To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

1 of them has turned around and said she doesn’t want to go, straight after she heard her mum say she doesn’t want to go and have the £400 instead.

There was no mention of any of the kids not wanting to go before then.

They don’t want to go because they want their £400 like their mother does!

Do you not think the mother is wrong encouraging that type of greed?

if you don’t, it’s a poor reflection on you.

Agree with the majority, not unreasonable to stay behind given the reasons you state, however you were beyond unreasonable to say that infront of your teenager. No wonder your DH is annoyed.

Vivid imagination and want to be right.

jokes are funny, when all
parties laugh…..

Is it strong arming or having an opinion? She doesn’t have to agree. Maybe they could agree on a time she would like, or maybe the idea of a holiday at all with them is unworkable for the sake of family harmony. I get the impression the in laws live here and they are all using a friends villa for the week. Compromise might work, it might not.

I think it's a bit miserable to strong arm your dp out of a Christmas with his family because it won't be as much fun as a usual summer holiday.

I wouldn't go away over Christmas Day if that meant missing seeing other family members.

However if it's in the south of Spain it's brilliant for a short break just after Christmas or over new year. While it's damp and miserable at home you can be walking around in the sunshine, playing sports on the beach. Just sitting outside and feeling some sunshine and warmth - and even though it's quite chilly in the evening, most places have heaters and blankets so you can still sit outside and take in the atmosphere with the little squares/ buildings all lit up .

As long as you have WiFi, iPad/laptop, and maybe if your kids have some sort of hand held gaming device you aren't totally relying on the weather being good 100 per cent.

It's not the same as a summer holiday obviously- but for 2.5 hours on a plane I love it!

In fact can I add that when my DH first suggested it, my thoughts were 'haven't I got enough to do over this time of year, now I've got to faff about packing suitcases'. But once I arrived I was an immediate convert.

The tone of the post, I guess.

They don’t want to go so that isn’t an issue as far as I can see.

What makes you thinking that she was joking?

Your need to try and make your opinion correct?

I can’t see any laughing emojis?

You couldn’t pay me to not be with my kids for 7 nights at Christmas.

If OPs DH is the sort of person who “just throws ideas out there” without having thought through the practicalities that can be exhausting (speaking from experience!) but she had handled this one very badly! @NaanAnaan if I were you I’d apologise to DH and then step through with him (away from the kids!) all the practical reasons this idea doesn’t work. If he wants it to work then he has to come up with the solutions that work for everyone.

You couldn’t pay me £4000 to agree to this! Just to put it out there! 😂

Yes this is so right! 😂

Well you don't have to go but to expect £400 and to say that in front of the children was a bit thoughtless

I agree that you anbu not to want to go. That is how you feel. You were really out of order with the £400 discussion in front of children though. I don't think there is any getting past that. If I were you, I would be going now.

The way you handled it sounds really horrible and if my husband did this I would be really upset.
If you didntvwant to go you could have had a proper chat about it all.

Me too, I assumed it was a joke too.

Or maybe it’s just to show that there won’t be other kids/ teens there?

I don’t think the OP had had her arse handed to her at all. Opinions seem pretty mixed, and the poll is that she is NBU. Yes, some people are using pretty OTT language.

I think Op, YANBU not to want to go, and not to go. Your reasons seem fair enough, and this isn’t something one parent should be able to railroad the family into.

Your teen obviously doesn’t get £400 for not going though- I hope you told her that straight away!

I don’t think a marriage partner (ie you) should be taking £400 from the family pot to stay home either as to me that’s not how a family works. However I assumed it was a joke!

suspect that OP doesn't like the PIL or the "child-free sister" (why is her child-free status relevant here? And why do I get the vibe the OP disapproves of it?).

Probably to add to the frothiness. It's got everything that some people on here hate - husband asking for wife and kids to spend time with his family, the dreaded in laws and as the cherry on the top the child free sister who is probably going to be painted as a child hating witch in any subsequent drip feeds.

Where does it say anything about the DH raising it in front of the kids?

They had worked out how much it was going to cost to get there and for kennels etc.
OP had worked out that she would have to work and couldn’t get time off etc.

He hadn’t just brought it up.
They’d obviously discussed it previously and OP had then thought about it and decided she would rather stay at home.

But then chose to say it in front of the teen, instead of discussing her idea as adults first.

Like PP have said, the 'I'll stay at home and have the £400' seems odd and not how my idea of a family works.

What's the financial situation with you and your DH? What's your relationship like? Transactional and always trying to get one up on each other?

Yep, I'm not saying he's painting himself in glory.

But she's still the one who said "he would be welcome to take the kids and I’ll have the £400 to spend on myself" - which not only sounds really selfish, it also basically cancels out her whole argument about money and how much it'll cost.

Ummm the dp raised the subject in front of said teen. So not really op’s fault at all.