To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

It’s not about the location is it?

I live in Spain. It’s around 18-20 degrees Christmas Day and we go to the beach! As do a lot that live here! Costa Blanca.

Not unreasonable to not want to go.

But if you worded it in such an insensitive way as though you weren't bothered about seeing his family and it was all about the money then I'm not surprised your DH was upset. It comes over as though you were enjoying being hurtful.

YABU.

Wetsuits?

OP if you don't want to go you don't want to go. Ignore everyone trying to persuade you.

I swim in the outdoor pool at my gym all year! You get surprisingly used to it, and Spain will be warmer than the UK. It’ll still be nice to go for mountain walks, beach walks, see the local sights, eat nice food, relax together. And you could get lucky with the weather and ir ends up being sunny and quite warm.

It seems perfectly reasonable for the DH to want to spend time with his wider family at Christmas.

I'm not a big fan of my PIL, but I recognise that they are DH's and the DC's family, and they would like to spend it together.

When was the last time your DH saw his family, or spent Christmas with them?

Could the compromise be that you all go, but for a shorter time?

It was 15 degrees here yesterday and bright sunshine and it was beautiful and people were in the sea and enjoying the beaches

OP hasnt said where the holiday is, so people talking about 'holiday hotspots' may be off key

I also dont understand how a child has been brought up to be only enjoy a holiday if a pool is involved,

And no, it shouldnt have been discussed in front of the children and the children need to go if thats the plan from the husband. If mum chooses to opt out, she can, she is an adult but the chlidren need to go.

It sounds like an unpleasant exchange from start to finish from all involved.

Has this just literally popped up out of the blue or have you been talking about it and you’ve now decided you really don’t want to go?

Ive never heard anything like the £400 comment.

I wouldn’t want to go as we spend Xmas with my mine and my DH parents altogether. But if that wasn’t an issue I’d jump at the chance of defrosting for week! Some parts of Spain will still have very pleasant weather. Bit strange teenagers can only be entertained by a pool!

I think it was strange how you immediately asked for the money to spend on yourself.
And I'd be making it clear to teenager they are to go and not getting the money

But as to whether you were unreasonable in not wanting to go on the holiday depends for me...how much time do you spend together with his family? If this is a pattern of not really spending time with them, I can see his annoyance. What do you normally do for Christmas as a family?

Also, is this over Christmas? Will you be missing Christmas with your family?

Given you could afford to have the £400 to treat yourself, doesnt aound like money is the issue so I think for family time (even if you have to work some if it) I'd have gone . Holidays are what you make of them and teenagers can find stuff to do...so what of weather is grim, its grim in England too!

I wouldn't want to go either especially over Christmas. I prefer always being in my own home, and thankfully dh is the same. Also if you have to work, I would rather do it at home. The kids will be bored it seems. Fine to suggest you stay back, but the kids don't get the money if they want to stay too.
Do the kids want to go ?

They can do the exact same things as they do when visiting relatives in the uk? Or maybe even a bit more? Or are they only allowed to visit their nan and aunt on their dad’s side when their mum can get a nice holiday out of it?

No one offered you £400, OP, that was a crass comment. So you're not going on holiday with his family, and you want to spend a load of money anyway?
Sounds like the kids are older and if they want to swim in a freezing pool they can just take a wetsuit.

Not unreasonable for not wanting to go, but you are being very unreasonable for suggesting you can keep the 400 pounds especially in from of your teenager.
I guess it would be a different outcome if you wanted to see your parents.

Fine to say it’s a bad idea to go and the reasons why.

But to say you will stay home and spend £400 on yourself in front of the dc was incredibly manipulative.

Clearly it’s not about the money if you’re still open to spending it.

Tell your teen DD no, she’s not getting 400 quid!

Not unreasonable to not want to go

But why would you or the teen get handed £400 for not going?

We spent a wonderful Christmas in Andalusia with teenagers. You can have a great family holiday if you want.
If you don't want from day 1 of course it's awful, yes, true....

I think it was unreasonable to discuss in front of the children and absolutely unreasonable to say that you'd rather have the money to spend on yourself, I can see why your DH would be hurt by your teen saying that about seeing his family. I understand that it probably isn't ideal with the timing because you have to work but you could try and compromise on timing or something? Do you mean you stay home on Christmas day without your family because that's pretty sad, I can see why he wasn't happy.

Just to clarifiy the trip would be with DH’s parents or DH’s DS’s PIL?

I would be absolutely furious if my dp had this discussion in front of the children. Can't get past that.

Honestly, I think you are being difficult and the net result is because you don't want to go no one will now go. Possibly the entire Christmas holiday will now be cancelled by the in-laws. Can imagine it's not going to be a good look on you with your in-laws anyway. You could have handled this much better.

YABU not to support your husband plans to celebrate the holiday with his family. You haven't even tried to compromise because you just selfishly don't want to go.
None of the reasons you mentioned are real reasons, you're just trying to justify it to yourself.

I can’t work out whether your PIL live in Spain (so this is a visit) or whether this is designed to be a group holiday.

if they live there, and you don’t often
spend Christmas with them, then you’re being pretty mean to your DH.