What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

Much good advice here, however - teens are hard wired not to listen to advice, I've found. Which can be frustrating.

Look at the lifestyle that you have now thanks to both of us having successful careers and aim for that yourselves. Take full advantage of all the opportunities that we have given you and build on them to make sure that you can provide the same for your families in the future.

I have made lots of mistakes too!

Financial planning, budgeting and financial independence.

Healthy home cooking and self care.

The art of switching off and relaxation. ( quickly becoming a lost art) Phones off, checking out. You can’t replace human and emotional connection.

Can you be my mum, @Savingthehedgehogs ?

I have raised my girls to be comfortable with saying no, and meaning it - even if it goes down badly with others and be comfortable in that.

To chart their own journey and to develop their own identity, talents and interests without comparison.

To avoid people pleasing and check in with themselves and their needs/wishes. Reciprocal relationships and friendships are standard.

The power of loyalty, empathy and respect. If it’s not returned to know when to walk away.

Consent, the dangers of anal sex, the importance of their own pleasure and orgasm. That a healthy sex life is one that includes their own pleasure and safety (protected sex) and they do not behave like porn actors, intimacy is completely different.

To say yes to every opportunity to work, travel and live full lives.

Education, development and training is paramount.

The way it works is, by putting yourself in the right places. Don't ever miss opportunities, because you will never know what may have come from it.

I wish I had given my kids more advice , but who says they would have listened? I do remember, in the context of a particular occasion, saying to my daughter 'you must do what you believe to be the right thing'.

I wish I had been guided and advised more when I was younger, but then again, would I have listened?

Never to have kids 😂

When my lads were in their teens and started having girlfriends I told them consent and what it really means. ( no means no and not maybe if I keep trying)

I gave them advice about money eg pay bills first, save some and enjoy the rest. ( both lads had a lot of money as older teens).

I told them to watch how their dad behaves in social settings. He was an excellent role model for them.

I told them to use credit to their advantage. They had credit cards at 18 and used it to fuel their cars etc and then paid it off without gaining interest.
This gave them a good credit rating when they applied for mortgages at 22 and 23 respectively.
They seemed to have taken things on board, probably because advice was given organically rather than a sit down lecture and they have ended up as decent people.
The one they didn't listen to was to learn another language.

The happiest marriages I see personally are the ones who brought minimal baggage in to it. They were young and were doing all the first big stuff together and in the right order, marriage, buying a house, having children etc. They are the ones that have stood the test of time. If I could go back in time and look through that lens I’d have made some very different, much more thoughtful life choices.

Always be able to support yourself financially

She wants to go to uni abroad and live abroad. She loves languages even at 13. Her room is full of books in other languages. I said work hard and follow that aspiration. My mum would have said oh but it's too dangerous and we'd miss you. I don't want her feeling guilty. She needs to know she's free to do this.
Other than that it's staying safe advice as per 13 year old shenanigans. Don't walk alone on quiet roads. She tried vaping but I talked about the health risks and she doesn't do that now. Started out with bad friends but it got her into trouble and I said take great care about who your friends are. She's ok it seems for now. I'm proud of her.

Be kind, be kind, be kind.

Treat everybody as you would like to be treated.
Travel.
Every job is worthwhile.

Many still hide their true selves and turn out to be bastards though. Mine did.

No credit history can make a mortgage harder to get.

Phone contracts are seen as credit.

Better to say have manageable credit imo.

This is something people say when they have been fortunate. It helps them to feel self-made / self-righteous. Lots of people work incredibly hard all their lives and end up with feck all and a really tricky lot in life. They are frequently nicer than the kind of people that say that luck is Created and not pure chance.

I would never give advice like don’t marry till you’re over 30 as there’s no guarantee that’s any better advice than marrying younger or not at all. My friends with the longest and happiest marriages all married young.

My advice has mainly been monetary. Focus on buying rather than renting (they can live with me and save). Put money in private pensions, get good financial advice from a professional, don’t waste too much money on ‘stuff’.

Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t worry.

Be kind to others.

On careers etc, pick work that is interesting and you might enjoy doing the rest of your life, that is reasonably well paid for the kind of life you want to lead (whatever that life may be - your choice) and ideally work where ultimately you can work for yourself (I work for myself as a solicitor and even my NHS doctor father when the NHS required him to resign had his other medical work he could continue until he was 77).

I do not think it is for me to advise them on relationships. I do like having grandchildren - my lawyer daughters are married with children. I am glad they work but had they decided not to work when they had small children that is fine by me too as I am not their keeper or controller. I am glad they married before having children unlike about 50% of the UK now which just lives together and I would hope when/if the time comes my sons will marry before having children.

@MasterBeth

It's a terrible piece of advice. I got married 30+ years ago. We lead a happy life.

Maybe putting an arbitrary number on it is wrong but I stand by the general sentiment.

I don’t think marriage is always a bad idea: some marriages work really well.

But pursuing marriage as your main goal in life is a disastrous idea for women and one which honestly still guides a lot of women. Marriage as the icing on the cake following a good career and supporting financial independence, fine. Marriage as a life goal? You are basically giving up control of your own life.

Think about what lifestyle you want and work back from that to find a career goal that is conducive to the life you want, and what quals you’ll need to get there. Eg if you want to be outside all the time, want to have exercise as part of your day, want to sit at a desk for 9-5 then not take any work home with you, if you want to be saving lives but accept you’ll probably massively stressed etc.

This.
Don't take shit from anyone.
I would say this is probably the single biggest and best piece of lifelong advice you could give to your kids.
Literally.
Do not take shit from anyone.
It covers so many bases. Friends, partners, bosses, family, colleagues, spouses, random strangers, online contacts.
It's probably the best piece of advice anyone could live their lives by in order to preserve their self esteem.
Also, my own piece of advice to add:
Protect your mental health above all else. Always make the choices and the decisions that will ensure your mental health is well looked after. Good mental health is the bedrock of everything else.

I wouldn't presume to know what age it will be best for my kids to get married. I can't believe how many people on here are suggesting similar "you should do this advice" I presume in 15 years time you will all be subject to threads about controlling dm' and mil. "I want to marry the love of my my life but my dm says I should wait" or "My dm convinced me to wait to get pg and now I need ivf". I give my kids more age appropriate advice like explaining student loans, rental deposits, utility bills etc with them. Just because going to uni, getting married at 28 and having kids at 30 worked for me doesn't mean it will for them. The world is a very different place now. Bit like when my dm wanted me to leave school at 16 and get a job at Woolworths.