What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

Hmmm don't overpluck your eyebrows and don't get a tattoo on your face or neck. I'm sure I've got some more serious ones....I'd say it's a very bad idea to send any nude photographs to anyone. And be very very careful about your digital footprint and keeping your data secure.

Completely disagree re study subject. I’ve mentored graduates in the workplace for two decades. The most memorable half a dozen had studied something completely unrelated.

I certainly wouldn’t encourage my DC not to follow their interests at 18.

For the sake of discussion generalisation is unavoidable.

My dd is 20 and is so young, she has a lot of developing to do. Chartering her own life for the first time. I would not be upset or disappointed if she settled down now, but I would wonder what she will miss and sacrifice as a result. The freedom to be exactly that, free. She is really enjoying her life, and has many decades ahead of responsibilities and commitments, to enjoy her young freedom now would be a huge sacrifice and would clip her wings.

There is a cost to marrying at a young age in my view, but you don’t have to agree, it’s my opinion. My experience tells me there can be a lot of regret later in life about losing freedom and the fun of being young, a time in life that can not be recaptured. It’s a window of time for most people.

Everyone is different, and people have their own priorities and choices.

Most people change a lot between the ages of 18-25.

Snap!! Yeah yeah - you don't need to tell me! I'm 13 and know how the world turns

Yeah the days of pursing what you fancy are gone. It needs to lead somewhere with that level of debt. Lots of this advice shows how massively out of date we as parents are. It’s not 1996 anymore.

Study something you love not something that makes anyone else happy, three years minimum at uni is a long time to do something that isn’t necessarily your first choice.

I don't think this is necessarily good advice in isolation, lots go to uni to extend their youth, do something they enjoy but without much thought to how they will actually use said degree. They come out without a plan. Fine if you're from a very comfortable background maybe, but for people who are not well off and need uni to further their career not just a fun 3 years, they should be strategic about their uni choice if it's going to set them back tens of thousands of pounds or they can end up needing a second degree. I have lots of friends who regret making a choice purely out of interest rather than realism, it was nearly me until I managed to swing it around in my late 20s.

@Savingthehedgehogs you're generalising an awful lot there, DH and I are very independent, more so than most married people I know (of all ages) because he has to work away for months at a time.

It's literally impossible to generalise about something like this because circumstances and personalities are entirely different. What works for one person won't for another, people don't need to get so defensive about their own circumstances, opinions and decisions, just because something works well for someone else doesn't mean you've done something wrong.

There is no right or wrong and we shouldn't be telling teenagers there is, it's healthier to keep options and communication open so they feel comfortable talking to you rather than thinking "oh my mum thinks young marriages are stupid so she'll never want to hear X or discuss Y".

Study something you love not something that makes anyone else happy, three years minimum at uni is a long time to do something that isn’t necessarily your first choice.

I think when giving out advice to teenagers (or anyone), you need to be very careful about what you say and how they might hear it.

It's good advice to point out how the demands and rewards of various careers are very different. But that's not what the earlier poster said.

Her advice talked about the lifestyle her teenagers now enjoy, which will be determined much more by income than work/life balance.

And then she went on to say:

"Take full advantage of all the opportunities that we have given you and build on them to make sure that you can provide the same for your families."

That is literally setting her teenagers up to fail if they are not able to provide the same (material) lifestyle for their families (they may not even have families.).

I want my kids to know that the opportunities I've given them are so they can pursue their lives in the way they choose, not the way I chose.

DS has seen some of the mistakes I've made in life - especially with money - and we've had a chat about that. I do think he needs the pension and savings chat. And credit.

Developing as a full adult with an identity of your own and not shared (young people complete their development at 25) having independent adventures, living alone and experiencing and exploring your own character, intellectual capacity and environment is really essential. Particularly for young women.

Too much too soon in terms of serious early relationships can stunt development, and even arrest that natural progression. Women that are married young often find it very challenging to function alone, and can seriously struggle in circumstances such as divorce and death. They often haven’t developed the independence and resilience in younger years. I would prefer my dds especially to develop fully, to know themselves before embarking on a serious commitment to someone else.

I have nothing against young marriages but it would not be my preference. I have seen many outcomes that were less than optimal because the couple had no experience of life outside of a relationship.

I am actually wishing I had two boys instead of two girls. Life is so much easier for men the world is set up for them. I wouldn’t say this to them but think it’s true.

My girls are actually more emotionally intelligent than I am so they dont need my advice

Maybe - I guess I didn’t know anyone in their 20s who was “settling” - it always felt like a very deliberate choice. Most of my friends got married at around 26-29 so not exactly teenagers. We’d all had plenty of boyfriends prior to that.
Mind you, my aunt and uncle have been married for 65 years - they got together at 16 and 17, she got pregnant at 17 and they’ve been happily married despite the inauspicious start! They have three children, 6 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren and they’re only in their mid 80s.

Maybe the advice should be “if you have any doubts at all, don’t get married!”

The way it works is, by putting yourself in the right places. Don't ever miss opportunities, because you will never know what may have come from it.

Except putting yourself in the right places and not missing opportunities is no guarantee of anything, really.

Lots of people spend their whole lives trying to do everything and taking every chance they can, and they still don't get "lucky" - because luck is often something that's totally out of your control and absolutely nothing to do with your own behaviour.

If I discover you've driven after drinking I will personally shop you.
If you must get a tattoo, get it done in a proper tattoo place and don't get any names tattooed unless they are your children. This was said after a male friend had all of his girlfriend's names tattooed on his arm and then crossed out when they split up.
If you really want something badly, save up for it. It's easier to save when you have it to look forward to rather than saving up to pay for something you've already had.

One thing I'm already telling my 10 year old is that people on the internet aren't always who they say they are. She doesn't have social media but will want it in a few years so I'm trying to lay the groundwork early.
Older DSDs I have mentioned stuff about pensions, not maxing out your credit etc. Usually when the topic has come up rather than sitting them down.
Most recent one to 19 year old is 'don't ignore letters from HMRC'.

Don't marry.

Wow! "Value our material success more than anything" is quite the advice.

I think you've oversimplified that poster's advice. Lifestyle isn't just about material success, evaluating lifestyle means understanding how many hours you want to work, how much stress or responsibility you are willing to accept, alongside how you want to actually spend your time off to then understand the salary you need. I think it is sage advice and not something my parents explained to me, took me 10 years into my career to realise that actually the salary I was earning and the working pattern I had was at odds with the lifestyle I wanted and that it wasn't materialistic to want to change that.

Then give that advice, not the arbitrary, one-note nonsense that was being suggested before.

Don't pursue marriage as your main goal in life is perfectly good advice. Don't get married before you're 30 is stupid.

Wow! "Value our material success more than anything" is quite the advice.

See, I tend to think it's often the opposite.
Someone who 'settles' young doesn't know anything else and, whatever their relationship is, is their 'normal' I'd question that they know who they are and what they are capable of without being one of two.
I made sure I empowered my children to aim higher than simply 'settling'
People in their 30s may 'panic', sure, but they more likely to recognise a bad decision and, more importantly, have the means to rectify it 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure there are many happy long term marriages but the fact is, longevity is not always the flex one thinks it is and it definitely does not always equal healthy.

100% this! The later you leave it the harder you have to look for a unicorn man - nice guy, no ties. Not hard to find when you’re young, then they obviously get snapped up! I love having built a life and had so many adventures and so much shared history with DH. 34 and been together 16 years 🙌🏻

A better piece of advice would probably have been “don’t get married at all”.

That's not right, you should get married if you are the poorer or lower earner one in a couple but you shouldn't get married if you are richer or higher earner. Not sure if I'm joking.

Start at 9/10 and build up. My dc were far more receptive then.

Otherwise car journeys when they are not plugged in to air pods. Or pockets of openness. Important to hear their views and opinions too.

I agree @BunnyLake - the people I know who got married in their 20s generally did so because they had met the right person with no stress, from a big pool of options, didn’t already have kids etc. Plus they could take their time with having kids - we waited 6 years before we had them and in that time we travelled, moved countries etc, but all with the man I love.