What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

If you are hoping for help from me better have babies in your 20s girls and boys because i am already slowing down and fertility slows down at 30.

they are not listening though as they say they don’t want kids. So ai got a kitten to mother instead.

understand finance. Keep a nest egg. Invest widely.

I was going to say none: they don’t listen! However, despite all your efforts apparently falling on deaf ears, you might be pleasantly surprised when 15 years later, they tell you that the advice you dispensed, all those years ago, is their new philosophy for life… as if they’d thought of it themselves🤣🤣🤣

My son got married at 21. Couldn't be happier at 34.
Other son had baby at 19. Been together 19 years. Couldn't be happier. 2 kids now and successful careers.
So that doesn't fit our family.

My advice was Never Cheat on your partner.

All good so far.

DD once produced a framed list of good advice I have given the kids over the years....it includes such sage advice as " the best place to eat a mango is in the bath, coffee boiled is coffee spoiled, and cold salt water is best for removing blood stains"

Always believe in yourself.
No one has the right to speak disrespectfully to you.
Always wear a condom.

You're not looking for consent, you're looking for enthusiasm

For my son’s - show kindness in everything you do.

For my non existent daughter - I agree with the original post, don’t marry under 30. Don’t have children unless marriage is on the cards. (I had 2 DC unmarried, speaking from experience) and also show kindness in all that you do.

To the marriage thing - everyone I know who married in their 20s is still happily married (including me and DH who were 25 and we’ve been married 20 years, my parents who have been married over 50 years, my in laws (60 years) whereas people who got married in their 30s aren’t always as they seemed to panic about time running out and settled.

To come home with all of your problems.

Travel, before you 'settle down'.

To ds: always challenge misogyny, wherever you see/ hear it.

To dd: you are not here to skivvy after anyone. Choose your life partner very carefully.

I got married aged 20 (15 years ago) and agree putting an arbitrary number on it is unhelpful. Something like "Only get married if you're absolutely sure" would be better.

I think advice is very situation dependent but generally I tell my kids regularly that they can always, always ask me for help, and to remember that the people they truly care about - including themselves and their sense of self - are their real life and everything else (school, work) is window dressing.

Oh, and remember no one cares about you as much as you do. You're only the main character in your own life, which means they might not make as much effort as you'd like on your birthday but that they're unlikely to be thinking about your zitty forehead on any deep level.

Go not put anything on the internet that could harm your career down the line.

Never send sexts as any relationship can fail and you don't know what a person could do with that nude photo of you after you are no longer together.

Try to save money for if you really need it.

Once working pay extra into your private pension from day 1. If your work place does not have one open a SIPP.

Drugs and gambling can be addictive and wreck lives.

Don't leave your drink unattended at a bar or club. It could get spiked.

Keep fit and keep your weight under control because it gets harder as you get older.

It's not weak to apologise.

Trust yourself to insist on a condom even if a female says she's on the pill.

Remember Mum and Dad won't judge you if you mess up and will always have your back.

I did a women are actual people chat.

Like said above - you don't like everyone (sometimes not even for a reason), so why do you want everyone to like you. My dp says this and this would have been important to hear when I was a younger adult.

Consent
Be independent - financially. Be able to stand on own feet and depend on having a dp
House / family work is shared work and not women's work.
Budgeting - if you earn £1 and spend 99p you're fine, if you spend £1.01 you're not!
Be yourself, try to be kind
Stick up for things you are right, don't be a pushover.
Choose a job which makes you happy.

On a more emotional level I’ve also told them that there is no problem that we as a family cannot overcome and they can always come to us about anything, even really stupid or ill advised or illegal things.

Well as someone who has a very successful and happy marriage with my high school sweetheart married in our 20s (along with many other successful marriages of a similar age in our family) they wouldn't take that advice from me and nor should they lol. I hate generic "advice" like that it's very close minded which isn't a great example to set to teens. No point getting prescriptive with relationships, they're too individual and depend on the circumstances and people. For some people later marriages may be necessary, but not always.

Mine would be practical advice about finances, the main misstep I made growing up was following my heart career-wise but not thoroughly understanding the impact of wages and lifestyle, I ended up changing my career in order to earn more to get the lifestyle I wanted, so I talk to mine a lot about thinking about these things up front and finding a balance between stability and enjoyment, there's no shame in considering wages, they're important too.

It's a terrible piece of advice. I got married 30+ years ago. We lead a happy life.

I was delighted to welcome my daughter in law into our family last year. She was 26 at marriage, my son was 25. They are hugely committed to each other, have bought a house together and are well matched in personality and outlook.

"There is no need to rush to get married and settled" is reasonable piece of advice, Putting some arbitrary number onto that is stupid.

I only have boys and I don’t give “advice” as such but I have probably told them to save money and don’t use credit, to always do the extra work and to go for things you want, because you lose every shot you don’t take, and that you tend not to regret the things you do, but you regret the things you don’t do.

That luck is generally created not pure chance.

How does that work then?

I always say it's best to have children young!

Yes, very true. Otherwise, we're setting children up to blame themselves when things out of their control inevitably affect their opportunities in life.

@SunflowersAndSquash hear hear.

I’ve given the ‘start contributing to your pension as soon as you start earning and then you’ll never miss the cash in your net pay. Plus - compound interest’ advice

Also the ‘a bad relationship is worse than no relationship’ and ‘you can end a relationship for any reason’ advice

I’m discovering as we go along there’s advice that hadn’t occurred to me, like after the first time he was drunk I gave him the ‘a glass of vodka has more alcohol than a glass of cider’ advice’ but I was a day late on that occasion!

I always say that they should try to be brave enough to endeavour meet new people at events like parties, pubs, on aeroplanes or whatever. Don't be afraid to chat. You just never know who you might meet.

In other words, to build their networks. And to be interested in other people. Step out of their comfort zones.

I also mention that very few people are memorably charming and pleasant in this world. If they behave graciously, be friendly and smile as well as working hard, then they will be remembered as such and it could work well on their favour.

Oh and that it's better not to have children young. I don't tell them not to. I just say life is for exploring. Having fun. Especially in your 20s. Children are a whole other adventure for older people.

To not add unnecessary apostrophes.