and went on a group holiday and several of them were discussing their PHds and I got that sinking feeling and insecurity momentarily reared it's head. But actually I don't want one, never wanted one and have no use for one either

My friends all have lovely houses but married partners when they got unexpectedly pregnant in their early 20s and now the children have grown have realised they aren't happy any more. I was in a similar circumstance but decided to go it alone so never had the nice big house or nice holidays, and that pang of insecurity occasionally raises it's head but actually I'm secure on my own and own my small home outright. I wouldn't have to go through a messy divorce or find myself in my 40s. So the grass may always seem greener, but really it's not.

Here's a super interesting video on this

Have you tried doing a gratitude journal? I know it sounds really cheesy but it's supposed to help a lot with this kind of stuff.

If you measure your success and happiness by the amount of money you have, you will always be unhappy.
Where are people “supposed to be at 35”? And what happens to those who are not there? I gave up full time work at 32 and did two consecutive degrees. I have never been happier than between the ages of 32-37 when I had nothing to my name but was living my best student days. Was I supposed to feel sad because people are “supposed” to have lived it at 18? Shame, because it didn’t matter to me at all where I suppose to have been just where I was then and am today.
Some people in my circle have flats in central London and 6 bedroom houses in leafy middle class parts of the country. I am happy for them but I don’t want that life. I visited a friend a few months ago and she lives in a massive 4 storey property. I just thought, jeez, so much cleaning and how much does the heating cost… not for me.
You can’t stop living because someone else does/has something which costs a lot of money.

It’s not that accurate unless I have done it wrong. It doesn’t differentiate after top 10% and just gives you 0% and 0 is not marked on the graph.

Switch on the news and you will feel very fortunate.

Lots of people do not have these things below

Job
Husband, partner, Children
Friends
Good health
Home
Time
Hobbies
Peace (versus war)
Food
Planning a future

You must have things to be grateful for surely ?

I know what you mean OP. It feels crass when so many people really struggle but we are in a weird situation where many of our friends are inheriting huge sums of money, paying off mortgages and cutting hours, upgrading to amazing houses going on big holidays. We are in mid thirties but lots of them seem to have millionaire grandparents and wealthy parents who are passing down money. I don’t begrudge them at all but DH and I despite having good jobs a nice home and 2 kids do feel envy sometimes creeping in. I have to remind myself how lucky we are and not compare but it’s hard when suddenly they are living these fabulous lives!

I get you completely. I should theoretically have done much better in life than I have. But...I'm happily married with two fairly healthy kids. None of us have severe illnesses, and although there technically is a disability, it's fairly easily manageable. We're paying off a not massive mortgage. We can run two (albeit old) cars so we can both work and our wages are enough that we can keep a roof over our head, put on the heating, pay for groceries, pay for inevitable car bills. We don't have much left each month but we can manage. We are not in crisis. We don't need a food bank.

We can't save much. We rarely have a takeaway or meal out. Holidays are few andcfar between, and cheap UK breaks, but do happen sometimes. We have to say no to the kids if they want overpriced mags or treats from the shops. We have to think before we buy. It feels like we're much worse off than others, esp on Mumsnet, though. But in reality, we have what we need.

This was posted on a previous thread but I found it useful to keep a sensible head on where we fit in to the rest of society:

www.ons.gov.uk/visualisations/dvc1802/calculator/index.html