Page 3 | The way some people let toddlers behave......

BooBooDoodle · 07/10/2024 19:38

I think it’s a certain generation to be honest. I’m mid forties with a 10 and 14 year old. My parents would never allow me to run amok or misbehave and I have brought my kids up that way. It’s the engaging with your kids I think they have an issue with and don’t appear to want to and can’t be arsed to. They want to happily continue their grown up lives with as little inconvenience and interference as possible and it’s shown in their kids behaviour. When you have a word, which I have had to do over the years, you are met with attitude, laughed at and sometimes aggression. It’s common for toddlers to run about and get into bother as that’s how they learn, parents job is to correct certain behaviours and teach them from a young age what is and isn’t acceptable in different settings, this is lacking hugely in todays society.

MadKittenWoman · 07/10/2024 19:38

WonderingWanda · 06/10/2024 08:21

I can't stop myself giving the parents some advice in these situations "You might want to move him away from there or he will get knocked over....come on dd you can go down the slide now, his parents are going to move him" or "Oh you'd better move him of there or he's going to get ejected when dd starts bouncing, dd just give his parents a minute to remove him" etc.

That's excellent!

ellyeth · 07/10/2024 19:38

FlingthatCarrot and WishingPlenty The OP gave examples of not just one but several instances where parents did not respond quickly or at all to their children's troublesome or dangerous behaviour. That doesn't mean the OP sees her children as perfect. I expect they did naughty or unwise things sometimes but she feels that, as far as possible, parents should react quickly in such instances. And I agree with her.

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 07/10/2024 19:35

Wishingplenty · 06/10/2024 08:36

It amazes me that people are still so ignorant of child development, after all the research and information that is readily available out there. People that are offended by a small child's "behaviour" really need to take a long hard look at themselves and I am talking about the 2-4 year old bracket. Why expect the behaviour of an older child? when every piece of literature out there tells us it is not developmentally possible in the toddler years. Someone with an 8 year old child should not be annoyed at a child that is just emerging from babyhood, it is very wrong.

But people are more talking about the behaviour of the parents in relation to the behaviour of a toddler. I have a 2 year old. If she stands at the bottom of a slide when there are children at the top, I move her. I don't just stand there. My child writes on restaurant walls with a crayon? She's told no and the crayons are removed. Jumps on a trampoline which is one child at a time when said child has been waiting on their turn? I remove my child immediately.

PC7102 · 07/10/2024 19:29

Yep I see this all the time with parents not being bothered to actually parent. I’m constantly shocked at parents not holding really young children’s hands and letting them wander behind on a road and also not watching them at parties whilst they go and nick food and baby bottles off other people.
My son is 4 so not long been out of the toddler phase and there’s no excuse for the behaviour you’ve described (in terms of the parents not children).

midmodmad · 07/10/2024 19:15

SophiaJ8 · 06/10/2024 08:27

Yep. Then the half-shrug with a ‘what can I do, she’s sassy LOL’.

Raising monsters

Yep. My adult son and I went to the natural history museum at Tring. It was a weekday and few people there but 2 women with 2 small children managed to ruin it.

The children, aged around 3, were running up and down (wooden floors + cavernous building = incredible noise) and shrieking. My son and I actually couldn't hear each other speak.

I put up with it for ages and then snapped ...
" My son and I are trying to enjoy this museum and we can't because of the noise of your children".

Her reply..."they're kids" with a shrug

I replied " NO, you need to parent them"

Causewithoutarebel · 07/10/2024 19:12

I work in a reception class. A lot of the children have clearly been allowed to behave like the toddlers in the OP’s post, it makes for an interesting time in the classroom. I am exhausted!

Misseditagain · 07/10/2024 18:49

glad i never had kids.

Pottedpalm · 07/10/2024 18:47

Wishingplenty · 06/10/2024 08:28

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

And therein lies the problem 😏

Skodacool · 07/10/2024 18:46

Wishingplenty · 06/10/2024 08:28

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

OP is far from being smug; she acknowledges that toddlers can be hard work, but you sound like one of the parents she's talking about. Allowing toddlers to be a nuisance because you won't deal with screams and tantrums is not always a good thing.

tropicalfizz · 07/10/2024 18:42

Wishingplenty · 06/10/2024 08:28

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

Err nope my DS wasn't like this and I taught him right from wrong and if he did start I removed him from the situation. We are the parents and they are the children. Why is everyone so scared to parent their kids!

CommonAsMucklowe · 07/10/2024 18:27

Some cafes are like a kids playground. People walking around with hot drinks and kids running wild while the parents don't care or have a clue what they are up to. Coffee #1 Witney I am mainly looking at you! Still go there though as they have the best cakes!

jasminocereusbritannicus · 07/10/2024 18:15

There was an achievement and progress assembly the other day for LKS2… some parents thought it was fine to let their 2 year olds run about and make noise while the children were doing their well-rehearsed speaking parts! Parents sit there chuckling at them ( the little ones) but don’t stop them! It’s so rude and frustrating! Why do people think this is OK?

ruethewhirl · 07/10/2024 18:08

Cuttysark4321 · 06/10/2024 12:22

Oh god. You sound like a barrel of laughs. Needless to say I'm sure your kids have their moments too.

'A barrel of laughs' for saying that parents should parent their children? Um... OK, then.

newyearsresolurion · 07/10/2024 18:06

Having a toddler myself I don't agree with this post

MustWeDoThis · 07/10/2024 17:53

Purpleturtle46 · 06/10/2024 08:02

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

This!

It's also the feral screaming for no reason at all which drives me insane. My kids would share, take turns, use inside voices (most of the time), act in a calm manner even when running around and having fun! Then you've got these kids from toddler to early Comp age...just screaming...not crying, -screaming-! Just because they can! A group of thel scootered past my car the other day and I was waiting for my husband, reading a book and one of the kids just screamed for the sake of it! Like, feral growling scream...jumped out of my skin! Just why!? These are the kids whom are usually babysat by the local parks.

MMUmum · 07/10/2024 17:50

I agree with you OP, my Dd was never allowed to behave like that, it's not acceptable to behave like these examples around others, children need to be taught from.a young age, they can absolutely have fun without annoying others.

ANightingaleSang · 07/10/2024 16:28

I think the simple way to look at it is that toddlers will do crazy things because they are toddlers and learning about the world and don't know better. In my view that is even MORE reason for parents to be keeping a close eye and to intervene if necessary. Sometimes all it will take is some distraction. Toddlers being toddlers is not an excuse for lazy parenting. A parent on their phone while their kid is running around unsupervised and causing havoc is neglect.

Its completely different if a toddler is acting up and the parents are on it. From my that mum or dad gets all the respect in the world because parenting is hard and exhausting.

Boltonb · 07/10/2024 16:10

Wishingplenty · 06/10/2024 08:28

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

You would let your toddler stand at the bottom of a slide, so that nobody could use the slide?

Or walk over to another child in a sandpit and knock over their creation?

I haven’t forgotten what the toddler stage is like. I am currently living it. I love this age, but they do need constant monitoring and distraction from mischief.

Errors · 07/10/2024 16:05

republicofjam · 07/10/2024 14:15

This.

Show quote history

Oooh yes I second this too. Lay the ground work when they are toddlers and (hopefully) they are much easier to parent when they get to 4/5 and older. I found this with mine… or else I was just lucky. Don’t suppose you can ever know!

Errors · 07/10/2024 16:02

I don’t disagree with the OP but it’s a tough one. There are nuances here.

IMO, in most situations out of the house, any child under about 4(ish) should be being almost constantly watched and monitored. Parent needs to step in immediately if they are exhibiting the behaviours mentioned in the OP. Yes, at 2, they probably wouldn’t understand it as well as they will at 3 or 4 but it creates good habits for the parent as well as the child. I wouldn’t, for example, get angry or cross at my 2 year old for behaving in this way but would keep repeating they shouldn’t do it. At 4, I probably would start getting a little cross as they should be able to understand by then.

Parenting toddlers is tough. My own lured me in to a false sense of security as he was an angel at 2. Could easily take him anywhere and he never put a toe out of line. Was always very chilled. Once he turned three I didn’t recognise him! Oh the tantrums! I should probably add that those only ever happened at home, though and never when we were out of the house. Although bear in mind he was 2 - 4 during the Covid years so not too many opportunities to take him anywhere.
Now he is older, my expectations of him are higher. I don’t think ‘gentle parenting’ works when they get passed 5. This is when you need to be MUCH firmer with them IMO. Nowadays, there is no ‘let’s discuss your feelings on why you don’t want to eat your dinner’ and far more ‘just eat your bloody dinner’ (I obviously don’t say the ‘bloody’ out loud!)

Paganpentacle · 07/10/2024 15:37

Wishingplenty · 06/10/2024 08:28

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

I haven't forgotten that I never allowed my kids to run riot and ruin other peoples days out/meals etc.

republicofjam · 07/10/2024 14:15

FrenchFancie · 06/10/2024 21:42

Someone once said to me that, if you are parenting small people properly it’s the hardest job you’ll ever do.

2 year olds will snatch, and tantrum, and want to run around places. That’s 2 normal 2 year old behaviour. Doesn’t mean the parents should not try to redirect that unwanted behaviour in some way, gently if possible but if things get out of hand, then a firm ‘no’ and deal with the ensuing tantrum. 2 year olds absolutely can and do learn how to behave (mine did). But it requires work, constant bloody work, and some days that means you go home in the middle of your shop / day out / play date. It’s for a brief period of time.
it doesn’t mean you get to shrug your shoulders and ‘wait until they are old enough to understand’.

oh, and as an aside, ASC / ASD / autism etc do not automatically mean bad behaviour. My autistic DD is very well behaved because she doesn’t really understand society, but knows if she sticks rigidly to ‘the rules’ she will be ok.

This.

Chateauneufdu · 07/10/2024 14:10

The ones letting their kids play on the luggage carousel tho..🙄✈️

republicofjam · 07/10/2024 14:08

Wishingplenty "I usually find the lower working classes worse for thinking children should just "behave" hence the reason for all the shouting and name calling."

Hyacinth Bucket I presume, taking a break from candle lit suppers to post on Mumsnet.