Is this a mad plan?

Congratulations!

He’s an absolute piece of shit. Smile and ignore and just mentally think of how much every nasty loser comment is another nail in his coffin, and he doesn’t even know it 👌

Well done!!

No it's not normal. The guys a fucking freak. He sounds threatened by you.

Also (ahem) congrats on your second interview 🍾🎉

It's not normal.

I assume he wasn't a deadbeat creepy controlling negative loser when you married him!? Sad how people change.

Well done!!!!

And 🤞🤞🤞for getting the job.

But please stop paying heed to what he says and focus on your plans for the future.

You are a very capable woman - you'll be fine.

You paying for everything is financial abuse. He has no redeeming features at all. You and your children will be so much happier without him in your home.

Do not feel sorry for him. He doesn't have any friends, workmates or family because he is a horrible, angry man.

I worry about how he will be without us because he doesn't have much else.

That’s 100% his fault, OP! Don’t let inappropriate pity drag you and DC down. He can look after himself, he just prefers to exploit you.

Don’t be deterred, OP. Get moved and the DC settled into their new school, that’s the priority.

Ignore PPs saying you’re being devious or unfair. That’s irrelevant here, You need to make this move, and if you’re divorcing him at the same time he will do everything he can to sabotage it. You have to get the move completed first.

Who knows, you may even get on with him better after that. If not, you are on much safer ground to start divorce proceedings. Best of luck xx

I think that the fact he is a Trump supporter would be enough for me to end it!

I don’t have much practical advice to add, but I am willing you on OP.

You can do this and you will be so much happier.

Yes, many men plan their “escape” silently for years and then just spring it on their wives as a fait accompli, so I’d think of this as cosmic justice.

This man doesn’t want to engage, has opted out, and if op did engage with him, it wouldn’t go well. So what option does she have?

If the LA agree to issue an EHCP, when you get the draft you get the chance to state your preferred placement.

Unless this is wholly independent, the LA must name your preferred placement unless the LA can prove:
-The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

This is set out in law. Being full is not defined in law, and on its own being ‘full’ is not enough of a reason to refuse to name your preference. The LA has to prove the school is so full admitting DS is incompatible. Obviously there is a point where LAs can do this, but the bar for the LA to be able to prove the above is higher than many LAs and schools admit (which is partly why so many appeals are upheld). Case law shows it is more than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”. Unless the school is wholly independent, the LA can, and must, name the school regardless of the school’s objections unless the LA can prove one of the reasons above. You only need an offer of a place for a wholly independent school.

If the school is named in I, they must admit. The school could, in theory, look at JR if they disagreed with being named. However, in the vast, vast majority of cases, schools don’t because they know they don’t have a case legally (because objecting to being named isn’t enough on its own) and costs could in theory be ordered. Or some types can ask for the SoS determination but again, this is not common at all and the school must still admit whilst the SoS makes their decision. And the determination can still be appealed to SENDIST.

So, he refuses to discuss money or contribute. He shouts if you try.

This is definitely something to discuss with women's aid/lawyer. Could this amount to financial abuse?

Get as much proof as possible that the school is better for your children.
Even go so far as to tell your husband THAT is the reason you are leaving, for the children's education.
Get legal advice and from Women's aid.
Keep stressing the school is best for your child and you don't want his spite to stop it.

If the state school is named in an EHCP, they must admit regardless of if they have a waiting list or not. If the school is named it is not complex.

YANBU. Get your ducks in a row, I don't see anything morally wrong, just doubting whether you can last long enough. Get legal advice first, it will be money well spent.

Personally, I got my ducks in a row before leaving my emotionally abusive exH. Finances, solicitor, everything. I even put a deposit on another apartment as I knew that once I announced I would leave he would kick off.

And the day I decided would be leaving day, I caused an argument. How did I cause a massive argument? I didn't make the bed perfectly neat. He came home and saw the bed wasn't made "properly" and yelled abuse at me for 3 hours. It validated my decision and also made him feel bad when I walked out. I was so happy. The second I left the house, I felt free. Also sad and overwhelmed and exhausted but free.

Have you gone to look at this house you found?

And yes he sounds fucking vile. No wonder you want to escape.

The coffee thing alone is the most pathetic, petty, loser behaviour. He sounds like a tiny, insecure man.

What worries me is that his debts are much bigger than you imagine. (Or he does have a gambling habit. I mean what are his debts from?)

And that as a result, you don't have the equity you thought you had.

Or you're unable to get a mortgage in future. Because you've defaulted on the current one.

I have no idea how to minimise the risk of this. Presumably someone at women's aid or a solicitor could advise.

I agree with moving school now and fighting the battle later.