Partner’s crazy ex wife.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I lost so much weight I was painfully thin and would feel sick when a notification tone went off on my phone (the years before people switched to vibrate!) so would regularly change it.

I just feel really sorry for the step son 😔

I'm sorry the thread has gone this way and OP has left.
Yes men quite often use the 'my crazy ex' line when it's in fact they who are the problem.
But there are really some nuts women out there too.
I had to get a restraining order out on my DHs ex. She was completely unhinged. They were only together just under a year and never even lived together yet she harassed me and him for 3 bloody years.
I wasn't even 'the other woman' and she knows I wasn't. There was no other woman.
He left her because she did shit like ring all his female friends and family members up and scream at them. Followed him to work and to his uni course to check he was where he said he was. She destroyed one of his uni projects by pouring ink all over it because she was jealous of the attention he paid it!! And she gave him a black eye because she thought he was flirting witha waitress in a cafe they went to.
And she'd just text him constant abuse, like constant.
When we got together she started sending me constant abuse.. she had several phones and hundreds of social media accounts and email addresses, so you'd block one andanother would start. She even messaged my family members and several of my friends and two of my ex partners! She even sent handwritten letters to our address! When I fell pregnant she sent me a whole slow of messages saying the baby was going to be mentally ill. Absolutely disgusting.
When i finally contacted the police they took it seriously and it wasn't hard to get a restraining order. Which did work, we never heard from her again. It's been 10 years now so I think it's finally over.

So when man says he has a crazy ex I know most of the time he's a twat.. but every now and again he's actually telling the truth.

Do you not believe that some women can behave appallingly?

I'm not condoning it.
I'm saying it's better to have to deal with a crazy ex, than to have to deal with a man who behaves badly and then says the ex is crazy.

Which is what the OP believed. She explains that in her very first paragraph. If he was the type that would behave badly and then make out the ex is unhinged then he'd be doing the same to her right not.

Hang on...are you condoning the behaviour of the ex? I don't understand your comment. What is it you think the OP 'believed'? OP has witnessed the behaviour.

Confirmation from HIS friends and family, yes because he’s told them she’s crazy.
Good luck having a child with him OP

Horrendous? Behave. Some of the dramatics on here are outrageous.

OP there's no point posting as a step-mum on Mumsnet these days. It doesn't matter the facts. Every single thread started by a step-mum goes the same way. If you hadn't given them the nugget about covid, they would have found another angle to berate you from.

Friends ex was a seesaw depending on how much she had drunk that day. It was awful for the four children, who eventually abandoned her as adults.

It's Saturday night 🙄

Report all her behaviour to the police so it’s on record. To the individual who said he chose her over his own child and it “was only one email”, if they decided to live together, they were now part of each others “bubble” and it shouldn’t have stopped the son coming to their home. She’s unhinged and stalkerish, and causes issues when something big happens. The problem if she reports you to social services is that they will investigate, they always do, and it’s stressful, she knows this and she knows the worries you will experience over that, being pregnant. Please don’t ditch your partner as this is not his wrongdoing. If I were you I’d start with making your social media private, how does she know everything that’s going on in your life, is it through her son, or have you not privatised your info? Just get everything down on record so nothing she says will stick.

Better to deal with an actual crazy ex than what you thought you were getting into, a relationship with a man who behaved badly and then made out his ex was unhinged.

It's bizarre that you believed that but then got into a relationship with him anyway.

Nobody in that situation that I knew stepped back and didn't see their child. I call bullshit.

@UpsetGirlx I also dealt with a very difficult ex for years and I'm afraid she won;t change. It's always he kids who suffer, but equally it is so stressful for the adults, especially when you did not choose this person to be involved in your life.

I hope you manage to make it work, bu you may need to consider if you can cope with this at least until he's 18

So sorry you’re going through this. Don’t let it ruin a good relationship with a man you want to spend your life with though. You will hopefully have 40-50 years together and a family ahead of you and you just need to get through the next few years until you can have a relationship with your stepson independent of his mother. Then anything she does like this you can report as harassment.

A man in my family experienced similar behaviour by his ex and mother of first child. It was horrific. Lies about child abuse, even getting thugs to do things to their house. And they’re genuinely just a normal middle class family with no drama in their lives. Him and his new partner have been together 25 years now and I think they would tell you it was worth it not letting that woman ruin what they have.

Also don’t know why people are super focused on the lockdown thing. Considering the poison the woman is likely saying to her son about your partner alongside the other lies / chaos it’s a testament to your partner as a father that he’s maintained a positive relationship with his child. I know from our family’s experience how difficult that is when one parent makes no secret of their hatred for the other.

Op this sounds an absolute nightmare. It is hard enough being a stepparent and dealing with an OH's ex (my DH's ex is not a difficult person at all, but I find dealing with her in any way annoying and it has caused arguments). I genuinely in your shoes would end things if your fiance cannot find a way to have her bullshit not affect you, or affect you as little as possible. She should not really feature in your life other than very occasionally at shared occasions with your stepchild. I have minimal interaction with my stepchild's mother, like if I once in a blue moon do drop off we are civil, at the stepchild's school christmas concert, birthday parties etc. Day to day that's my husband's stuff to deal with, and he keeps it about the child. If your fiance cannot do this, I don't see how you can even contemplate continuing. You don't need to be involved in this circus.

OP, I'm sorry for the influx of harpies you experienced here. This thread was certainly not the best of MN and I don't blame you for leaving.

On the off chance you read this, my advice is to have an honest talk with your fiance and tell him that tackling this issue head-on is necessary for you to remain in the relationship. He can't remove the mother of his child from his life entirely, but her behavior is harmful for your family and it's escalating not abating, so it's time to do more than just try to weather it. I don't care whether the ex was angry at him for a valid reason, a primary parent packing up a young child's belongings and dumping them on the doorstep suddenly with "he lives here now" is actually child abuse.

Your partner needs to find an attorney with family law expertise immediately and get their advice. Discuss speaking with the police or other legal action and working directly with social services to protect your family (stepson included).

I'm a stepmother and love that role, but blended families are complex at the best of times and I very much took into account the co-parenting relationship of my now DH and his ex when investing in and committing to the relationship. I was on particular alert for issues because my own mother was absolutely the crazy ex/mother and it was the source of major trauma.

Did you take in the fact that ex wasn't allowing her son to see his dad during Covid as she was visiting an elderly relative?

You could, that's what me and my ex did. We rotated every 2 weeks. I do understand her not wanted the child being exposed to anything if she was visiting an elderly relative though (I'm not on her side at all with anything else!)

I’m sorry that other posters have been so nasty. Horrible situation for you. Maybe just cut right back on any information you post on social media and I hope she backs right off.

This. She is jealous. Her ex has moved on with a new life and baby on the way. She is very bitter about how things have turned out. Were you the OW?

Vexatious litigants are individuals who persistently take legal action against others in cases without any merit, who are forbidden from starting civil cases in courts without permission.
Vexatious litigants - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

I know most of mumsnet likes to believe that “my ex is crazy” is just part of a script and nonsense, but sometimes it’s true.

amazing how many posters will twist and turn to avoid blaming a woman who’s clearly at fault and find a reason it must be the man’s fault…

You only have 4 years of your DP needing to speak to her ever again! Once he is 16 years old I don’t see any reason to talk or email. Just block her.

i would just leave it and ask your DP not to tell you about these email. I think there a new law about malicious social services call outs.

if it continues then get legal advice on case for harassment

I feel desperately sorry for you and for your poor stepson who is caught in the middle.

In your place, I would try to go it alone if I could afford it, it may not be forever.

There must be some way of sorting out this awful business.