I met my fiancé in 2019. He has one child with his ex wife. He told me from the beginning that his ex wife was unhinged, but I put it down to him using the phrase flippantly, and assumed he had probably done some wrongdoings in their marriage. His friends and family also used to mention how insane she is. I genuinely didn’t take much notice, as how many times as women have we been told about the ‘crazy ex’?
For the first year of dating, everything was fine. However, any time something big happens in our relationship (or any time to be honest) his ex does something nuts.
It first started in March 2020, when my partner and I decided to move in together as we didn’t want to spend lockdown alone. My fiancés ex sent him a huge rambling email, probably over 2000 words long, accusing him of being unsafe, killing vulnerable people, that we were terrible for breaking lockdown rules. We didn’t do anything to break the rules, other than combine our households. My fiancé obviously couldn’t see his child at this time due to Covid restrictions. Throughout lockdown, we had visits from the police who had been told we were having parties and flouting lockdown rules. We can’t be sure it was his ex wife, but we are pretty certain due to her earlier email, the fact it was all lies and nobody else would have any motivation.
In 2022 my fiance proposed to me, and the day after the proposal, she turned up at our door with my stepson and said that he was living with us from now on. No explanation, just turned up on the doorstep with his bags. This caused huge issues as we had to change our entire lives around to do the school run some half an hour away, take him to all his clubs, his friends houses. We both work full time and didn’t plan for this. Before this, my stepson had been over every weekend, so it was a massive lifestyle change. Eventually, his ex wife agreed that stepson could come and live with her again, and it’s been a 50% arrangement ever since.
In 2023, I got a promotion at work. I’m not sure how she found out (maybe LinkedIn, is all I can think?) but a couple of weeks later we had a fraudulent claim made against us via the CMS. She claimed that we never had stepson overnight and we became liable for massive payments which took months and a court order to eventually sort out. In the meantime, we were down thousands and have no way to get the money back, even though it was clear fraud.
Yesterday I announced my pregnancy, and today she has sent my fiancé a long email saying she is going to be reporting us to stepsons school and social services as she doesn’t think we are fit parents, this is despite her up until this point being happy for us to have stepson 50% of the time. We are good people, stepson loves his time here, this is just another attempt to disrupt our lives.
These are all the big things, intermingled in all of this is lots of crazy phone calls, texts, emails. I’m at my wits end. It’s causing huge arguments between me and my fiancé and I’ve reached the point of just wanting to leave and go it alone. I can’t cope with the near constant disruption and living on edge not knowing what she’s going to do next. I feel idiotic as I was warned from the beginning that she was crazy, but it wasn’t until we made major life decisions that she really became a massive disruptor in our lives.