The way some people let toddlers behave......

Not just you. Where it affects my child I've started telling the other children off. I can't be arsed with it anymore and I'm not going to teach my daughter to put up with the shit I'd tell her off for. Stuff like kicking the back of her chair or repeatedly taking her turn.

I think it depends on the temperament of the child . No two siblings are alike . I was gobsmacked at the post up thread where the girl was punching her mother because she wouldn't buy her something.

These same kids grow up to become worse teenagers and adults.
Yet these parents are the ones complaining that the education system is broken! Is broken because teachers simply cannot control 32 children that have never been told ‘no’.

I am one of those parents, as is DH, who will step in and loudly tell other children to behave/stop cutting in line/tell the kids to go down the slide anyway and ignore the little git climbing the slide. I was a Nanny for 10 years and then a teacher at a PRU. 90% of the time, the children respond well and think about their behaviour from then, which is nice to see. It doesn't need to be aggressive or rude, but clear and concise.

Parenting standards have plummeted, but remember, the worst in society are always the loudest and most aggressive and can seem like they are everywhere! There are some amazing parents out there.

I need to tell myself the above, as DDs want to go to a playground which has form for being full of unregulated behaviour 😆

Wish me luck.

Yes, it is relentless and very tiring to moniter a child.
It's hard and most people are sympathetic.

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

Yes it's a developmental stage but not something to just leave them to grow out of! As a parent, you should be teaching and guiding them, even if that results in screaming and tantrums that YOU then have to navigate. To just leave them to it, is quite honestly lazy parenting.

It amazes me that people are still so ignorant of child development, after all the research and information that is readily available out there. People that are offended by a small child's "behaviour" really need to take a long hard look at themselves and I am talking about the 2-4 year old bracket. Why expect the behaviour of an older child? when every piece of literature out there tells us it is not developmentally possible in the toddler years. Someone with an 8 year old child should not be annoyed at a child that is just emerging from babyhood, it is very wrong.

I don't think anyone on here is offended or bothered by a small child's behaviour. What people are bothered and offended about is lazy parents who can't be bothered to parent their child in favour of a quiet life.

Yes, I agree.

The most unruly children I have seen were two boys about ten who were the children of Japanese tourists.They were rushing and causing danger to older folk (some unsteady on their feet) in the Tower of London. The parents watched and didn't take any issue when they shoved, pushed and ran.

I had to ask one lad to please take care near the lady with her walking stick. And also remind them that it was not yet their turn as Mr Red Jumper was there waiting well before them.

I’m always close by to my toddler. Unless he’s in immediate danger such as running towards moving swings or about to destroy something another child’s built I do ask him to step away/stop etc before physically removing him. 9/10 he will and prevents any behaviour starting.

I’d had a lovely morning with him yesterday, he was an angel in a cafe. Sat at the table throughout, walked beautifully across to the shops and then decided to run away. Screamed when I asked him to come and walk by me. I got down to his level told him no that wasn’t ok etc etc. Screamed even louder and longer when I took his hand and didn’t let go - I gave up on most of my shopping and just grabbed what I couldn’t wait for. I got a fair bit of judgement based on the looks on a few peoples faces. Often you’re only seeing a snippet of behaviour. Most parents I know are very good but there are parents I see weekly at groups etc who are clearly not interested in actively parenting. It’s not just toddlers though I’d say I see worse behaviour from school aged children when in the park etc with parents nowhere in sight.

I think it's obvious when the parents are trying though, and most people are very sympathetic of that. That's not what OP's describing.

My friend's wee boy sounds a lot like yours. I love that child and there's not an ounce of badness in him but my word he's a handful. A whirlwind of energy and impulsive choices. His parents are all over it though, you'd never see him and think he's not being parented.

@CatsandDogs22 agree you with on that.

I think perhaps some people are not familiar with this kind of situation and, when they see it, don’t understand.

We have a child in our lives who is a hitter, biter etc.
He’s not our child, so I just support parents where possible if we are out and the challenging behaviour happens.

I’ve seen the judgement mum gets sometimes. It must be really hard

I think we all recognise that parents are distracted by phones and coffees. I was constantly irritated by selfish parents but fortunately that stage has ended now as my kids are older.

I think it’s pretty uniquely British too, French, Eastern European and Asian families I know don’t put up with it either.

It's absolutely NOT uniquely British!!!!!

I agree with others that it's not just toddlers.
I encounter this problem at the library with my 6 month old. Toddlers running around, clambering onto the stools, coming up to my baby. I understand their curiosity, but poking my baby in the face, pulling her ear and hair, taking the book she was happily playing with and shouting "bad baby" is just not on. I feel sorry for the toddlers being left to roam free whilst the mother sits on their phone at a nearby table completely oblivious. Once in frustration I did say in a fairly loud voice "To whom does this child belong?". Felt a bit bad afterwards but equally I don't think it's unreasonable to point out that toddlers need supervision!

I agree OP, I think all of this gentle parenting movement has meant that some people think they can legitimately give up on it. Mobile phones haven’t helped…

My kids were no angels and I am sure I missed some things but what I was never guilty of was at least not trying to stop them and, if necessary, removing them. Yes it meant that some days out ended sooner than expected, we had some time outs, some days were frankly miserable but they did eventually get it.

I think it’s pretty uniquely British too, French, Eastern European and Asian families I know don’t put up with it either.

SD has three kids.12.8 and 4.
The eldest one is not much bother but the other two are a nightmare.
We leave quite far apart so don't see them very often thankfully.
We met up with them in one of those family type pubs..They 8yr old proceeded to kick the daylights out dh .all the while with a nasty spiteful smirk on his face..he's ignorant..won't answer when spoken to ..has no manners.
The 4yr old screams most of the time. Their mother just says 'stop it'
Thankfully I don't have to spend much time with them ..but jesus ...take control of your kids can't you.

Just back from holiday in the Canaries
Was really shocked at the number of children who were allowed to run around the self service restaurant
Ine was even on a skateboard !

Yep. Me too. My son was a handful and I always followed it up at home, if he did something wrong during the day in school. He is turning into such a lovely, well mannered young man but I do think that it's because my husband and I have been very consistent in addressing his behaviour from a young age. He has a very, very strong personality and i think he would be very difficult (and quite unlikeable, if im honest!) if we left him to his own devices, without very strong guidance from us and partnership with the school.

So right, parents don't seem willing to teach children from an early age to respect others basically. At 2 or whatever they don't know yet so parents have to be fully engaged in correcting behaviour at say a farm park, holding onto them and removing them immediately if they are getting in the way, into the buggy if needed. At they grow they need the skills to take turns, wait, etc etc

People are blaming covid for classroom issues but ask teachers, it was going the same way before, covid just accelerated the issues. These lessons start as toddlers. But it's not all families, I've met lovely polite kids and those children are having their lives disrupted by the ones whose parents are "gentle parenting" aka not teaching right from wrong.

My kids are well adjusted adults and I'm exasperated by what I see now as are all my friends

What I hate about comments like this is that it confirms for me that everywhere we go people are judging the hell out of us.

my daughter is neurodiverse. There are many reasons that in that moment she might get it wrong and might not react the way you would expect.

OP, I completely agree with you.

Exactly

@Cookieland I don't agree with that personally. I would back up the teacher by talking to my child and making sure they understood but I wouldn't take privileges away at home unless it was a serious and ongoing issue. Kids need a fresh start at home and a place to emotionally recuperate and try again better the next day at school. I think there's a balance to be found there. I see a lot of parents on the internet saying they're "not that parent" because when the school gives a punishment they pile on more punishments at home but I think it can be a real mistake. Depending on the kid of course.

@Wishingplenty its not bullshit and nonsense.
Ive just said I wouldn’t allow this, and I wouldn’t.

What people are getting at is they won’t just sit there ignoring it or sipping coffee or on phones like SOME people do. Like the OPs examples.

Doesn’t mean nobody understands child development, or their own child and their behaviours or have “forgotten”.

Mine is 2 and feral I’m right here living it.

If he screams and shouts when we go round aldi I take him to the walking path outside.

If he tries to steal toys off others, I give it back and explain how we share / take turns / don’t snatch etc.

I am also VERY understanding. If I see a parent struggling I will help, any day, any time.

If it’s one of these lazy feckers deliberately ignoring it that’s a different issue

They are not annoyed at the toddler, they are at the parents!
Yes normal for the toddler to stand in front if the slide but the parents is supposed to move them straightaway.

Of course toddlers act like toddlers.
Of course they are likely to not know about safety.
That's why parents are there.
Things happen. They can't be watched every second but if they are affecting other people or it's a repeat action then move them away. If they have a tantrum and you don't move them because they're having a tantrum what are they learning?