Can't stop thinking about him

Just imagine him sitting on the toilet

As a PP said, he’s a shit for pursuing a married woman. You have told him you’re married, right?

Being a single father might also be because he’s a shit. If he’s given you a sob story about that, you can’t take his word for it because you barely know him and because he’s the sort of bloke who pursues married women, so probably ok with lying.

He might look nice. The attention might be nice but if you’re contemplating cheating and blowing your family apart, find someone better to do it with. Or just don’t.

Start having sex with your husband, it doesn't matter for now if you are thinking about him. You need to talk through what your DH did and you need to get romantically back on track. Stop fantasising and think about what life as a lone parent will be like. What family and friends will think of you after you've cheated. Imagine your DS going through the difficult teen years and screaming at you to STFU because you shagged someone behind his dad's back and changed his life (I know someone this happened to). People's memories are long. Have you made Christmas plans? Four is a lovely age, book stuff to do all together.

I was in a similar position. I carried on entertaining the thoughts, and although I never slept with the man, my marriage fell apart. Now, I’m completely on my own, in a difficult financial situation, only see my kids half the time, and filled with crippling regrets that I didn’t put a lid on it at the start. Worst of all, my poor kids got really badly affected. Please please stop seeing him!! The crush will pass.

Oh come on op. You’ve got a 4 yr old. Do you really want to blow up his life for a seedy shag? The “play date” is a fucking terrible idea.
If you are feeling resentment towards your dh then I suggest you get some couples counselling. Try to work through it and if you can’t, then separate amicably. Do not have a sordid affair with some bloke you don’t know to make yourself feel better, because in the end? It will just make you feel worse.

Have there been issues in your marriage leading up to this? Wondering if you feel you're missing something with your husband which has caused your head to turn?
Could you talk to your husband about it?

yes - I read a really interesting post in here saying often a crush is more about feeling that the person sees you as you want to be seen - and we kind of tune in to that, and it is very seductive to our self esteem. So it’s actually about self-esteem and control over how our identities are perceived, not really that the object of the crush is particularly great themselves! I found that really useful.

It’ll pass. In another couple of months you’ll feel embarrassed about it. The play date is a terrible idea at this stage.

Crushes can be really overwhelming Op, I get it. I’ve got adhd, and they tend to be worse for us! I become all consumed by them, convince myself of all sorts, conjure up different fictitious scenarios with them. I’ve also always managed to pull myself out of them, and never over stepped the mark with DH. I recommend just not seeing him, I know it’s hard, and time will pass and you will just forget about him.

Incidentally, has the gym guy ever actually made any kind of move or let you know he’s interested? He may feel mortified you feel this way and for him it’s just 2 parents hanging out for their kids. Try focusing on that too. What made one of mine worse, was I knew he was interested, that fuelled it a bit.

Just re read this, it's such a good post. There probably are underlying issues with your DH if you're feeling like this, but separate them out from this man who you don't actually know.

I mean I probably wouldn’t be open with your DH that you’re avoiding sex with him cos of this guy! But maybe work on your intimacy - tell him things you want to do. Think about things you like about him. Get back in the mood with him.

I’ve had similar experiences. It is totally normal to occasionally meet someone you feel a connection with. And fantasy can be fun - it doesn’t make you a terrible person! However, it is just that - fantasy - but potential damage is real.
I’ve been open with DH about crushes in the past (he has been too) and as we’ve managed to not be hideously jealous, and neither of us has ever acted on anything, it’s kind of brought us closer. Have you seen the episode of Motherland where Julia gets a crush on her builder?!
things that helped me are, absolutely prioritising your kids feelings, reconnecting with your sense of your adult (not teenage!) self - and working on your sex life with your husband.
Just say no to the play date - do it now - it is not an option.

Agreed. Poor children of unfaithful parents - life forever damaged because the grown ups who brought them into the world didn’t put them first.

*not saying all parents have to stay together despite anything (obviously) - but in cases like this, where it’s a childish crush and lives would be ruined. For what.

It’s a crush, lust and it’ll pass. Don’t be stupid. Your DC’s whole world is you and your DH. Protect your marriage at all costs.

Limerance…it will pass

Forget it

I've had a couple of crushes since being married but I've absolutely known that I'd never cheat on DH because I'm very much still in love with him, know that he loves me, and we have a great relationship. He's also my best friend. I think the men I've "fallen" for could easily have ended as my husband if I had been single and of course I flatter myself that they felt the same. We meet many people we connect with and are attracted to, nobody would ever meet a partner otherwise.

Having a crush is totally normal IMO, just ignore and carry on. My experience was that I quickly refocused and began to see the crush as just any other male friend or colleague. I don't think you'll even need to stop DS hobby. How about you accept the play date but take DH along or get DH to take DS solo?

@80schild1 I'm in the same situation with a man who could have written this.

It's just a crush. Keep it yourself and it will go in time.

Try and channel the energy and effort into marriage - you'll be surprised to find it becomes reciprocal.

If none of this happens you have to consider the future of your marriage carefully.

Much better as a fantasy!

He farts you know 😉

It's normal to bump into someone you really fancy, but as pp said you have to fight for your marriage, you have DS to think of.

Fantasies are fine and normal, taboo but normal, write a few bits of erotica if it helps!