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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are an overnight guest in someone's home do you treat the bedroom you're staying in as though it's one of the communal areas?

135 replies

bluebirdholiday · 05/10/2024 22:32

Genuine question,

Am just back from staying with a friend in the states. So I was a guest in their apartment, had a bedroom of my own. The apartment is all on one level and 'my' room was tucked away right at the end so not off a main thoroughfare.

I only had a small carry on bag of stuff as only there for a long weekend, but I guess I had things out in the room. Not dirty socks or whatever, but stuff on the dressing table and maybe I'd draped my clothes over the back of the chair.

Anyway, she had visitors over and really told me off about my 'messy' bedroom and how I had to tidy it up as people were coming over and they'd be in there.

I'd honestly never heard of this before. If I have house guests I don't go in to their bedrooms while they're staying let alone ask them to pack away all traces of their stuff?

I ask genuinely if AIBU as I'm not sure if this is an American thing, a general thing or I am nbu to have expected that I could put my things out in the guest bedroom.

OP posts:
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purplecorkheart · 07/10/2024 11:13

In the few houses I was ever in, in the States there was always a bedroom where you were told to put your coats/bag etc. I wonder was that the room that was normally used for that.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2024 11:07

TheDeepEagle · 06/10/2024 18:24

And how did the room become “messy”, at least messy enough for her to comment on it, if you were only there for a long weekend?

This story has more holes than a Swiss cheese.

Are you just bored, OP, and decided to stir up a bit of anti-American froth (easily done on this site, by the way)?

Can you provide examples of the 'anti-American froth' please?

You are the one that sounds bored enough to analyse the OP's post to find 'more holes than a Swiss cheese'.

It is clear from the OP's posts that the room was not messy enough for her host to comment.

Lavender14 · 06/10/2024 18:41

I'd expect to keep it tidy but I also wouldn't expect to have anyone else in there for the duration of my stay.

user2848502016 · 06/10/2024 18:40

Yeah that's weird, I'd want you to make yourself comfortable in the bedroom (within reason obviously)

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 06/10/2024 18:35

How bizarre. If I'm a guest I keep the room reasonably tidy, but most of my overnight visitors leave stuff lying around all over the spare room and bathroom, and I don't mind at all. I feel free to go in their room if I need to, knocking first of course but wouldn't let anyone else go in there. There's nowt so strange as folk.

Original poster
bluebirdholiday · 06/10/2024 18:30

TheDeepEagle · 06/10/2024 18:24

And how did the room become “messy”, at least messy enough for her to comment on it, if you were only there for a long weekend?

This story has more holes than a Swiss cheese.

Are you just bored, OP, and decided to stir up a bit of anti-American froth (easily done on this site, by the way)?

Are you seriously this bored that you want to come on to a very mundane thread and accuse someone of making stuff up about something as boring as this?

Read the opening post - I had a carry on bag, stuff on the dressing table and clothes on the chair, there was no 'mess'.

Yes, Kamala voter is the wrong terminology then - I guess no one is yet a Kamala voter as no one has cast a vote yet. So she's a Kamala supporter. I stand corrected.

As to the rest of your stirring up anti American sentiment stuff, words fail me. It's a thread about something very dull that you really shouldn't have allowed to upset you so much.

OP posts:
TheDeepEagle · 06/10/2024 18:24

And how did the room become “messy”, at least messy enough for her to comment on it, if you were only there for a long weekend?

This story has more holes than a Swiss cheese.

Are you just bored, OP, and decided to stir up a bit of anti-American froth (easily done on this site, by the way)?

TheDeepEagle · 06/10/2024 18:21

bluebirdholiday · 05/10/2024 23:09

Thank you, I did clarify in a later post that this is Boston.

My friend is also of English heritage. She has English parents, just like me. She spent some time in the US when younger as a result of her parent marrying a US citizen, hence having a green card to live there now.

Show quote history

Well if she’s an LPR (green card holder) she won’t be voting for anyone. You said she’s a “Kamala voter” (despite the fact that no one actually voted for Kamala - she was nominated by the party). Only citizens can vote here.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 06/10/2024 14:34

I mean it's different if you're sleeping in someone's home office that doubles as a guest room, or if their house is on the market for viewings, or it's a heritage house with visitor tours. In any of these cases people might need specific and limited access to a guest room. If I were staying as a wedding guest, I'd probably have strewn the room with clean clothes while changing my mind about outfits, but tidied up just before leaving.

StrawberrySquash · 06/10/2024 14:33

I think guest rooms occupy a sort of in between place; less private than the host's bedroom, but still more the guest's than any other room in the house. In this case pretty private, given the setup. But you are still a guest in their house. And even in an official guest room the host may want to pop in for something that's stored in a cupboard. But yes, I leave my stuff all over the room when I'm a guest.

Also I absolutely offer up the house tour! Maybe I'm just in the stage of life where it's still an exciting thing that I have my own flat.

Cherrysoup · 06/10/2024 14:06

The guest room is off limits to anyone but the guest in my house. I don’t go in there and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to go in there. Certainly wouldn’t whinge about it, I expect them to close the door (if they want) and be allowed privacy.

Original poster
bluebirdholiday · 06/10/2024 14:05

SALaw · 06/10/2024 14:03

Did the visitors go into your room and, if so, why?

I'm not sure, I didn't go down there while the guests were there after what she'd said.

OP posts:
SALaw · 06/10/2024 14:03

Did the visitors go into your room and, if so, why?

Original poster
bluebirdholiday · 06/10/2024 13:58

I actually hosted her at my house years ago when I got married and managed to not insult her into the process by the way.

OP posts:
LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 06/10/2024 13:57

pikkumyy77 · 06/10/2024 13:30

No good deed goes unpunished, it seems. OP stayed with her friend for two days during her wedding week in a busy city. the friend was presumably flooded with other guests, friends, visitors, etc..in her house some of whom may have wandered around and into the back bedroom or she may have needed it back during the day to act as overflow space and not realized OP would treat it as a tip. She got upset and was rude to OP or at any rate made OP self conscious about her knicker creep and the poor friend gets slagged off on mumsnet and the whole country held up for contumely.

Good thing no one from the Boston area reads mumsnet! Except me, I suppose.

Friend could have said no if not convenient

Original poster
bluebirdholiday · 06/10/2024 13:54

pikkumyy77 · 06/10/2024 13:51

Not much of a sense of humour, OP? I suppose the boot pinches when its on the other foot.

Edited

You weren't being funny, you were being weirdly aggressive.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 06/10/2024 13:51

Not much of a sense of humour, OP? I suppose the boot pinches when its on the other foot.

Original poster
bluebirdholiday · 06/10/2024 13:46

pikkumyy77 · 06/10/2024 13:30

No good deed goes unpunished, it seems. OP stayed with her friend for two days during her wedding week in a busy city. the friend was presumably flooded with other guests, friends, visitors, etc..in her house some of whom may have wandered around and into the back bedroom or she may have needed it back during the day to act as overflow space and not realized OP would treat it as a tip. She got upset and was rude to OP or at any rate made OP self conscious about her knicker creep and the poor friend gets slagged off on mumsnet and the whole country held up for contumely.

Good thing no one from the Boston area reads mumsnet! Except me, I suppose.

At what point was she 'punished'? I didn't do anything other than put my things away.

There were no knickers, seems a bit weird you've sat there and fantasised a story about a stranger's underwear but you get all sorts on here I guess.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 06/10/2024 13:30

No good deed goes unpunished, it seems. OP stayed with her friend for two days during her wedding week in a busy city. the friend was presumably flooded with other guests, friends, visitors, etc..in her house some of whom may have wandered around and into the back bedroom or she may have needed it back during the day to act as overflow space and not realized OP would treat it as a tip. She got upset and was rude to OP or at any rate made OP self conscious about her knicker creep and the poor friend gets slagged off on mumsnet and the whole country held up for contumely.

Good thing no one from the Boston area reads mumsnet! Except me, I suppose.

Earlystartsmakemegrumpy · 06/10/2024 13:09

I've never really got the bedrooms being private thing tbh. I mean, I'd probably hide the giant strap on and DH's gimp mask, but other than that - come on in!

Ilovelifeveryverymuch · 06/10/2024 13:02

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 06/10/2024 12:09

Does she generally leave you with a happy feeling? Then it's worth a chat. If she is more a friend out of long habit, I'd re-evaluate how mutual it really was.

(I have no idea what guests do in their room when staying with me. Very few have broken anything.)

Toopies · 06/10/2024 11:07

She sounds like a rude arsehole.
Very strange behaviour to tolerate from a friend.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 06/10/2024 11:05

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/10/2024 23:31

A friend in the US had to put some stuff out to dry in the garden as their 3 kids had noro and she simply couldnt get it dry in the tumble dryer quick enough. It was the height of summer in Texas. Her NDN reported her to the HOA because drying washing outside was against their rule and SHOCK HORROR!!!!! her son and husband saw her underwear!

Friend had inherited her house from her grandparents and much to the NDN's annoyance, she wasnt part of the HOA as her house predated theirs by decades so she just ignored it all but was slagged off to all and sundry by the NDN.

I have seen this posted about on MN too, but according to my friend the very conservative viewpoint of things that like this is very very prevelant in the US.

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I would create bunting out of crotchless knickers &period pants and festoon every window inside the house.

People are fucking weird. What on earth is offensive about undies, we all wear them.

Simplelobsterhat · 06/10/2024 11:03

bluebirdholiday · 06/10/2024 10:38

I wasn't there for a week, it was two nights why have you assumed it was a week? Very nice of her to put me up, though, I agree.

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Sorry I don't know where I got week from, I'm thought I read it somewhere, but obviously not.

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