Should I finally learn to drive?

Definitely do it. I started learning in my early 20s and my instructor (who I wasn’t that keen on anyway - he was very grumpy!) moved away when I was getting quite near the level of doing the test. I was too nervous to think about getting another instructor and couldn’t even think about ever doing the test. I did drive a lot with DH over the years but never got another instructor. Then our daughter was born and as she got older I regretted more and more not being able to drive but still was too nervous and scared to do the test. Eventually at 47 I decided I had to just suck it up and get on with it, got myself a lovely patient intructor and had weekly lessons until I did the test. That was a year ago and I’ve been so glad of being able to drive for the last year. I hated relying on others all the time and it makes such a difference even just for little things like doing a food shop on my own etc.

Can your partner put you on his insurance and teach you the basics before you fork out for professional lessons?
I'm 30 and for the same reason as you, I don't drive either. I had tried years ago and HATED it (manual car). My partner was teaching me last year and some of this year (automatic - MUCH easier!), then I got pregnant and haven't done it for a few months. But I plan on him teaching me more once baby is here and we are all settled again.
I've also read it's possible to pass your driving test without professional lessons providing you don't pick up any bad habits etc!

Yes! I learned at exactly your age and never had strongly wanted to, but now I love it. And not saying anything about anyone else, but for me gave me a feeling of finally becoming a grown up.

Our youngest (17) has just passed his test and the difference it has made to our weekends and evenings is great.

He is no longer reliant on us getting him to matches (he's a ref), which took up a lot of time.

He's always had an "old head" on his shoulders and been mature, but the increase in confidence (not arrogance) in him since passing is surprising.

Yes - I was the same and learnt to drive at 37 because I had a young child and wanted to do it for them. It really makes everything so much easier. And she gets to go to a better school because I can get her there.

Yes learn. It will give you freedom and flexibility that will make daily life so much easier.

The thing that made me get on with learning to drive was something that happened when DC1 was a baby. My parents were overseas and I was a single parent at the time. One night, I had to call out of hours GP for him. They told me to bring him to the OOH place (in the middle of nowhere with no bus or train to it). I had enough cash on me for a single taxi fare but enough in my account for further journeys. Taxi wouldn't take card payments (as machine wasn't working). The OOH GP saw DC1 and told me to take him straight to hospital. I'd used up my cash on first taxi journey, and couldn't get another taxi, so had to telephone my brother to help us out with lifts. I never wanted to be in that situation again, hence learning to drive. I was 28 and it took me three months to pass my test.

I'm 41 and can't drive. I have ADHD and my attention is so bad I'm worried about causing an accident. I've always had a fear around driving, even at 17 when my parents offered to pay for lessons I refused.

I live in an area with excellent public transport so I've never felt the need. DH has just learnt age 37 after we had our second child. If anything him driving has made me more nervous because he passed after 10 lessons so he literally learnt to drive after he passed and for the first couple of weeks it looked stressful. Possibly more than I could handle.

I'm going to take lessons after Xmas and I've decided if it's not for me then I'll know but I may aswell try.

If you were independent and got around by walking/public transport, I would say it was less of an issue but it already sounds like you are incredibly dependent on getting lifts from others. Yes, I would be learning asap.

Do it! I learnt to drive at 34 and it has changed my life! Got a manual license but now drive an automatic, which has given me lots more confidence.

I live in London and am 47 and never learned to drive but the culture is different here. Outside of London I struggle, and rely on rubbish public transport, relatives and friends, or taxis.

So yes, learn to drive. Maybe an automatic?

Yes.

I tried to learn for aaaaaages in my late 20s however failed 3 tests and ultimately had to put it on hold. I have autism which affects my co-ordination and I also struggle with anxiety. After absolutely loads of lessons with a very patient instructor in an automatic car I did eventually get test ready but I went to pieces in all my tests with the anxiety so it just wasn't happening. I regret the attempt now as it could be absolutely loads of money which would have been better spent elsewhere, sadly.

I'm in my early 30s now and expecting our third child. I would like to go back to learning again in the future if possible as I do think it would definitely be useful if I could drive. That being said I absolutely don't have the money for lessons atm nor the time for them either tbh. Also, my situation is a lot different than yours because I've never relied particularly on anyone else for lifts. I walk and get public transport most of the time and we chose to buy a house somewhere that made this easy. I can walk my children to school and nursery, I can get the bus to work, to the city centre, to the retail park, train station (with/without kids). I can walk to local shops and cafes, restaurants, playgroups etc. We don't use the car as a full family of 4 very often tbh.

Yes.

We didn't have a car for several years, then we got one but only dh drove. I finally learnt to drive at 30yo. I swore it would make no difference.

Didn't work. Because the things we could get to made such a difference. I couldn't have my current job if I didn't drive, but also my dc could do different after school things, and other things I do for me too.

I think it really depends on where you live whether or not it's essential. Where I live for example is a quite rural cotswold town, public transport in near on non existent, and although we have a train station, that's still a bit too far to comfortably walk to, so even if we choose to get a train somewhere, we have to drive to the station anyway.
On the other hand, I have friends in Central London with children who can drive but choose not to own a car, as they don't need to and it's actually more stressful and takes longer trying to drive anywhere than hop on a tube/train.
It sounds like being able to drive may benefit you greatly in your situation, if you're having to rely on lifts often. It would give you more freedom and the ability to take your child on spontaneous trips out etc. Once they're at school, birthday parties and playdates are frequent, and can be a logistical nightmare, even without transport worries. And clubs, events, sports, you'd be expected to ferry your child to all of this, which may be hard without your own car. When school call to say your child is sick and needs picking up, you don't want to have to make a sick child walk home, if its further than down the road. It really depends on your local infilstructure as to whether it's doable without a car. I actually could survive without one as kids school is 5 mins away, my job is 10 mins, dh wfh, and we have everything "essential" within walking distance, but life wouldn't be as fun, and alot things wouldn't be accessible without the ability to hop in the car and go wherever I want/choose. Driving is expensive though, owning a car isn't cheap. Can your partner maybe teach you to drive, so you can learn the basics before paying for lessons? My dh taught me to drive 20 odd years ago! I got insured as a learner driver on his car, and we got some L plates, and used to do circuits around the industrial estate on a Sunday as it was empty. Really built my confidence for my driving test, and saved a fortune in lessons!

I tried a manual to see how I coped, and it’s fine. So going to keep going.

I struggle with crippling anxiety and self confidence issues. Finding an instructor I really like and feel able to speak openly with has made a huge difference to how I feel about learning.

Go for it!
I learnt early 30s. When my children went to birthday parties I had to ask other parents for lifts if they were mid week - it was embarrassing to always have to ask favours.
I love being able to drive, it gives me such a great sense of freedom.

I was 32 and pregnant when I passed! Best thing I ever did. Made having dc so much easier..

Yes, yes and yes. You need your independence and even if short term you find it's not useful you may need it down the line. Too many women on here say they didn't because the man did (and chauffeured them around) but then wonder why being widowed or divorced is much harder than for those who maintained independence. Please do it, I doubt you'd ever regret it.

Go for it! I learned at 30, when my daughter was 2 as I was fed up having to struggle onto buses with a buggy.
An automatic is the way to go...ask for money towards lessons for christmas, get a provisional licence, book a theory test and you'll soon be on your way, good luck!

Anxiety sufferer here and also currently getting accessed for adhd. At he grand old age of 43 im finally managing to learn properly. Tried and failed twice in the past. I have a really good instructor, which is def key for me, as I suffer really low self esteem. I'm doing automatic only too, so there is much less to take in. So hopefully by next spring/summer I'll finally have my license.
So yes definitely go for it. Anxiety has taken over and wasted decades of my life.

I would say go for it. My parents made me learn when I was in my early 20’s. I really didn’t want to, but I’m so glad they did.

I was never keen on driving and I hadn’t driven for 20 years, my DH does all the driving I just can’t see properly out of our car. Then my Dad was in hospital for two months over early summer and my Mum isn’t allowed to drive. So I bought myself a small car so I could go and see them both and take my Mum to see my Dad.

It also means I can take DD to her activities like she goes to Guides and the last couple of weeks it’s been 7 miles away so I could take her rather than having to try and arrange a lift, and I can now reciprocate the lifts she’s had.

It’s the best thing I’ve done in years. Given me so much more freedom and knowing that I can get to my Mum and Dad whenever I need too is good. The more I’ve driven the more confident I’ve got and I can honestly say I quite enjoy driving now.

You can learn a lot of theory of how a car works, ie how not to stall a car by understanding the clutch, also which lanes to be in, meeting situations etc by watching YouTube and all the driving instructors on there who post their content including mock tests and they voice over what they do well and what they should have done if they didn't do the right thing. Off the top of my head, Clearview Driving, DGN, Conquer Driving. Ds learned a lot before getting into a car and his instructor said he was the most prepared student he has ever had. All that is free.

I think the above knowledge may massively help with your anxiety toward driving. Re insurance there are learner insurance policies that will not affect the main policy on the car. Veygo is one of them, you can insure a learner on the car for different periods and if you did have an accident it is a separate policy so doesn't affect the policy of the person whose car you are in. I am sure this is still the case but read the terms and conditions.

I would honestly do driving lessons with an instructor first then practise in whatever car you can. Ds had about 12-14 hours with an instructor before the instructor said he was safe and aware enough to not need dual control.

Do it, age is no barrier, if you find gears too difficult then you can always learn in an automatic but don't let your anxiety tell you you cannot do this. Argue back and tell it you can. At least try.

Why would you have to pay for lessons out of your own budget? Its something that would benefit your whole family.