Is this a mad plan?

Do it!! Sounds great. Get some supporters on side, friends, family etc

he will be absolutely bloody furious though when he realises thats why i suggested renting. it is proper underhand.

i think buying a property under the same circumstances is more underhand.

Renting would be much easier to walk away from
unless he is attached to & could afford to buy you out of the house you are currently in, then he should have the opportunity to stay there. If not, having it already sold makes life easier.

It's not sneaky, it's strategic!

People who are calling you sneaky and manipulative have never been in a relationship with a spiteful, abusive, toxic person. There's no reasoning with them, no fairness or logic.

Do what you have to do and try to make sure he doesn't find out.

When you're settled and ready to leave him, the next petty ridiculous argument he instigates do NOT try and smooth it over as usual but instead use it as the "last straw".

Good luck op.

I wouldn't move house and then split. Chances are the new house will have to be sold to split the equity, and then you've had to fork out for the transaction costs twice.

If there's a way to move the children's school without buying a different house together, then I'd do that, as that's the key thing you're anxious about.

This kind of underhand stuff always backfires. There are better ways you can do this, you know there are

Agree with this.
If you're honest you can walk away with a clear conscience.

I may be wrong but I've never actually heard of a child 'stuck' in one school for their whole education because one parent refused to move them.

It's not right to lull someone into something as huge as a house purchase knowing you'll be leaving them.

It just seems like a really awful thing to do to someone. The fact that you ask people 'not to feel sorry for him' means you know you don't really have any justification to be this spiteful no matter what your disagreements are. This kind of underhand stuff always backfires. There are better ways you can do this, you know there are. Don't drip feed to try and add validation.

As you said op, he can do things to make life difficult for you.
I would split and start the process now rather than going through more purchases , sales and setting up a "new life " together.

Imagine how pissed off he will be when he realises this was the plan. He'll really want to get back at you then and could also do a million things to stop your plans.

Does the chosen school have spaces for out of catchment children? If so, enrol them & make the commute work in the short term.
once they are in school and settled, you can split/rent/sell as necessary.

Does he know you're so unhappy in the marriage?

Obviously you need to leave the relationship.
But would you be OK with him doing the same to you? Stringing you along, making a house purchase etc knowing he was going to leave you?

If it were me I would be honest. Tell him you're splitting, put house up for sale and go.
Why drag this out over two house sales? So rather then telling him now, you want to stay with him through a house sale, a house purchase, another sale (or one buying the other out) and then having to buy separately again?

If he is the type to make your life hell, he will do that at any step. I would get out as soon as possible.

I think maybe you’re overthinking this. He’s already agreed to move as he thinks this is the best option for schools and activities for your kids, from what you say?

So it’s best that is where the kids have a home base. Anything further to that with splitting is up to you both when the time comes.

This seems like a good plan. (Contrary to my advice up thread)

Can you suggest you sell and then rent in the new area, while looking for a new house. You could argue it would make the process easier. That way it would be a lot easier to split once you move

Have they actually started at your local school? I would suggest get your house on the market. Push for a sale and move to a short term rental in the town under the guise of getting the kids settled in their new school as quickly as possible and finding the dream home (after all he's said its your Rodeo) then once they are in and you are moved break the news that you aren't happy and wish to separate. It'll be easier to split the house proceeds that way I would imagine and he can't be stubborn and refuse to sell up at this point.

Can you move them to that school while you’re still in the village and he’s on board? I’m sorry you’re in this situation OP. Any family nearby?

@speedmop If parents split whilst agreeing shared custody - ie without the need for court involvement as they've agreed a custody arrangement, but the mother wants to move the kids' school, the father can step in and say "Nope. Not happening" and so it wouldn't happen.

Same vice versa

I think it's quite manipulative and snakey to do all that while pretending things are okay. If the roles were reversed and a man has tricked a woman into setting him up in the new life he wanted then broke things off with her once he was settled the comments would be very different.

That said if he's a total POS and he deserves it I'd definitely consider it. I could probably only do it to somebody I genuinely really hated though.

Do you work OP? I'd be tempted to suggest you rent something in the town whilst you work out the right area to live and then pull the trigger on the divorce.

That way the capital is sitting there. Otherwise it's a lot of stamp duty to waste.

Oh god I can.

Yes op, I’d do this. I’m in a similar situation, but abroad, so it’s even harder. I have to have this plan, I cannot just leave as out of spite, he can make me stay here until my dc turns 18 and it’s hard to find work, I have no family support etc. The law would be on his side. The only way I can do it is to all move back and settle and make sure I’m out of here, then see what happens.