What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

Love this thread

Some lovely ideas on this thread

"Whatever happens you can always come home" - I love this as young adults need to know they have a safety net, the real world can feel very scary and precarious

Definitely agree with not rushing into marriage and kids, although many don't seem to bother with marriage

My dad's best advice was to pay into a pension ASAP - compound interest and free contributions from employer. 30 years on I appreciate that!

I have told my kids to put themselves first as no one else will. This is because I, like many girls, was always taught to put other people's feelings ahead of mine and it has not served me well. It's important to be considerate of others, but not to be taken advantage of!

Start a pension as soon as possible.

Buy a house as soon as possible and live at home rather than renting if you can to save money towards that.

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Don't trust everyone.

Whatever happens, you can always come home.

Respect other people and expect respect in return, especially when it comes to relationships.

Play to your strengths in terms of your career and always plan ahead. Think about where you want to be in five years or 10 years. You can always change your mind, but have a plan.

I like this.

My DF taught me the first one.

I teach my DSs the second one — as well as much of the above advice re. porn, drugs, finances, sharing household tasks.

@toopytoo of course we’ll always advise based on our own experiences. Mine are different, as are the next person’s.

Be kind. Be happy.

In the event of those two conflicting, go for kind short term, and sort out happy long term.

@SpyOfHut6 what I say to my kids is to find a balance, consider what you love, but also what you want to do in your free time. Work is one aspect of your life, there's no point chasing a career you love but will not afford you close to what you want to do outside of it. I did the degree I wanted, the dream career, but I topped out at £30k, would have been years to the next jump then that would be it, that simply is not enough money for me for the other aspirations I have in my life. I managed to side step into something I still enjoy but is more lucrative and wish I'd done sooner. My son has a career path in mind, and I've suggested he looks at the more lucrative route of it as he has aspirations to travel. His decision, but I want him to look at the bigger picture.

I did just that @mjf981 , chased the money with a maths degree, really successful and a big salary by 30. But, my career didn't work with kids, 20 years ago there was no flexibility in my really niche corporate role at all and I didn't want to keep travelling and slogging out the 12 hour days with commute in the way I had to. I retrained and now earn half of what I did 20 years ago.

There are no guarantees.

I'd always advise my kids to follow their heart. If I had become a teacher or a lecturer back in the day for instance (have a family full of lecturers and teachers who all absolutely love their careers so I am not interested in the MN pile on), I would have probably been in the same net earning position over the length of my career.

I agree Aria. That’s crazy advice. Most decent men who want to commit will have been snapped up by then.

I would say not to have kids before say 27 just because I would feel sad for them to
miss being free when young.

To really understand the financial implications of your career choice.
I wish I'd chased the money, rather than picking my 'passion.' I was excellent at maths and really wish I'd gone into finance/quant analysis or similar and chased the money. Then checked out at 40 a multimillionaire (or thats how it would have played out in my mind..)
Instead I'm stuck in a very mediocre paying job which I've long lost my passion for, and retirement is not even close.

The same advice my Mum gave me: the only person you can truly rely on is yourself, plan accordingly.

I normally feel all the best ones are taken by then...

Trust your instincts, they're there for a reason. If something feels off, listen to your gut, don't be polite.

This is so important!! Women can ruin a number of lives, not just their own, by choosing a dickhead father for their children.

Being wrong about something, or not being able to keep a promise because of unforeseen circumstances, is not the same as lying.

You have nothing to lose by asking for something, but everything if you don't.

Holding grudges only hurts one person, and it's not the one you think.

Mostly don't do drugs and never drink and drive.

I feel a bit lacking reading some of these responses. I would rather just model how I want DS to behave, so work hard but not at the detriment of friends or family, don't let your friends down but don't be taken for a mug, make time and money ( if possible) to do things you enjoy like going to see bands I like.

Education is crucial for avoiding the unpleasant aspects of life, as well as conducting proper due diligence in relationships. It's important to refrain from getting into relationships until you have completed your education. There's no need to harm yourself through a relationship. Essentially, it's about building a strong foundation and then adding other elements as you progress thru life.

Unlike a friend's daughter who suggested she couldn't wait to take our kids to the local chav nightclub when they were 18. I don't think so. Aim higher than drifting into that culture.

I told DS to make sure he always used a condom

I have told them to work towards being financially self sufficient so they never have to rely on a partner to have a decent roof over their heads.

And to start paying into a pension as early as possible.

I had you to give you a life of your own. I don't want you looking after me in old age.

Yes. But not the only way. We were in London and got married at 22 and 25, in 2012. 🤷🏻‍♀️ one size doesn’t fit all.

My Mum used to say to me 'You can't change a man', with no real context but I think predominantly as a warning that if a partner is a certain way when you meet them, don't be naive enough to think that they will change for you. I think it was said mainly in jest, but often think of it on here!

‘You do you’

if you like it - wear it, do it, eat it - no matter what your friends opinions are…

if you want to do well at school - study hard - engage with the teachers…

You are not a sheep. You do not have to follow the crowd.

You are unique. Be yourself . Be proud to be you.

Bring a clone is not cool - being you is!

Unkind people will mock you for your individuality but a real friend respects and embraces your differences.