The way some people let toddlers behave......

If I'd seen a child of that age behave like that, I would assume there was more to it than bad behaviour and maybe have a sympathetic glance. Because I've been that mother when my dd has screamed fuck off at the top of her lungs (dd is nd). Judgement from strangers is really, really unhelpful.

Op, I agree with your post. I suppose at least the mother in the slide incident intervened and removed their child. Some toddlers take longer to learn the lesson than others! If I'd been her, after the second or third occasion I think I'd have tried to encourage my child to play on something else though.

@WonderingWanda I used to intervene too - until a dimwitted Mother, after I explained that the large window her feral child was hurling itself against wasn’t safety glass, told her offspring that “The lady says you mustn’t hit the glass”.
I was speechless! This was in a very minor league football club hut, that had been built in the early 1950’s, so it was purely a safety remark.
After that I decided that Darwin’s law was the best way to go in future!

The behaviour is definitely not on, but I don’t see this “trend”.

I tend to see older children in areas they shouldn’t be in areas meant for younger children but it still not often enough to be a trend.

I often wonder where some people live where they see so much unbecoming behaviour that they think it may be widespread.

I see more poor behaviour from adults than children out tbh.

I'm not generally a "back in the day" kind of person. But honestly, "back in the day" kids would have been unsupervised on the streets and in playgrounds together, and if a 3 year old got booted at the bottom of a slide they soon learnt not to be at the bottom of the slide.

My parents are back in the day parents and you're right I don't think they cared. We were like some kind of accessory and little care and affection for us. I personally don't think this kind of parenting is great for some children and effects them into adulthood.

I have a 2yo and other parents/toddlers drive me wild. Another child came up to my DD and smacked her across the face and the only thing the mother could say was "He just wants to play with her". My poor DD had a scratch mark and the grandmother came rushing over to apologise and that she's been trying to teach her GS not to hit others, I could see she was fed up with the mothers attitude and lack of parenting. This was just one example. The amount of times my DD gets shoved out of the way when we go to the farm when stroking the animals is insane. She waits patiently for her turn and then gets shoved, she looks at me so confused. Parenting isn't easy and I think some parents are just lazy and don't want to even try. DD is far from perfect, so when she throws a tantrum, like a PP said, we leave.

In soft play people need to keep their kids in the correct area for their age. Older kids in the baby area. But most often than not it's toddlers and younger kids in the area for older kids. The purpose of soft play for older kids is so they can run around, play in a way for their age group, they carnt be held responsible for accidently knocking over a toddler who shouldn't have been there in the first place

I literally have a degree and a post graduate qualification in child development and have worked with children for 20 years, and also have my own.

You still move your child away from situations in which they are obstructing others from using communal equipment. It is particularly important for parents to intervene when their children, due to their lack of safety awareness, are at risk of getting harmed (standing beside a swing or at the bottom of a slide).

@Purpleturtle46 Completely agree with you! I have a 3 year old so we’re still at the tail end of that stage. Of course he acts out and does things he shouldn’t etc - he’s a young child. But I have my eyes on him at all times and am ready to intervene.

It’s also a big problem with older children in our area too unfortunately. DS was hit in the face (full on smack in the face, not an accident!) by an older child (around 5 maybe) at the park one day because DS was playing on the toy the other child wanted. Parents didn’t bat an eyelid and then started on me for giving their child a row when they didn’t 🙃

Soft play places seem to be the worst in my experience - There were a group of older kids (7/8yo ish) who kept thinking it was funny to trap my child in sections of the soft play a couple of weeks ago. Parents stayed sitting on their phones at the tables giving a half arsed “X, Y - leave the wee boy alone” 🙄

Six year olds shouldn’t be in the toddler section.

Two year olds shouldn’t be in the older section

It does sound like in most of the instances you describe, the parents did intervene though and didn't just let them continue doing what they're doing. Yes they should have stopped it before it became an issue, but sometimes they're just so quick.

I've also been to parks etc where older children were the issue. Climbing up slides so no one else could get down.

It's not just toddlers, it's just children in general that can be a bit vivacious and fail to listen sometimes. They're not little soldiers. As long as the parents are making efforts to sort it out, I don't see such an issue.

Great to teach your child that things don't always go the way we want and people don't always behave appropriately. A fact of life at any age really.

Honestly I despair more re the behaviour of some older children. Toddlers can be absolutely feral even with parents having the best of intentions (okay okay I have a toddler…) but what’s worse is going to a soft play and watching a 6 year old deliberately knock my 2 year old down and then refuse to apologise when I asked her to say sorry. Mum was oblivious and on her phone. When she did look up she couldn’t have cared less. Ugh.

You physically move your kid away, picking them up and removing them. They can kick and scream away, have a full blown tantrum etc but they can do that in a place where they aren't obstructing other people. I have 3 kids and one is a toddler. I watch them closely and intervene if they are bothering someone. My 2 year old of course doesn't like me moving her from where she needs to go but I'm the adult and I decide when she moves away from the bottom of the slide/gives a toy back to someone/comes off the swing/stops running around a restaurant. Toddlers are going to toddler, but they can have their developmentally appropriate responses somewhere that doesn't cause a physical obstruction for other people. It's just being civil.

That's how to parent. Consistent boundaries doesn't mean no treats, it just means they start to understand the word/action associated with a no response.

I have a 2.5 year old and I wouldn't let her do any of these things. If there's a tantrum and she won't calm down, we leave. It's simple.

I too have seen children fully beat their parents.

The parents look actually powerless, like a rabbit in the headlights.

YANBU in those cases. It does sound like the toddlers weren’t being supervised/parented properly. It’s definitely not just toddlers though. In my experience the problem is almost always older children. My son is 15 months old and can never play anywhere when older children are around. 90% of the time they will take toys off him or push in front of him because they know he’s very little and can’t defend himself. Parents usually do nothing. I had to tell a little girl off in a soft play because she came into the baby area (for under 18 months, she was at least 5), decided my son wasn’t allowed to be there and tried to push him over. Parents were nowhere in sight. All children should be closely supervised in my opinion. Parents shouldn’t assume that their children are able to play nicely independently just because they’re a bit older, often that isn’t the case.

What a load of rubbish. So everyone else has to have a crap time whenever a toddler is around? No chance. Parents just need to do what the OP is saying and grab them out the way. If they don'r? Well maybe they'll learn a life lesson when they get booted across the park by someone coming down the slide!

Exactly. Not safe for the baby, not safe for anybody else either. In an environment full of hot food and liquids, babies should not be allowed to become crawling trip hazards.

Oh come on! I have 2 toddlers and completely agree with the OP. Compassion goes both ways and toddlers being allowed to push in is not fair on the other toddlers/children their own age who are waiting and trying to learn those prosocial behaviours. At this young age you can kindly intervene and say sorry darling this child was ahead of you, or gently lift them off something. If they have a tantrum, you comfort them, distract them and calm them down. That’s how they learn! 🤷‍♀️

Mine was like the energiser bunny, so it was mainly things like not letting him charge off down the aisles in places like Pets at Home or do laps round the Farm Shop car park 😁

I say this to my kids in the park (not using the restaurant example with the waitress they would have been removed swiftly). If I have told them to be careful or move but they aren’t listening I then say it’s your own fault if you now get hurt as this child is going to cone down the slide or carry on swinging etc. Natural consequences and all that!

Not saying it's right to do this in this day and age but in the 1970s my mum would've hit me back and I'd've stopped.

Repeatedly wouldn't've happened.

I think one of the worst is letting crawling babies and toddlers loose in busy areas. Last week walking thro a shopping centre, loads of people walking into shops etc a very small walking baby allowed to walk away from it's mother walking into other people. People tried to move but one person walking round a corner didn't see the baby untill it was to late and knocked it over. Completely the mothers fault for allowing this. Same shopping centre a crawling baby was nearly trampled by a group of college students all entering at the same time at the end of the day. They didn't expect someone to allow a baby to just crawl around. I really do not know what some parents are thinking. Don't put your child in these dangerous situations, yes toddlers behave like toddlers but parents should also parent.

@FlingThatCarrot and @Wishingplenty - I have a 3 and 5 year old. Toddlers are hard work - no one is blaming the child. What is frustrating the majority of posters is the parents who make little/no effort to correct, control or contain their toddlers. It is the parents, not the children. Most people are sympathetic when they see a parent at least trying to ensure their DC doesn’t ruin or interfere with other peoples experience at the restaurant/playground/whatever. FWIW I think letting kids do whatever they want (especially in their formative years) is lazy parenting and ultimately setting them up for a hard time because once they’re older they will struggle socially if they don’t know how to interact properly with others or respect boundaries or authority.