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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a mad plan?

189 replies

SellAllMyStuff · 06/10/2024 10:13

I want to leave DH. He's v difficult, temperamental, he shows me no love. I don't fancy him. He's become a Trump supporter. I could go on but pls just don't feel sorry for him.

We live in a small village. We moved during the pandemic and it felt like a panicked move. I had one toddler and was pregnant with twins and we basically bought the biggest house we could afford and didn't think about the area

The kids are now starting school. I can't make any friends round here. All our neighbours are retired. Nothing happens here.

There is small town 25 mins away which has one the best schools for miles and I've made a really strong group of friends there (by going to clubs and kids things there). They all have kids similar ages. The town has loads going on. Its much more expensive and we would downsize.

H has agreed we should move now while the kifs are young but he's also told me it's "my rodeo" and I want to happen "it's on you". This is his attitude to everything

I would much prefer to split from H, sell our house and split the equity and then move to this town to a tiny house near the good school and start to rebuild my life. H can stay round here as only 20 mins or move there or move anywhere he wants of course!

However H could make this all v difficult. He can be v v petty. I once said I didn't like a coffee he bought me and now he refuses to buy me a coffee if we are out. He holds a grudge!! He could block me moving the kids school - even though he agrees now. He could delay everything for years by refusing to sell for example- and the kids will get more and more used to their school and I will be stuck here for years!

Am I being mad/machiavellian/unfair to put house up for sale now, move, get all the kids into the schools, and settle. And then leave him. Basically create the life I know is best for them and me and then leave him as soon as ive moved us all? Do I sound like I'm losing my mind to try and control things so much? I'm so unhappy should I just leave H or is that foolish?

I'm spiralling here trying to work out how to fix my life. Any advice pls.

OP posts:
DoNOTShakeItOff · 06/10/2024 10:30

@speedmop I think you're misunderstanding the laws. Yes a court would award OP custody but that's in a court! Before getting to the stage of court proceedings, the father can still legally prevent his children from moving school. Just like he could prevent them leaving the country or having a medical procedure. That's the law, nothing to do with custody.

LlynTegid · 06/10/2024 10:30

Unless you live in the US, I cannot see the relevance of his support for Trump here.

Dollshousedolly · 06/10/2024 10:28

I’d move with your DH, settle in, find a job if you’re not working at the moment and then review the situation.

DoNOTShakeItOff · 06/10/2024 10:28

OP, nobody here knows your DH, much less what he's capable of. If you suspect, even slightly, that he may stop the kids moving then yes! I absolutely would go with your plan.
Just be warned that people on here will look for any criticism they can find and will likely call you selfish etc just to have a dig. It's not selfish, it's putting your kids' happiness first as well as your own (when kids get older it sounds like they'd be bored stiff in that area from how you describe it).

speedmop · 06/10/2024 10:25

SellAllMyStuff · 06/10/2024 10:24

But he can block me moving their school no? @speedmop

you’ll be the RP?

speedmop · 06/10/2024 10:25

DoNOTShakeItOff · 06/10/2024 10:24

@speedmop As the DC's father he can stop his children moving school!

Presuming the children will be with OP most of the time as then yes she can

Original poster
SellAllMyStuff · 06/10/2024 10:24

But he can block me moving their school no? @speedmop

OP posts:
DoNOTShakeItOff · 06/10/2024 10:24

@speedmop As the DC's father he can stop his children moving school!

Rigatone · 06/10/2024 10:23

Your situation sounds really tough and I can totally understand your thought process. I actually know someone who is doing similar but that's lots more drastic and it involves getting the whole family back to her home country before initiating the divorce.

In think in your situation the main thing is you absolutely need to divorce your DH.

I think the easier and more straightforward way in the long run would be to get all your ducks in a row financially, solicitor etc (lots of advice on MN about that) so you are clear and prepped and can navigate the divorce in a way that sets you and the kids up for the move to the chosen town without STBXH.

speedmop · 06/10/2024 10:23

SellAllMyStuff · 06/10/2024 10:22

No, of course he won't @speedmop but at least the kids will be in the good school. He wont have the power to keep me and the kids stuck here.

of course he doesn’t have the power to stop you moving to a town 25 mins away

Original poster
SellAllMyStuff · 06/10/2024 10:22

No, of course he won't @speedmop but at least the kids will be in the good school. He wont have the power to keep me and the kids stuck here.

OP posts:
moofolk · 06/10/2024 10:22

Classic mumsnet answer but never been so apt.

Get your ducks in a row and LTB.

speedmop · 06/10/2024 10:19

you’re presuming he will just say

“ok then, i’ll pack my bags and move out”

come on op. Wise up

speedmop · 06/10/2024 10:18

It is completely unrealistic

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