To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

The irony!

So funny!

Bye bye! Enjoy Christmas, whatever you decide to do….

Hi OP
Flouncing again?

No one is trying to force anyone to do anything. Pointing out how badly OP (you) behaved and saying sometimes we have to suck it up for family isn't forcing anything

I think you are way too invested in forcing op to do something she doesn’t want to. I am out.

Being party of a family, sometimes means compromise though!

Would you not agree? The title indicates she wants to send her DH off with the children, then she says they don’t want to go?

where does it say it’s “her” money, but you’re right she wants to spend it on herself….

Have you conceded now that it wasn’t a hilariously s joke with all the lolsssss?

Honestly this thread is ridiculous! Op can choose how she spends her own money and time.

Because OP has showed poor values, by asking for a reward of £400 for not going. When she doesn’t want to go.

Keep digging though!

I said sometimes, not every time. It's about balance and being in a relationship where both people "sometimes" get to do what they want. I think that makes for two happier people in a relationship.

If this were a family holiday, I would agree with you OP. But this is him wanting you guys to spend Christmas with his parents. If they flew to the U.K. for Christmas, there’d be no pool, it would be much colder….

It’s for Christmas, it’s not meant to be a holiday in the Sun.

So think your approach to this is unreasonable.

Why would the partners values matter more than ops?

Fine not to want to go but sometimes these things are not about wanting to do them but recognizing the value to of your partner.

It was either foolish or manipulative to have that conversation about not going in front of the children. I also think the attitude of your daughter is rude and entitled. For that reason alone, I would be going and backing my partner up in front of his daughter.

A week with my pil and I’d be at the absolute end of my tether. It’s quite a chunk of time, plus the OP will have to work. I’d not want to go either.

You are massively projecting on here. It doesn’t say in the op that it’s her dps ‘home country’ just that it is a friends vacation house that they will be staying in.

Most of these houses simply have a warm air facility on the air con units ( at best) and it doesn’t actually warm up the house. It’s very cold in December at times.

I agree it wasn’t ideal speaking about the money in front of the teen dc, but I’m not sure why they would want to go in the first place in the middle of winter.

That would explain how they know things for sure that haven't been mentioned by OP in their one post before never coming back

@AmeliaEarache

It’s a holiday home, which means it won’t have heating. It be will be bloody freezing!

It doesn't mean that at all . Every single place I've stayed in Spain has had heating - normally the aircon is dual purpose and blows warm as well as cold, and there may be additional plug in heaters. Sounds like your family just didn't choose well . Obviously I can't speak for the place that OP's family are renting .

Not manipulative in the slightest, just don’t think OP should have to go if she doesn’t want to and is working. She knows how her own children and DH will be as well as her in-laws as do the rest of us when it comes to our own.

Plus, I dislike the excuse that because it’s Christmas, one should do xyz.

The pool situation would be easy: You tell the dc before they go that in your opinion it will be far too cold to use. They then go without expectations. They can try it if they like, but you don't expect complaints about temperature.

But discussing it in front of dc is definitely not on. I think all three of mine would jump at £400 rather than a holiday unless it was particularly great.
In fact Ds would probably pay me £400 not to go away even if it was the most fun holiday ever. He hates going away at all.

Unclear from OP whether it’s her PIL (ie her DH parents), or her DH PIL (which can’t be, surely, as that would be her own parents?? Not sure what relevance the ‘child-free’ sister has to this topic?

We go to Italy at Christmas, so that DH can spend the holidays with his family, and my DS reconnect with his cousins, GPs etc. No pool involved; it’s just a regular visit at Christmas time, with all the usual traditions that involves.

Assuming the PIL are your children’s GPs, once you start setting the example to your DC that it’s ok not to go, that surely means they’ll see less of them going forward, especially once they get older. I can see why your DH was disappointed. As for putting a monetary value on it ……

Ahhh! You may be on to something there!

They have added details to the story a couple of times now.
And is adamant that OP is right and her DH is wrong 🤔

It doesn’t matter if she was joking about the money or not, she still said it in front of her child.

It was a discussion that should have been had when none of her kids were around.

Not seeing your kids for 7 nights over Xmas is a huge deal and OP and DH should have discussed this first. They then should have decided between them if they were going to allow the kids to stay home or make them go etc.

OP should not have said about not going on the family trip (which she’s serious about) in front of any of the children.

She definitely shouldn’t have mentioned the money (whether joking or not) in front of any of the children.

She was in the wrong.

YANBU, @NaanAnaan !

It’s a holiday home, which means it won’t have heating. It be will be bloody freezing!

They probably won’t have warm duvets and extra blankets to make up for the lack of heating either.

My parents staying in a holiday home with friends in Spain in February. Despite the great company they had a crap time, as everyone was too cold to sleep well overnight so was grumpy every day.

A holiday home is kitted out for stays during warm weather. It tends not to have the usual cool weather stuff a permanent residence would have.

I am reading your posts, why would you say that?

you’re being extremely obtuse!

Are you a sock, because OP hasn’t been back, strangely enough.

How would you like to never have a Christmas in your home country again because your family decided that it wasn't worth it if they couldn't use the pool?

You don’t appear to be reading my posts. I don’t think the op was serious about the money, at all, just saying she would rather keep the money and stay at home in jest.

It’s also possible she would prefer to spend the money in other ways - than go on a working holiday with her in laws. It does not sound like much of a holiday for her at all. It is not unreasonable either.