To Think My Upbringing Wasn’t Middle Class?

I had a working class upbringing and the only thing I can't tick is that my parents went to university 😂I really don't understand why some people are so obsessed with what class they are in.

DB and I had a middle class upbringing despite being able to tick only the first two of the OP's boxes - one sibling and my DM never worked after she got married.
Our parents were working class, DM was an East Ender, her Dad was a glassblower, DF's Mum was a pub landlady. Around or just after the war I think there was some social mobility if you had a decent education. Eg DM's siblings went to grammar school, no further, but all did well and all lost their cockney accents...
DPs met after the war, DF got a job in Kuwait and we were brought up in a weird ex-pat oil company community there -- it was extremely class conscious. DF earned well and we holidayed around the Middle East and Europe. DB and I went to the oil company local school until 11 and then to UK boarding schools.
DPs lived in Kuwait 20 years before returning - went there working class, came back middle. Down to money, travel and keeping up with the Jones'.

In the nicest possible way, why are you bothered? So what if some people believe you're from a lower background?! You seem very hung up on it, when it really doesn't matter does it?! Just change the subject and forget it. It's all irrelevant, just like asking how many o levels/gcses someone has!

On balance, I know more middle class families where these two DON'T apply than ones where they do:
parents without regular smoking habits or problematic drinking
parents emotionally stable
I'm working class BTW.

@GondolaQueen you really need to divorce social class from neglect, abuse and addiction.

Neglect, abuse and addiction are pervasive throughout society. @GondolaQueen Are you able to take that onboard? Being upper class does not give you immunity to these things.

Being middle class might give you access to nice 'stuff' and parents who stay in education longer and value education but you can still have a shitty childhood.

I live in a naice area, there are some school mums who would absolutely like their DC not to hangout with the council estate DC, these women are snobs who happen to be middle class. It doesn't mean that all middle class mums are snobs - do you see the difference?

What an odd take on things. I had very few things on your list but I grew up firmly MC.

Neither parents went to uni, my mum worked part time, my tv use wasnt restricted and we were friends with whoever we wanted to be.

But my dad had a professional job and was a manager, we lived in a 4 bed detached house in a posh part of town, went to an outstanding local school etc.

What made us middle class was not worrying about money (we werent rich but could afford bills, food, holidays etc) and ingrained aspiration (was drilled into us from young we would go to uni etc) our weekend pursuits, went to museums in London, outdoorsy stuff alongside usual swimming, park playing etc.

To echo others, you clearly had a MC upbringing and neglect/addiction isn't the sole reserve of the WC

So why do you think neglect and addiction issues make your childhood non-MC?

You appear to have completely misunderstood the basis on which social classes are determined. Neglect and addiction are cross-class issues. I have an upper-class friend who had one of the most neglected childhoods of anyone I know (and I’d include my own, which was extremely deprived and dysfunctional).

Do you remember Absolutely Fabulous? Smoking, alcoholism, drug use and neglecting your child while also being middle class was common enough to be comedy stereotype.

I disagree with your summation that those things indicate middle class.

Neglectful parenting (and abusive parenting) happens across all social classes.

As does problematic drinking. If anything, the MC families I knew growing up were far more likely to have alcohol issues within their close family unit.

What you're listing are issues that apply to everyone, not just middle classes.

That's nonsense sorry. Of course middle class parents can be neglectful or have drinking problems. It's quite offensive to say only working class parents can be bad parents.

Sounds like you had a difficult and neglectful upbringing. It’s nothing to do with class- neglectful parents exist in all classes, and middle class doesn’t mean “nice”.

Op surely you can see that you can be very rich - even 'upper class' - and NOT at all emotionally stable?!

Literally countless generations of posh people in Britain have been abusive/ emotionally unstable/ damaged their kids through alcohol and drug abuse.

just read jilly cooper if you want a light hearted take on that - look at the royal family if you want a less light hearted take

some of the most poorly treated children in the country are those who were sent to top - abusive - boarding schools in the past 100 years.

sorry Op you grew up in a dsyfunctional - alcoholic - home. Class has nothing to do with either of those things.

I would say I was definitely brought up middle class but I don't recognise your description AT ALL!

My parents were divorced when I was 5 and remarried when I was 13. My mother worked in a term time only job. I went to boarding school.
Both my parents were smokers. I was born in 1960, this was normal.
My mother left school at 16, but was intelligent and well-read. My father was a naval officer.

Class was not about any of the things you mention OP. It was about values and upbringing. There was an emphasis on good manners. Knowing how to behave. The correct way to do things. Acceptance and tolerance of people who were different. Learning and education (not necessarily the same thing).

In my opinion I was definitely brought up middle class. I am now working class, but I still have my middle class values, which can cause friction.

This is not a slur against working class people but, in my opinion and in general, priorities are different in the different classes. Not wrong, just different.

*parents without regular smoking habits or problematic drinking

parents emotionally stable*

These aren't middle class traits specifically. Children from all classes grow up with this. Although I do think that smoking is now more of a working class and upper class thing, not MC.

@GondolaQueen

Sorry for causing but my mum was one of these rare (unknown?) 70s mums who went back to work STRAIGHT after I was born and aggressively pursued her career! She NEVER stayed at home !!!

OK - I misunderstood your OP.

Although the way you have written that rebuttal suggests that you have quite a deep resentment of her working.

Your mum taking herself to the bed 🤣🤣🤣.

I grew up in the most affluent area of the city I live in, however the city has a reputation of being a predominantly working class city (obviously with pockets of posh, leafy, old money areas).

My mother was paranoid about the council putting a travelling community halting site in a public park near our home. This never happened. Now at almost 80, her fear is about mandatory public housing %s, in new housing developments approximately 1 kilometer from her home. They fear someone destroying the distance they built from the poverty they grew up in.

The fear is due to, public social housing destroying the wealth and status that she accumulated.

Your mother's fear about "the area", was perhaps her need to protect her social climbing.

Those people are bigots. DH grew up with very upper class parents and ended up in care, DM had me at 19, (2nd child) I am one of 7 and all of us were very well cared for, well fed and loved.

Constance Marten was an actual aristocrat and neglected her baby so badly the poor thing died in a freezing cold tent in winter.

OP why are you connecting your mum returning to work with class.

Perhaps the immediate return to work was due to her thinking being a career woman was more valuable than a SAHM? The 1980s was the era of the power woman.

My mother also never took a maternity leave, self employed, back at work a few days after birth (but due to being self employed, just brought the babies with her).

I think your mother, perhaps, was avoiding the boredom of SAHM. She was a product of her time.

Given she enjoyed her alcohol, she probably was allergic to the twee SAHM life. She perhaps needed the escape of her work, and this also legitimised her drinking. She was working, earning, and therefore deserved her time to wind down (?).

I really think the obsession about class, is bordering on ridiculous.

This idea, that women should be constantly correcting and tutoring people on class indicators, is nonsense in today's world.

BTW : This is one of the reasons English people can be resented. The endless snobbery and judgement woven into everyday life.

I’m sorry you were neglected.

On your point about middle class parents not smoking or drinking, that might be more of a thing nowadays but it definitely wasn’t up till 2010s so basically no one’s parents would be classed as middle class if that was the criteria.

When it comes to education, you only have to look at the royal family to see that education isn’t necessarily a factor in class although the middle class usually do need to be better educated to keep up with the privilege of the upper class who are born into wealth.