To Think My Upbringing Wasn’t Middle Class?

Middle class with an Adverse Childhood Experience.

Having an emotionally and practically absent parent doesn't change their income and education. And it certainly doesn't make you Working or Under Class - neglect and addiction is not a purely Poor People characteristic.

The point of the demographic categories A-E, for example, is to show similarities and trends associated with each group, not a ticklist of things to achieve in order to move 'up' or 'down'.

I don't think your ideas of middle class are correct at all if we must have social classes then it's about upbringing and aspirations surely.

White collar jobs
Education
Car ownership
Activities and hobbies
The newspaper you read (outdated one now)
People you socialise with
Talking without an accent (in yester year anyway)
Pets (Labrador rather than put alls)

With widening participation and social mobility you can move from one to the other but I think it takes a bridging generation. We are at that stage and would probably call it aspirational working class, uni educated (but not RG), white collar job, prioritise theatre, museums and cultural activities, but a single parent, living in a (ex) council flat (owned), own a second hand car, DD plays rugby. I am happy to go to places my mother feels uncomfortable being as "it's not for people like her" I would expect DD to go on to be 'proper' middle class if such a thing even exists as the class system is pretty rubbish and yet most of us seemingly know our place.

Child abusers and addicts exist everywhere and I'm sorry you experienced that.

I think the main point here is that addiction happens across all classes, and probably had the most impact on your childhood.

I never said it did, however it seemed to be a lot more socially acceptable to be regularly drunk at parties or just generally middle of the day for the middle class back then. Much more frowned upon and raised eyebrows now.

Middle class in the UK to me means, private education and university. Well paid jobs, nice home and surplus cash to do whatever the family wants to e.g. holidays, hobbies. Alcoholism/neglect/abuse appears in all social classes. I wouldn't consider those factors of social class at all.

Google "affluent neglect"

I grew up middle class, my parents were definitely not emotionally stabe, they were damaged by their own upbringing - one working class with alcohol issues, and one middle class being sent to boarding school and generally not bothered with much, which seems to have caused life long issues with self esteem which they tried to deal with by working all the time. But I don't think many of my friends parents were emotionally stable back in the day, regardless of class!

I was talking about this with my friend last night: I think when we were growing up, the bar for parenting was much, much lower. Kids housed and fed? Well done, job done! I'm not saying that that's right, but I think the concept of actual "parenting", rather than just having kids that live in your house, is relatively new.

...edited to say that my parents did the best that they could with us at the time, and compared to their own upbringings, they did a great job. But times are definitely different now.

I don’t know where you got your list from.

When I grew up everybody smoked. It was the norm among all classes I would have thought.

Also the age gap siblings is an odd one?

Based on your first line I would say you were middle class.

People’s upbringing can have (and historically, often has been) extremely neglectful, even in upper class families.
It’s not a class thing, so your list seems to have been borne of the unhappiness you experienced growing up.
As a PP said, you should be kinder to yourself and explore some therapy to come to terms with your situation.
FWIW, my DH came from a family where the 5 kids had a labouring, often drunk father and a school dinner lady mum. Both parents loved all their children equally, however, and all 5 went on to Uni and/or professional jobs that have allowed them to take care of their parents from middle age right up until their deaths.
My In-Laws were the best of people, and I loved them!

I agree with others that abuse is classless, it is dangerous and offensive to working class people, to think middle or upper class parents don’t abuse. You’ve had a neglectful upbringing and that will have impacted you significantly- it’s just that you didn’t also experience the impacts of poverty, social stigma etc alongside that.

Bollocks, every class of people have neglectful parents from the monarchy down, they just dress it up and get judged differently.

I think you're confused about what socioeconomic class means.

Another post about class. What is this craze about, why is it so important?

Mind you I think emotionally instability and alcoholism/smoking can be present in all classes

You are middle class. I’m not sure why this other person said you weren’t based on the info you’ve given.

The stay at home mum bit is really odd. Might have been right in the 1950s, so I suppose it depends when you grew up. Almost all of my MC friends had working mothers in the 80s and 90s.

Or any other decade. Alcoholism didn't stop for the Millennium.

Class is unrelated to abuse. Social and political views do come into it, but every class has abusive/neglectful parents.

A person who lived a working class life but monitored their children’s TV consumption, was a SAHP, and not an alcoholic wouldn’t call themselves middle class, would they?

I’m sorry you had a neglectful childhood.

You can have a middle class upbringing either a parent with an alcohol problem. I did.

“mum often left me floundering while she drank spirits”

Sounds bang on middle class in the 70’s-90’s to me.

Different family size or age gaps are found everywhere.

Being emotionally unstable or having alcohol problems are traits found in every social class.

Not allowing your children to mix with kids from other classes (!) is just odd, snobbish behaviour. Maybe some middle-class sobs engage in it, but it's hardly obligatory.

The TV thing is not a class thing. Plenty of liberal middle-class parents who wouldn't do it. Plenty of concerned working class parents who would.

I don't think you know what social class is.

My parents didn't go to university and are solidly middle class.

I was brought up with nearly all of these. Except both parents uni educated, Only my dad went to uni, also I am an only child.
But my grandparents on my mums side were very typically middle class.
I always thought middle class was about a combination of being comfortable financially and lifestyle choice so I guess you are right OP

Emotional stability has zero to do with class sorry. Same for stay at home parents, addiction etc.

Your mother was a middle class alcoholic.
You had a middle class dysfunctional upbringing.

No one is completely typical. That's why they're stereotypes not a perfect representation of reality. You had an unhappy childhood, it doesn't mean your parents and therefore by extension you weren't middle class. You might as well say that the prince of Wales wasn't upper class because he probably didn't have a conventionally happy childhood.

But that’s not typical. You are describing your childhood as an alcoholic one. That is not class related. All the other things you mention are definitely not middle class indicators.