Can't stop thinking about him

I fully agree with others tho that this other guy is only great because he's forbidden fruit. He is very very likely not to be as nice as your DH and not worth it at all.

@80schild1 I often replay imaginary conversation I SHOULD have had with ex DH, probably not healthy doing so, but I try to think what I could have said, before I actually crossed the line and had the affair (which was like a horrible kind of Hogwarts style death portal feeling, like a doom laden door that I had gone through and could never go back in), and I think I wish I would have said something like, 'I love you and I want our marriage to work, and I'm feeling a bit crazy and hormonal and feeling like I could get a crush on someone. But I would like to focus on you and our marriage and making it really great.'

For me, the physical attraction fell away because I was angry at him for working too much, leaving me with too many burdens plus my work, so my anger at that made me not feel like being intimate. and didn't feel noticed at all, just taken for granted. Suddenly you realise you're actually still attractive and that many men find you so, and then it's like crack cocaine!

For us, some form of honest counselling and more date nights etc, not prioritising work and kids to the point that our relationship was always left out, might have avoided catastrophe. I mean even better being honest that you've had a crush than later down the line hiding an actual infidelity.

He's shown you some attention and if you don't get any - it's addictive. It's lovely when you're centre of attention. I'd enjoy it but make sure you don't cross the line and do anything physical. People have affairs because something is missing. I'd go and see a counsellor I think - chances are you have a lot to lose in your marriage so tread carefully and make sure you're in control of your decisions. Don't feel guilty for fancying him. It is normal. Be in control though.

How's your DH op? Anything missing in your marriage?

That would be reasonable. Good luck x

Tell your husband that the man at the club is making you feel uncomfortable. I’m sure he’ll be fine with that reason for leaving!!

It’s limerence/a crush. Avoid him like the plague and when you think of him imagine him on the toilet. You’ll soon be over him.

Then go the sports club, talk to someone else and don't fuck the man. It's really simple.

I have 30+ years of marriage during which I have been attracted to other people and not kissed, fucked or shared intimacies with any of them. It's very easy not to. You are completely in control of your actions, you are married and you have a family.

As someone who was unhappy in their marriage and started having an affair for 4 years, in the end leading DH to start his own affair as it was clear I had emotionally checked out, and then breaking up our family, I can genuinely advise to you cut contact with this man completely and have a really really good think about your marriage, get therapy if needed. Something happened to me late 30s where my hormones exploded and I just went mad and started an affair. I think a lot of women go through this around that age, where the kids are a little bit older and you have this feeling of sexual prime, but usually the marriage is a bit worn around the ages. I deeply regret my choices and would urge you to try to improve your marriage if possible.

Well done. If you want to do that, stop going to the club. Just stop it.

Good that you posted here and didn't do anything a bit silly that then would have been hard to undo. Crushes and fantasies happen, especially if you are either stressed yourself or struggling in your relationship. My experience is it is usually a sign something's not quite right within yourself, although not always. Just don't act on it, don't say anything to your husband, and treat yourself kindly, fantasising about someone else is not the worst thing you can do, it will fade, although it may take a while. In 5 years you will look back and thing, why him?

Agreed

I think you're dangerously close to a version of 'the script' forming in your head.

(The Script, for those who don't know, is MN terminology for how (usually) men subtly rewrite history to make reasons for why they're cheated on their wives. How things haven't been right for ages and how they've struggled ... when in fact it's all a way to allow themselves mentally to quite quickly go cold enough towards their wife to cheat)

So anyway - recognise that you may be using the disappointment of the drink driving to some extent. Not totally - of course you're upset with him. But be aware that it sounds like there's an element of this scripyness going on here. It won't help you OP. It's not your friend. Your choices towards this bloke are a separate thing to your husbands choices to drink and drive.

Yes. He’s probably got a scattergun approach.

Of course not, but a single father putting the moves on a married woman with children does make one wonder if it's not the first time.

Being a single father might also be because he’s a shit.

Gosh do people really think this of single parents?

If he found out I'm fairly certain he would be thinking about leaving me.

Well, he's not going to find out unless you tell him you've been wanking over the hot dad from the sports club.

It's a crush. Crushes happen. They happen in your head. Keep them there and they go.

The poster above who asked you to fast forward your fantasy to the morning after, or the nudges at the sports club, or when your husband finds out, or when you have to tell your mum and your kids and your friends that you've broken up your family, has it right.

Grow up a bit. Take responsibility.

No that is rubbish. You are just flattered by this man. He makes you feel good. It’s a tale as old as time.

The only factor influencing the situation is whether you act on it or not. That is up to you - your character.

I wouldn't tell your husband about this.

Husbands brother is also an AH for getting into the car and allowing husband to drive. I can understand why you're so angry about it. I would sit husband down and tell him this will be the last time it's going to be brought up but you need to get it all the residual anger off your chest. Tell him how it made you feel, how devastated you would have been if there was an accident, that for the forseeable you would rather you drove him to the pub and he ubered back to put your mind at ease. The ball is in his court for the reply.

The more you have built it up in your head the more you want this man. You still have another 4-8 weeks of seeing this man do you honestly think its in your and your husbands best interests if you continue to take your child to this hobby ? Is there any way that husband can take your child instead? If not sit away from this man, read a book, make a call, sit in your car. Honestly a man that will cheat with you will cheat on you. He has no morals, he's single and can do what ever he likes your marriage blowing up wont affect him in the slightest.

Make time to spend with your husband, go on a date night, do something you both enjoy at home, re connect with each other.