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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't stop thinking about him

134 replies

80schild1 · 05/10/2024 21:28

Married for 20 years to dh. Recently met a (single) guy at ds's sports club, we get on well. He knows I'm married. I like him, a lot! Like I can't stop thinking about him, fantasising, pleasuring over him to the point where I dont want to be intimate with dh as I know I will just be thinking about him. I keep hoping this feeling will pass, it's been 2 months now though.
I guess my aibu question is.. is this really wrong of me? I don't want to feel this way but I can't stop thinking about him.. He's asked if we want to have a play date away from sports club and I know it's a bad idea but I really want to.

OP posts:
FupaTrooper · 05/10/2024 22:04

The issue is as women we tend to fall in love/lust with a fantasy. You are pleasuring yourself, daydreaming of him. Your brain is not only making up stories about a man that isn't actually real, you are rewarding it with dopamine.

My advice, either go on the play date and make a conscious effort to realise you are acting like a teenager. Look for and acknowledge his flaws and faults and consider why you've felt this need and what you need to work on in your own marriage.

Or pull your son out of the hobby or get your DH to take him.

Carrying on the way you are is going to make you lovesick over a man who is probably incredibly average, an arse and if he does try to pursue you as a married woman, you know he has no morals and is a bad person (as you would also be).

Purpleshrike · 05/10/2024 22:00

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Blessedbunny · 05/10/2024 21:59

@80schild1 can your husband always take your son? Or even better, stop the club. Find another.

’They do get on so well together so I wasn't really thinking his playdate invite was anything more than that?’

Of course you were. You both were. You’ve got everything to lose. He’s got nothing to lose.

Didimum · 05/10/2024 21:57

80schild1 · 05/10/2024 21:52

Ds is 4, same as his ds. They do get on so well together so I wasn't really thinking his playdate invite was anything more than that?
I'm physically attracted to him so much more than dh.
I want to stop this feeling and think the only way is to stop ds going this club but that's not fair on him?

Your DS is 4. He will very quickly get over a sports club.

Didimum · 05/10/2024 21:56

So stop it, OP. Distract yourself every time he pops into your head, change sports clubs, no play dates, stop using him as wank fodder. You are making all these choices and continue to indulge. So stop it.

Your poor DH.

Original poster
80schild1 · 05/10/2024 21:52

Ds is 4, same as his ds. They do get on so well together so I wasn't really thinking his playdate invite was anything more than that?
I'm physically attracted to him so much more than dh.
I want to stop this feeling and think the only way is to stop ds going this club but that's not fair on him?

OP posts:
Blessedbunny · 05/10/2024 21:36

If thinking about your marriage isn’t enough, think about your son. How old is your son? Why is the other guy at the club - is he with his child?

Huntcole · 05/10/2024 21:31

Well he's single so he's going to keep badgering you. You know the difference between right and wrong. Whats a play date? A quick shag?

RoundAgain · 05/10/2024 21:31

This is a terrible idea. You need to protect your marriage.

The thing to do is to work out what you are getting from this new guy and find a way to get that safely in your own married life.