Can't stop thinking about him

@80schild1 How are things now op did you move on and manage to forget this man?
I was in a very similar situation and unfortunately took things further and acted on my feelings for the guy and had a short fling. I wasn't married but was in a long term very stale relationship. Our fling was discovered and it caused a huge amount of damage to everyone's lives.
I totally regret what I did, it was a complete moment of madness and no man had ever made me feel like he did, the attraction was so intense like id never experienced before. I was mid 40s at the time and he did make me feel like a teenager. It's no excuse but I do think peri meno played a huge part in the such intense sexual attraction i had towards him.

@80schild1 sorry for pre judging earlier, my partner also came in drunk and had drove. Home recently and I too, am still fuming. I know it makes you see people in a different light as it's like where's the respect?

Disgusting was harsh and my apologies for that. X

You are talking like you have no choice over this . You may not be able to choose not to find him very attractive but you can choose not to act on it . You have no reason to remove your child from their activity or to tell your husband about this as nothing has actually happened, but you probably do need to address the issues with your DH ( and drinking driving would be huge for me ) and if you want to stay together then work on these .

Actually if it's limerance then it is best not to see the person.

After wanking over him? She should spare her poor husband the embarrassment

OP you haven’t answered mine and other posters questions about why you can’t drop your son and sit in the car for 40mins? Or sit with the other parents instead of sitting with this guy?

Hi OP, just wanted to add that sometimes the fantasy is like a drug we use to avoid dealing with reality. You have a difficult situation to deal with your DH and you've been fantasising about this man as an escape. It's just like drinking or taking drugs to escape dealing with real life and to block out the pain. In your fantasy you can forget this big issue with your DH. It's very addictive, just like substances are. Unfortunately you've 'used' so much it's now really impacting your actual life.

Realise that this is a kind of addiction and escapism from real life. You need to be brave and deal with real life in order to stop this fantasising which is just going to be very destructive. The result of living out your fantasies so be huge amounts of pain which you will not be able to block out with a bit of fantasising.

I like to read when women are 'sticking together,' but I dread thinking about what would have been said if this was a man talking this way- or if you'd come here looking for advice after your husband said all this to you.

Being attracted to someone is normal, wanking over them while not having sex with your partner is borderline. A harmless, flirty comment is okay; who doesn't like to think they are still attractive to the opposite/same sex? But not stopping it after much more than that, again, borderline.

As for a guy chasing/flirting with a married woman, he's only in it for the chase, to prove to himself that he can still turn heads, even of married women. Heck, you may even be an easier target being married, especially as it sounds like he knows you're pretty much ready to shag him. Sorry if that's a little harsh.

As for posting here, it sounds more like you're looking for justification to shag this guy than being talked out of it. But don't blame your husband for driving back drunk as a reason you think this is okay.

I think if you admit you have feelings you'll find that they will disappear. You have the right to feel desired in your relationship. All I say is try to be in control of your emotions

You're making this into a far bigger deal than it needs to be. It isn't a choice between shagging this man or 'cutting all contact'. Keep going to the sports activity while it's being paid for, drop off your DS and pick him up at the end. If that's not possible, go and sit with someone else and talk to them instead. If he brings up the playdate again, invite him out with you, DH and DS - 'great idea, DH and I are taking DS to ....this weekend, why don't you and your DS come along?' You certainly don't need to be having any conversations about why you can't trust yourself around him - you absolutely know where that would lead, be honest with yourself.

not true, people sometimes have affairs because they can and they want too.

Did you look up limerance OP.

She's disgusting and sounds pathetic talking about nights out and seeing him etc I'd call her what she really is but I'd get banned

Being selfish isn't a good trait and you shouldn't feel guilty that you're looking for attention elsewhere. It says a lot about your marriage. Just be very careful and make sure you are in control of your emotions when you make a decision to take things further.

@80schild1

I could have slept with him by now, I'm pretty sure of it.

• How do you know this? Imagine if a man said this about a woman, a mum he chats to once a week at their child's activity?

This.

If you're knocking your DH back sounds like you usually have an active sex life. I agree with others, after all this time its totally normal to get the odd lusty crush, and best thing to do its try to reconnect with DH using that energy, and try to sort any underlying issues there.
This happened to me, I felt like you, didn't act on it, got over it, felt silly later. Didn't tell DP about it, he couldn't have handled it.
I wouldn't want to hear about it if it was other way around. I'm so glad nothing happened now.