To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

She’s a brat for asking for £400, which is more an incentive than wanting to be home, I’m sure.

but it’s not hard to see why she acts like that!

@Savingthehedgehogs you're acting as though Spain is some kind of holiday theme park for Brits and that there couldn't possibly be anything enjoyable to do there outside of tourist season

I think context it's important.

Do you spend every Christmas with your side of the family and you're throwing a strop about seeing his?
Or do you go away with his every year and you're fed up of it being dictated by them all the time?

I imagine the actual situation is somewhere in the middle but probably still relevant.

Either way I think raising the "I'll keep my £400" in front of a teenager was a bit manipulative. If this holiday is actually over Christmas Day I assume you don't actually want to be apart from your children and husband? So it does look like maybe you engineered it so that your child wouldn't want to go either.

OP I’m baffled by the responses you’ve had. I’m beginning to think if a poster takes a strong position on something, she will be shot down in flames by some posters even if that means saying the exact opposite to what they would say to a woman who was less confident.

I’ve read countless posts saying if the DH wants the family to holiday with his parents and the wife didn’t want to go then he should take the children without her.

Similarly, if a husband is taking a holiday without his wife, the wife should have the same opportunity. That’s got to include the £, so why shouldn’t you have the £400.

I don’t think your 14 year old should be given £400. She doesn’t contribute to family expenses / holidays. But I am surprised that she has been called a brat for deciding she also would prefer to stay at home. If children of that age can choose which parent they live with when parents divorce, why shouldn’t they choose not to go on a holiday and stay home with their mum.

That holiday is likely to be very disappointing and boring for the children. Most resorts have little to offer off season, especially for children. If they can’t even swim, they will just be travelling a long way to do exactly what they would’ve been doing at home.

I can’t even see the attraction for the adults. Winter sun is nice but why go at Christmas unless you want to avoid it, which I assume they don’t as they are taking the kids. Have they got all the stuff needed for Christmas out there? Or will it be half arsed and not as Christmassy for the children as it would be at home?

Stay home and if your youngest wants to go she can go with DH. You’re not telling him he can’t go. Why is him wanting you to go more important than you not wanting to?

Not unreasonable to not want to go but shouldn't have mentioned the money.

To me a holiday is about getting away and forgetting about work. To be working a few days there would be awful.

I wouldn’t go and think you’re certainly not unreasonable to stay home.

You realise some people actually live in Spain all year round - it’s a country not a holiday park for British tourists?!

If that were my family even if there wasn’t a lot to do we would amuse ourselves with movies, board games, cooking nice food etc.

It will cost £1600 for our travel to the airport, flights, and kennelling our pets for a week.

The cost seems slightly irrelevant tbh because you’re putting it across as it’s a lot of money but you not going wouldn’t save the money because you’ve said you’d have £400 to spend on yourself. You’ve got your reasons why you don’t want to go but they don’t seem enough to spend Christmas as a family separately. The £1600 would be being spent either way from the plans you had, the kids you tell them beforehand the pool will be to cold to swim in, the holiday is for 7 nights you say you only have a handful of holiday days so will have to work a couple(?) of days. All sounds doable tbh… is it that you just don’t want to go? What was said to the child when they suggested getting £400 for not going, did you shut that idea down?

@HoppityBun the first 2 reasons that you list are lame reasons.

Only the fellow manipulative ones.

17 degrees is not cold.
no I don’t have teens but I find it laughable that kids are whingy if the pool is too cold and there is nothing else they can possibly do anyway. They are there with dad when mum works, surely they can do trips and activities together. But sounds like they are entitled like mum (demanding money for not going)

quite a stretch to say going to Spain at Christmas is miserable unless you can use the pool.

You have valid reasons not to go so are not being unreasonable, but you were being unreasonable to bring it up in front of your children and ask for the £400! This was
adult conversation and should have been discussed when the children were in bed, sensibly.

Many of us agree with her actually!

You knew exactly what you were doing OP.

Going away at Christmas sounds lovely. Even nicer to a family friend's home. You decided to do that to prove a point and if I was your husband I'd be going, without any of you.

Op won't come back now she's had her arse handed to her.

Not the point but is 17 degrees really too cold to swim? That’s positively balmy in much of the UK 😂 Perhaps the pool will be drained for winter though.

Conflicted about this as DH wants us to travel “home” for Xmas but he really means to his family. I’ve said I don’t want to as i don’t enjoy being torn between 3 different non-adjacent parental locations (and tbh I’ve had enough of his family xmases, nice as his family all are) - I would rather stay home and not have to put the cats in a cattery and keep options open if older DD decides to come home from uni or perhaps pop over to see her. But he and DS are welcome to go across. Need to consider if I am being unreasonable, as DH probably does have some romantic notion about being together on Cmas Day but I’m not bothered now that kids are older teens..

I don’t think you are BU to stay home except in the way you’ve framed this in front of the kids and the attitude about the money.

The bath Christmas markets are great fun for teens with ice skating! It’s very Christmassy!

Do you actually have teens???

The idea that they should content themselves with three relatives they hardly see for SEVEN days over Christmas is laughable. Op is predicting arguments and boredom, and I suspect that is exactly what it will be like. These places are summer destinations for a reason. There is very little to do otherwise.

It is cold, it can be wet, and all of the usual attractions and activities may well be closed. Op is right to have her reservations in my view ( mother of teens)

YANBU about not wanting to go but YABU in the way you went about it.

Bit of a jump. Personally I would stay with ILs over my mum.

Seriously you are saying that two kids/teenagers can’t entertain themselves without a pool or their friends for SEVEN days? They will be with at least 4 family members.
christ alive

i doubt if they stay in the Uk that they are dying to go to the Cotswolds or Bath.

YANBU not to want to go.

YANBU to suggest he takes the DC if he and they want to go.

YABU having this convo in front of DC.

The monetisation of your Christmas arrangements is odd.

In England we have a huge variety of activities to do in inclement weather they simply do not exist in Spain. The teens will have their own friends, lives and socials here. They won’t be away from home.

Christmas events in the uk are huge and varied in comparison. Spanish festivities are limited to largely religious ceremonies and family gatherings and celebrations. It is completely different.

I have to say the U.K. at Christmas is one of the best experiences. It’s one of the things we do well! London, Edinburgh, Bath, Cotswolds are flooded with tourists for that reason. I think op will be much happier at home.

Not unreasonable to not want to go but incredibly petty to ask for cash instead (unless you were joking).

Sorry I misunderstood, I thought PILs live in Spain. YANBU for not wanting to go, demanding £400 and involving your teen was a bit mean and unnecessary. You are also quite negative about a nice place that will still be tons warmer than England immediately saying the kids will whinge. Sounds like you are not keen to spend Christmad together.

We need more info.

Do ILs live close? How often do you normally see them over Christmas? For how long ?

One of your kids is a teen. How old is the other one?

Who decided location ? Would you go if it was a different location? Only being able to be amused by a pool is strange. What would h be doing all day because the kids doing the same activity would make sense to me.

Are you reluctant to go because of past history or is h likely to do something like get drunk every day with his family and expect you to do the cooking and cleaning ?