Hi OP. I don't think any level of anxiety is too extreme to be caused by menopause. I lost 3 years of my life living like you are now. I was convinced I was dying, my children were dying. I was only 40 and according to the (male) GPs, it was too young for menopause (I'd been on the pill and they thought it was just taking a while for my cycle to return after coming off it).
I was acting normal in front of my children because I obviously didn't want to worry them, but it was killing me. Every time I went to the supermarket I was convinced there'd be a terrorist attack (supermarket in a very small, insignificant town, hardly prime terrorist spot). I'd get back in my car and couldn't stop visibly shaking. I was having panic attacks all day long without realising what they were, dizziness, shortness of breath, consistent palpitations. I used to be too scared to go to sleep at night because I was so sure I wouldn't wake up and then how would my children cope without me?
It was only after having a phone consultation with another (wonderful, female) GP about an unrelated issue that I brought up not having periods for so long (I'd convinced myself it must be caused by cancer and the secondary issue was a spread of the disease) that she said she thought I was in menopause. Blood test a week later and I was put on HRT patches, I was actually postmenopausal. It was only a month or so after being on the HRT that I woke up one day and realised I hadn't been worrying about my health. Everything completely vanished, physical symptoms included. I was able to look back and realised how it had controlled my life, the things I was thinking were crazy, but at the time it all seemed perfectly logical.
Luckily I have an amazing husband who was fantastic throughout, it must have been hard seeing his happy, always fun, cheerful wife turn into a shell of herself who was scared to go to sleep at night.
This was 8 years ago. Over the past 6 months those feelings have been slowly returning. The last few weeks my breathing has been terrible and the intrusive thoughts are back. I've a call booked with the same doctor in a weeks time to see if I can have my HRT dose increased, because, even though my mind is telling me I'm dying again, my logical side is trying to believe it's more likely to be the anxiety back.
Good luck OP. Please, please speak to a GP (and another if you are dismissed). I am petrified of going back to how I was before. For both my sake and the sake of my family too. We all deserve a happy me in the house!
Edited to say one male doctor told me I had anxiety (fair enough) and put me on diazapam and antidepressants. The same one who said I couldn't be menopausal. I didn't take the antidepressants but couldn't leave the house without the diazapam in my bag or I'd panic more. All I needed was HRT to fix the cause of the anxiety.