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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

190 replies

NaanAnaan · 06/10/2024 04:39

Dh wants us all to go to Spain for 7 nights at Xmas with his PIL and his child-free sister. I don’t want to.

We would be staying in a large vacation home of family friend, but it will be too cold to swim in their pool (about 17 in the day) so I suspect kids will be disappointed and will whinge. And I have only a handful of days off work so I would have to work some days while we are there from 8am to 5.30pm.

It will cost £1600 for our travel to the airport, flights, and kennelling our pets for a week.

I told dh amiably that I don’t really want to go but so the in-laws aren’t disappointed he would be welcome to take the kids and I’ll have the £400 to spend on myself, thanks!

My teen dd then chimed in, “actually can I stay home with mum and have the £400 too?”

At which point dh lost the plot and yelled at us both “fine we won’t go then!” and was quite unpleasant to me.

aibu to just say no?

OP posts:
DoloresDelEriba · 06/10/2024 06:22

You do sound a bit miserable about it. But I’d love to go to Spain for Christmas. A proper calm discussion is required. I don’t think some going and some not is a sensible solution. Mostly because it’s really rude. But I’m old school. And quite old. And have ‘manners’. Sorry.

Savingthehedgehogs · 06/10/2024 06:20

MumChp · 06/10/2024 06:03

No a teen can't stay at home and cash £400. Nor should you! It's not how a family or marriage work.

FGS never get children into a discussion like this. If I were your partner I would be so so mad that you tried to trick a teenager to get it your way.

It's about the pool? Spain is so much more than a pool? You could have a great adventure. Is it about money? Can you afford it? Is it about your husband's family?

Edited

Beyond the churches and perhaps horse riding what are you suggesting they do in the winter in Spain exactly? It’s too cold for most water sports, the pools and beaches will be too cold. Many holiday hot spots will be closed out of season. Many of the restaurants will be too. I lived there for years and the winters can be bleak. They don’t have central heating in many places, so it’s also very cold.

Have you actually tried dragging disinterested teens around churches?
They could use the holiday money in the summer and enjoy the experience. Op also has to work. This is in no way going to be fun for anyone…

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 06/10/2024 06:17

amothersinstinct · 06/10/2024 06:11

And if it was your parents you'd be visiting OP....I'm sure you'd have made the effort

But would her partner? If you need to work then I would just say you can't go because of work. He probably thought it would make a nice change. I probably wouldn't have bought the money into the conversation in front of your child. I would be clear that the child isn't getting £400.

RandomUsernameHere · 06/10/2024 06:17

YANBU for not wanting to go but YABU for mentioning the money and saying you're going to spend it on yourself. Especially in front of the children. I think that's a pretty unpleasant attitude.

amothersinstinct · 06/10/2024 06:11

And if it was your parents you'd be visiting OP....I'm sure you'd have made the effort

Savingthehedgehogs · 06/10/2024 06:10

I wouldn’t want to go either.
Its a waste of money, too cold, op knows her teen dc will be bored without a pool.
You also have to work, and kennel the pets over Christmas. It’s perfectly okay just to say no it’s not for you. If dp wants to go with his parents, he can.

In our home we sit down and discuss holidays. If my dh wasn’t keen on this over Xmas we wouldn’t be going.

it sounds like your dp is trying to keep his family happy, and not considering you or the dc.

MayaPinion · 06/10/2024 06:09

I wouldn't want to go either. Can you go out for a weekend citing work as the reason you can't stay longer?

MumChp · 06/10/2024 06:03

No a teen can't stay at home and cash £400. Nor should you! It's not how a family or marriage work.

FGS never get children into a discussion like this. If I were your partner I would be so so mad that you tried to trick a teenager to get it your way.

It's about the pool? Spain is so much more than a pool? You could have a great adventure. Is it about money? Can you afford it? Is it about your husband's family?

Mamabobogo · 06/10/2024 05:53

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HoppityBun · 06/10/2024 05:52

IAmAFirestarter · 06/10/2024 05:31

If you're going to take the £400 to spend on yourself it's not about the money. It's just you don't want to go. I'd have had that conversation away from the kids. Also, the bit about the pool. Surely it's a parent's job to manage expectations and find other stuff to do. What are your real reasons for not wanting to go?

It’ll be too cold to use the pool
The children will be bored and whinge
The pets will have to be kennelled
OP will have to work anyway 8:00 - 5:30 some days
It’s a lot of money to travel abroad and then have to work

Those seem good enough real reasons to me.

IAmAFirestarter · 06/10/2024 05:31

If you're going to take the £400 to spend on yourself it's not about the money. It's just you don't want to go. I'd have had that conversation away from the kids. Also, the bit about the pool. Surely it's a parent's job to manage expectations and find other stuff to do. What are your real reasons for not wanting to go?

Tracyblot · 06/10/2024 04:58

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SantasRubiksCube · 06/10/2024 04:52

Not unreasonable to not want to go but is that to say you'd be happy to not spend Christmas together?

Tulip8 · 06/10/2024 04:46

Not unreasonable but a conversation I would have had away from the children to start with.

Weenurse · 06/10/2024 04:45

Not unreasonable,

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