To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

While some of your points are valid (having to work and paying for kennels over Christmas), you made yourself look quite unpleasant by saying (in front of your kids) that you'd just stay home and spend the £400 instead.

I'm not surprised your husband is upset with you.

If you didn't want to go, it was a conversation to have with DH in private.

Fair question! 😁

Yes exactly this. Plus Op is working some days anyway, her DH and in-laws can entertain the kids. What do you do in England with them when it’s also not pool weather?

What about seeing family? Spending time with grandparents?
everything isn’t always black and white. I am
from a boring place abroad, sometimes it’s very hot and sometimes too cold to do nice things. My DH does not constantly winge he has to go there and spend time there. I know it’s not always exciting there but it’s also family time for me and the kids.

YANBU

You still have to work but in a different location and you don’t want to spend the money on top of Christmas gifts.

I took your £400 comment as that is how much it cost for you to go and you rather not spend the money to go when you’ll be working and likely end up doing most of the parenting. I think it would be a bit different if you weren’t all staying together because your DH could take the kids out to his family while you work vs having to have others about while you are trying to work and likely being interrupted.

People make too much of a big deal out of Christmas as if there isn’t other times in the year to spend with people.

I wonder if OP often demands money when she doesn’t want to go to an event.

Shall we go out to dinner tonight, no, but I’ll have the £50 instead.

I think if you read the post correctly OP states she brought my it up.

So Not sure why you think the DH is at fault there?

OP also stated she wanted £400 for herself, encouraging her DC to ask for the same. The apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree here.

Nothing wrong not wanting to go, but the way she’s done it and wanting £400 as she’s not going, is entitled and unkind.

Does he often try to railroad you into doing things that only really suit him and his family? Do you have family you'd like to see over Christmas?

I have been to Spain many times in winter \ early spring in all weathers, having Spanish grandparents, but I'm not a teenager with expectations of Sun and sand. I recently spent a few days in a rainy city checking out the museum s restaurants etc and enjoyed the break thoroughly, but most people I know would have hated it.

It was a very cheap break too! OP knows what she likes and knows her child? Why should all three go and only one enjoy it?

Presumably DH brought it up in front of the teen, but neither teen or wife allowed an opinion!?!

Unless there’s a massive back story such as you don’t get on with PILs or you can’t afford the flights and he wants to get you into debt then I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It sounds like it’s a whole week’s free accommodation in Spain, to get to spend family time. There are loads of things to do in Spain over Christmas, it’s not just about pools and water parks.

I also think if the post was about someone’s DH wanting to spend Christmas at home alone the responses would be very different.

Its not unreasonable to say no , but you didn't just say no. You chose to say it in a way that made it sound like you were very happy to spend Christmas on your own instead of with your family in return for £400. Your DC then decided £400 was better than seeing Dad siblings and GPS at Xmas. I would be feeling pretty pissed off if I was DH, not because you didn't want to go but the fact you are seemingly very happy to spend Xmas alone.

What a lost opportunity OP! You should be encouraging your DC to be adventurous and support them to experience different cultures and ways of doing things.

instead you are teaching them to value 400 quid over travel.

I wonder if they will look back as adults and question your choices somewhat….

@Nameftgigb the PILs don't live out there, they have decided with their childfree DD to go on holiday gor a week over Christmas and want their Son and his family to go with them. If the PILs only get to see one of their adult children over Christmas it's because they've decided to go on holiday.

It sounds like working would be quite difficult if everyone is expected to be a big family group, or your kids are bored and having a go at you!

It's a group holiday, thought up by her PIL and childfree SIL. Posters seem to think that they live out there and they don't get to see them.
@DoloresDelEriba but would you board your dog. On the one day off work, spend it flying out. Then have to sit in working from the accommodation. Not be able to see your family/friends. Not have the usual food/drink/television etc over Christmas, when you were an age to have children at home?
Most teens wouldn't want to not see their friends and have proper downtime at home over Christmas. I think that the teen should have been asked for input. It's their Christmas too.

My in-laws live abroad, and DH often takes the kids to see them without me. I often go, too, but not always. It suits us all as DH and the kids enjoy it, and I enjoy time alone at home.
So I don't think you're at all unreasonable to stay at home while they go. However, I do think you're unreasonable to want the £400! What's all that about? The money is for travel. If you don't want to go, that's fine, but why take the £400? I also wouldn't be discussing it in front of the kids.
So yes, I think you're slightly unreasonable in the way you're approaching it.

Sounds like a shit deal for you.

A family holiday should be enjoyable for all the family.

your DH has the hump because you're not willing to have a shit time while he has a blast.

Without you he'd have to handle the whining kids himself.

Your compromise was reasonable. Not your fault if he's cutting off his nose to spite his face now.

Wow, read the comment about the £400 as OP making a point/joke, not a serious ask, but maybe I've really misinterpreted the OP!

OP I think this isn't great on a number of counts. You sound maybe a little churlish?
It's another country, an adventure!
Couldn't you start with a private conversation with DP about what this might involve? Definitely not in front of any DC.
No pool is a shame but it depends on what other adventures are to be had locally. Can DP take DC while you are working?
Are there festivities and markets and events for DC or does everything shut for Christmas and it's all about family? if so, that's a bit hard on DC,
I'm a lifelong pet owner and lover but kennelling pets is just what you have to do and is incidental. It comes with the territory.

Are there other reasons you don't want to go?

I think the £400 was a bonus for not going not the actual reasoning for not going.. A week with ils at Xmas? No thanks!!

On the face of it yanbu.

But.
There has to be more to this... did he broach this to you for the first time in front of the teen?

What are your usual plans for Christmas?

lol kids go in a pool no matter the weather 😂. But if you don't want to go, you don't have to

I think we need a bit more context. What do you normally do for Christmas? Does your DH often get to see his sister and parents? Who chooses where you go on holiday normally? Will DH organise it? Who will be doing the cooking/ cleaning when you get there?

Personally if my DH wanted to go and he didn’t have a history of always monopolising Christmas I would go. I’d manage kids expectations beforehand about no pool but think if a few other things to do (indoor pool, nice market, festive food). The weather could be decent but even if not we’ve had some fab winter holidays in Europe with the kids and I love seeing how places celebrate Christmas. I’d also expect my DH to occasionally do something they didn’t want to do at Christmas if it meant a lot to me (I’m dragging him across the UK to meet with my family this year, somewhere it is likely to be more cold and miserable than home!).

That might not be the case though if i suspected I’d be doing all of the cooking and washing up or otherwise being treated as a skivvy. I think I’d not go if that’s what had happened in the past. But the £400 is neither here nor there and I agree it was a bit manipulative to discuss it in front of your teen.

And is there nothing local to enjoy other than the pool?

Christmas in Spain is beautiful, new ideas, foods, cultural traditions, religious services.
Something different to expand your DC’s view of Spain as only being about the pool.

Where in Spain are your family going?

You are being unreasonable splitting your family at Christmas. Costs are not massive, working for part of it seems fine. You are making excuses.

Agree with others, this is a conversation you and DH needed to have without DCs in the room.

Is there an option to go at a warmer time instead ? That would be my opening gambit, as it seems a shame to spend all that money and not get warm weather.