Husband not letting me txt friends partner

Your husband is controlling and jealous. Totally irrational. I would not stay with someone who treated me like this. Of course it's fine to text your friend's partner!

You fell asleep when you were both meant to be having some 'alone time' in bed. He was 'off' with you all day, you barely heard from him and when he came home he picked a fight with you over food. Kicked you out the kitchen (metaphorically) and you didn't eat that night as he 'wouldn't let you back into the kitchen'. The silent treatment and picking a fight over food, was his way of punishing you for falling asleep, and not giving him sex. He wants you upset and begging him, it makes him feel big and powerful. You sent a text message to another man, and put a X at the end of the text. He didn't like that, you are his, and you've disrespected him by sending a message to this man. He knows perfectly well, the text message is innocent and the kiss at the end means nothing, but again making you upset is your punishment and the fact you beg, makes him feel big and powerful. Your husband is being abusive. You need help from Woman's Aid. His behaviour is not normal and is very unhealthy.

This.

It's easy to look in from a non-abusive relationship and think OP is overreacting etc, but this is the result of the mind-fuck that abusers do.

I hope you're able to find the strength to leave OP. You deserve so much better than this.

Why on earth would you want to stay with a man who treats you like this? Serious question.

Yep. What that poster said. He’s a controlling abusive cunt. He LOVES how devastated you are.

I doubt you'll leave him, but you'd be best to do that if a disagreement over a text message can lead to this reaction. It's not normal for a relationship to be like this. And crying & shaking in your daughters bed isn't the right thing to do, she will feel scared. Your poor kids.

Do you work, do you go to the pub, gymn, work social events, anywhere that would involve you talking to men, trying to work out how controlling he is, if he gets awkward when you want to do any of these things without him then it's a red flag.

Do you need somebody to advice who you should be texting. Tell him to piss off!

Are you scared of him? If my husband got annoyed with me for sending the same messages you sent, my reaction would be something along the lines of, "Don't be ridiculous," followed by, "I'm not discussing this anymore." If he tried to drag it on any longer. It's weird that it's gone on for 2 hours and left you in bed sobbing and shaking.

Are your children witnessing this?

This.

Go to any police station and ask for help for yourself and your children.

Crikey, your husband sounds like a guy I dated (and stupidly moved in with) in my early 20's. Hideous abusive relationship. His behaviour is disgusting. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells and left feeling like that. He knows exactly what he's doing and wants to keep you in line. Be wary. x

i just dont understand how he can listen to me cry for hours and not care -possible adhd so maybe lacks empathy?????

You said you are in your daughter’s bed. Is she there too? If he can hear you from another room you must be keeping her awake. Calm down, drink some water and go to bed.

Unless you think he might physically assault you.

I agree with PP your reaction seems a bit extreme. Is that because this is the latest incident in a history of abuse and your fear has been building? Or is your reaction shock as he’s never treated you this way before?

If it is the former, call Women’s Aid tomorrow and get you and your children away from him as soon as possible.

If it’s new behaviour then talk to him when you are both calm and explain how you feel and that it is unacceptable to tell you who you can and can’t text.

Is it possible he has noticed that the friend you texted is attracted to you and you haven’t? That would not be an excuse for your DHs behaviour but it might explain his ridiculous insecurity. Something else that is unacceptable.

Two hours of shouting and a night of sulking over an innocuous text.

A day of sulking and denying you food because you were too tired for sex.

OP, this is abuse.

When you can do so safely, you need to contact Women's Aid and the police.

This is a crime.

His behaviour is extreme, and it will get even worse.

You are already damaged, if it carries on you will be broken. If it carries on it will also break your children. If you can't act for yourself, act for them.

Your husband is an asshole and with the best will in the world, you need to toughen up.
Tell him he’s being unnecessarily paranoid and really quite childish which is something you’re not prepared to tolerate. I
’d be seriously reconsidering this relationship if I were you, because you hit the nail on the head in your first post.. he IS dictating to you and being a controlling partner is about as far from attractive as you can get! Good luck.

I do think leave the kisses out of texts as it's can come across a bit too much to SOME people. But if you both are very close and you want to find out about your friends party I don't see why messaging him is an issue, especially as it's a surprise party you can't exactly ask her!

You need to stop reacting. Tell him you will txt friends husband regarding party planning and that's the end of it. If he rants let him rant just don't involve yourself. You are not responsible for his moods.

If he's annoyed you didn't cook dinner, apologise and say you ran out of time. If he demands you leave the kitchen either say that's fine you were leaving anyway or say I'm doing x and y then I'll be leaving to do z. Feel free to cook while I'm here.

All the people calling OP"s reactions silly or an overreaction. Stop being so ignorant and/or nasty. She is being emotionally abused by her husband. It is extremely obvious and is also obvious this is far from the first time. HE has pushed her to this and has done so with malicious intent. He wanted her in this state and went at it until she reached it. You are assisting her abuser by mentally undemining her. If she had refused to cry, he would have upped the ante until she did. Because this type of abuser always does. Tell them to "fuck off you....whatever" on top, as has been suggested by some, is an excellent way to turn an emotional abuser violent. Are some that thick or are they just sick.

OP. Get help and soon.
It sounds like you are so far gone that you've lost who you were before he shaped you into what you are now. A ball of emotions who no longer knows which way is up. It probably isn't constant, so you think it's ok, that you are overreacting or imagining things but the truth is you are not. His behaviour is how you ended up at this place and you know what's the worst part? He fucking well knows he is doing it. It's how it is. He is nice. He sees you breathe a silent of relief and bang, off he goes with the next incident. The next incident where he picks a random innocent thing to go at you over until you cry. It keeps you on your toes. Keeps him in control. This is the "walking on eggshells" part because deep down you know it's coming and you're trying everything to avoid it. You can't avoid it. You can never be good enough. Because he wants it. He wants the chance to turn your brain inside out with nonsensical arguments and accusations.
He is always on the look out for tiny things to use as an excuse to kick off. That's how he gets the control he craves.

Google "DARVO". Read it. When you are reading it, be honest with yourself. Don't minimise.
Then find an online copy of "Why Does He Do That?" By Lundy Bancroft. Google it and hit the internet archive link to download it for free as a pdf.

Don't keep ignoring it after it all calms down. It will never stop. It will never lessen. He will never mellow. Only you can stop it. Be secretive. Be careful.

Just came on here to say; the OP's reaction isn't an over reaction & she isn't just 'being silly'; when someone emotionally abuses you time and time again incidents like the one explained become extremely triggering. The crying, shaking & wanting to jump off a bridge are all a natural reaction to a prolonged cycle & experience of emotional abuse and manipulation by the perpetrator (her husband).

The 2 hour argument they had over two kisses at the end of a message just proves that the husband is unpredictable in his moods, the OP must be constantly walking on egg shells.

OP - How much longer can you live like this? This is not a loving marriage, he is a nasty awful abusive bully who is most likely texting other women. Please make plans to leave, for your children if anything. Xx

And if the other bloke got the wrong idea because of xxxs (which 90% of people sprinkle everywhere, so what? You're not going to shag him, he's not going to shag you.

Your partner is worried you'll look like you aren't his possession. What an arsehole. But you need to lose sad and find anger, "how dare you? I have never cheated and wouldn't and you know it. Stop being a dick".

What gets me is the trying to make you feel guilty, saying you’ve hurt him - because you asked a friend’s husband if he was organising a party. The absolute piece of shit. This is so manipulative. Anyone can say “oh you’ve hurt me too” but if it’s because of something ridiculous and banal, they are choosing it. He might as well say he’s hurt because you said good morning to the postman.@

Unless he rethinks his attitude in a massive way you need to tell him he's an arsehole. A friendly correspondence to arrange your best friends party, with a couple of kisses at the end.
Fucking hell. He needs to get a life. You don't deserve someone controlling and paranoid like that. I'd say sayonara personally.

Your husband sounds a total bell end and you sound extremely dramatic so not a good mix. You really should of handled this very differently when he started kicking off with you , you know deep down you e done nothing wrong and you shouldn't be explaining yourself to him

Really think this is just the tip of the iceberg with your reaction. He has got you so you don’t know if you’re coming or going. You need to realise this is not a healthy power dymanic. Contact women’s aid this would be classed emotional abuse. Him kicking you out of the kitchen, the thing is you did it. Just be aware financially you have eyes on your finances, just be prepared if this behaviour is new or just got worse might be things happening in the background. Stop being this passive women start sticking up for yourself.

Your husband is an insecure controlling twat. There is more than one man in my life who I am not related to and I text regularly. My husband gives no shits about it because he trusts me.

He's a controlling abusive arsehole. 4 kids and he's kicking off that his dinner isn't ready when he gets home and then bans you from the kitchen

Fuck him he's not worth being with