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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So if your friend lost 5 stone in 6 months .. would you wonder how ?

386 replies

AboutVattime · 05/10/2024 19:33

Just inquisitive.. my best friend has always been obese. About 22 stone. I have worried about her health silently for a very long time.. she started Mountjaro in April and is now 14 st. I am completely thrilled for her . Her blood pressure is now 'upper' but not ' see your healthcare provider' .. her heart 'murmurs' have ceased.. I am worried that when she come to the end of her treatment she's will just gain it all again. It is without a miraculous drug.. she has struggled to afford...she is incredibly good with money and financially planned every inch of her journey so that her treatment equalled less than her cost of food consumption.. but only in the short term ( she planned 8 months but goal in 6)

My AIBU is ..I see the amazing difference , she is so happy for the first time in a long time after years of weight watchers, slimming world, Cambridge diet.. low carb, NHS gastric band..(15 years ago which helped but only ever got her to 16 stone before piling it back on) .. she has found one of the Mountjaro providers who will prescribe a maintenance dose...

But she can't afford it long term. It will be £189 per month without a discount.. AIBU to say I can pay this for her. She is my very best friend . I love her new found sense of self confidence.. and don't want it to go.. the money is not an issue for me . I am extremely comfortable and struggle to spend. However would love to help someone I love very much.

Just for complete transparency I had crept over into 'unhealthy' zone as also had osteoporosis in knees. Also took Mountjaro for 2 months and know how incredible it is. I have kept it off for 5 months without a maintenance dose .. it just reinforced healthy eating recipes for me . . But I haven't been morbidly obese

OP posts:
CorbyTrouserPress · 05/10/2024 22:40

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:38

Unfortunately that will never happen. Big pharma will be there waiting for all the obese people with their wonder drugs which cause even more disease and illness. It's an evil circle of profit they've created.

You’re still refusing to back up any of your claims. Any reason?

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:38

CatKitt · 05/10/2024 22:34

It's really not that hard and stop fetishizing food.

The govt and media need to heed this warning - that's where the food fetish stems from. Check most ads. TV, billboard, online, etc. They know things are dangerous - they advertise and sell them cheap, then tell you they're dangerous and you shouldn't get them. It's like playing chess with people's willpower and laughing at the result while making money. Awful!

Stop berating those who've fallen for it and focus on the people who're using them as puppets. Atleast obese people are trying to find a way to solve the willpower problem.

Unfortunately that will never happen. Big pharma will be there waiting for all the obese people with their wonder drugs which cause even more disease and illness. It's an evil circle of profit they've created.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/10/2024 22:38

You say you can afford this for your friend and that is very generous. I think, before you offer, you should calculate what this will cost you for a year, 10 years, the rest of her life. If your offer is time limited you need to include that information. Also, are there any other circumstances which would change your offer - you might need money for something else, she might win the lottery/receive an inheritance? Not saying you shouldn't offer, just think about how to word it.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 22:37

Fast 2 or 3 days a week ?

With a full time job and kids and a life?

You're literally advocating people starved?

How's that working out for the starving in Yemen or the famines across Eastern Africa ?

They're all really healthy are they?

Only a grotesque privileged westerner would come up with fast for 3 days a week for the people suffering from obesity 😮😱😱

babyproblems · 05/10/2024 22:36

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 19:52

Everyone who has taken the momentous decision to pay for this healthcare and save the nhs FORTUNES should get this for free once they're in the healthy weight band

End of.

I am doing this. I will not be able to afford this forever. I am insanely weight loss resistant, I am well under 5 foot.

I spent £17000 on a sleeve gastrectomy when I hit menopause. I was starving, I had been restricting for decades to 1300 calories, I have willpower beyond belief. I put up with being hungry every moment of every day. I was 5 stone overweight.

The gastric sleeve took me down to not being hungry on 1000 calories.

I lost 5 stone. I stopped losing. I was still overweight.

Mounjaro has taken me down to 600-800 calories without hunger. I have lost a further 2 stone.

I still need to lose 2 stone to get to 23 bmi, 7 stone. Bang in the middle of acceptable for my height.

I will need this drug forever. Or I will be hungry on 600 calories. I cannot cope with being hungry and putting weight on.

Every member of my family has died with obesity and heart disease, younger than they're supposed to have done. My mother at 61, father 63, grandparents 54, 66.

The nhs will SAVE MONEY OVERALL giving me this drug

This drug means I can walk 10 miles a day, have masses of energy. Run a team in the nhs, work full time

I am worth living without the threat of obesity because I happen to be (normally) hungry when I can only eat 600 calories.

This is madness. Of course you’ll be hungry on 600 calories!! And ill I would think. You can’t seriously believe that you are a medical and biological anomaly amongst the human race. If you can’t lose weight on such a diet there must be something else at play. Or you have reduced your metabolism to almost nothing. I can’t see how your body is functioning properly in this state - it just can’t be.

OssieShowman · 05/10/2024 22:35

You could offer to help support her. Maybe make an offer of helping towards the costs, that way she is not relying on you entirely, and give her some independence.

CatKitt · 05/10/2024 22:34

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:25

Fasting is the best way to lose weight. There is so much misinformation about food it is quite ridiculous. Stop eating refined carbohydrates and fast 2 or 3 days a week. It's really not that hard and stop fetishizing food.

Edited

It's really not that hard and stop fetishizing food.

The govt and media need to heed this warning - that's where the food fetish stems from. Check most ads. TV, billboard, online, etc. They know things are dangerous - they advertise and sell them cheap, then tell you they're dangerous and you shouldn't get them. It's like playing chess with people's willpower and laughing at the result while making money. Awful!

Stop berating those who've fallen for it and focus on the people who're using them as puppets. Atleast obese people are trying to find a way to solve the willpower problem.

AnotherCfspers · 05/10/2024 22:33

blueshoes · 05/10/2024 21:42

OP is most likely an ad.

Clickbait title that bears no relation to the content.
Posts are even more advertisement for the drug - both her friend and her lost weight in a short space of time with little effort.
'Amazing', 'incredible', 'new found sense of self confidence'
Both her friend and her did not have side effects.
Cost of the drug is 189 per month without discount (no doubt there will be a discount)
OP did not even need a maintenance dose.
So great she even wants to buy it for her friend.

What's not to like?

Utterly in agreement!

CorbyTrouserPress · 05/10/2024 22:32

Island2513 · 05/10/2024 22:31

Did you miss my earlier post asking you where the information is that these drugs are very dangerous? I assume you are posting out of sincere concern and want to help people not harm themselves so sharing the information you have would be very useful.

Funnily enough she missed my post asking pretty much the same thing.

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 22:32

NamechangeRugby · 05/10/2024 22:25

I agree with you. Where people are morbidly obese and have tried every avenue, it is probably worth the risk under the supervision of a GP and with the emphasis that the 600 calories eaten must be highly nutritional. Please don't get me wrong. I really hope this treatment is effective and allows them to quickly no longer need the medication and lead a full and healthy life.

But I take huge exception to a company bypassing advertising standards to peddle a drug indiscriminately for free, conveniently omitting the side effects or risks.

If this happens with a product, which on the face of it should be hugely successful in its own right and not require this type of back-handed dealing, then someone is going after short term profits and those type of people unfortunately care not one jot about the patients or their long term health.

Quite interested in this.

Who is bypassing whose advertising standards and giving the drugs away for free? Omitting side effects?

If you are talking about referral schemes I agree., I find them uncomfortable.

But I don’t see anyone omitting side effects. No legitimate place you can get it from omits the side effects. Even people talking about on social media talk a lot about the possible side effects. Both long and short term.

Island2513 · 05/10/2024 22:31

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:20

Except most of those drugs aren't 1 year old. Nothing is known about the long term risks and benefits because the data simply does not exist. The statement that the drug can cause organ failure and cancer is true. Injecting yourself with this drug to lose weight is a horrible solution.

Did you miss my earlier post asking you where the information is that these drugs are very dangerous? I assume you are posting out of sincere concern and want to help people not harm themselves so sharing the information you have would be very useful.

AnotherCfspers · 05/10/2024 22:29

Reported as I suspect the OP is a paid promoter ,there’s a lot of these threads on MN recently with a misleading title and initial posts that then turn into an series of posts extolling the virtues of the drug .

Island2513 · 05/10/2024 22:28

Sheri99 · 05/10/2024 22:13

It isn't simple, PrincessofWells knows that! Why so many people are overweight is the CONSTANT suggestion of food's deliciousness in society today, and the easy to eat phenomena. That is why so many people are overweight, that and they simply can't get or don't have the fortitude to stop eating, start exercising, and quit focusing on food as entertainment. We won't live in a physically challenging world anymore. Agree with PrincessofWells, that the formula for getting and staying at a good weight is "simple" but getting oneself to DO what it take is quite the opposite. For example: once I was full grown at age 17 I weighed 150 pounds and was a US size 8-10; 5'7". With EACH pregnancy I gained: 30lb; 40lb; 50lb; 70lb. I lost all the weight after each pregnancy. How? I stopped eating by 1/2-3/4 and began rigorous exercise after childbirth recovery of 6 weeks. When I got divorced at 59 (after a 30 yr marriage) I found I weighed 170 lbs rather than my "ideal" 150; stress caused me to gain weight. What did I do? I stopped eating 1/2-3/4 and began rigorous exercise. I got back down to 150. It isn't EASY to lose weight; it IS however, simple. Diet and exercise, change eating lifestyle. I never touch white bread, butter, sugar BECAUSE my brain loves them like some addicts love cocaine or heroine. Food can become an addiction, but it is no excuse to NOT eat right, what is good for you and to exercise nearly every day. We must do this or die a slow, painful death.

What were your births like? What kind of newborn experience did you have? What kind of support did you get from your partner / other family members? Any child care? How much sleep did you get each night? Did any of your babies have serious health issues or severe disabilities? Have you experienced any other stressful events that caused weight gain other than divorce? What is your genetic predisposition for weight and other related health issues? Do you have any other health issues? What was your household income - did you outsource cleaning / food shopping etc?

Actually it doesn’t matter what the answer is. Because everybody’s experiences, health, support system, time available is different. Just because you were in a position to dedicate the time and energy to focus on that so soon after birth, doesn’t mean everyone does.

Oh and the simple solution to anorexia is just eat more, isn’t it? Maybe we should scrap all treatment for anorexics too. They just don’t try hard enough to eat more.

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 22:27

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:20

Except most of those drugs aren't 1 year old. Nothing is known about the long term risks and benefits because the data simply does not exist. The statement that the drug can cause organ failure and cancer is true. Injecting yourself with this drug to lose weight is a horrible solution.

GLP1 medications have not been around 1 year.

NamechangeRugby · 05/10/2024 22:25

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/10/2024 21:59

Any use of medication is about weighing the possible risks and the possible benefits. Obesity has it's own long term risks which can include early death. From WHO long term effects of obesity include, cardiovascular disease (mainly heart disease and stroke), type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders like osteoarthritis, and some cancers (endometrial, breast and colon)

People all over the world are on medications that have potentially horrible side effects including possible death because it is safer and better for them to take those risks then to face the risks from not taking the medication. A statement like this is worthless, you need to look at the studies and the underlying data and compare outcomes at a population level plus look at the specific instances in which these side effects have occurred and whether they were caused in part by comorbidity as a long term outcome of the very reason the person was taking the medication.

I agree with you. Where people are morbidly obese and have tried every avenue, it is probably worth the risk under the supervision of a GP and with the emphasis that the 600 calories eaten must be highly nutritional. Please don't get me wrong. I really hope this treatment is effective and allows them to quickly no longer need the medication and lead a full and healthy life.

But I take huge exception to a company bypassing advertising standards to peddle a drug indiscriminately for free, conveniently omitting the side effects or risks.

If this happens with a product, which on the face of it should be hugely successful in its own right and not require this type of back-handed dealing, then someone is going after short term profits and those type of people unfortunately care not one jot about the patients or their long term health.

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:25

Fasting is the best way to lose weight. There is so much misinformation about food it is quite ridiculous. Stop eating refined carbohydrates and fast 2 or 3 days a week. It's really not that hard and stop fetishizing food.

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 22:25

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 22:15

It's definitely more difficult to go the market buy basic fresh veg and then to the supermarket for fish (expensive) or meat. Its time consuming.

But this is how everyone used to eat and the clue might be there was very little ultra processed food around 45 years ago and nearly everyone was slim (not necessarily healthier due to other causes).

Jesus wept.

Entirely missing the point.

That poster was saying people need to eat like they did tens of thousands of years ago. Small amount of high quality protein and locally sourced seasonal vegetables. That poster claims that’s all you need to be at a healthy weight and never get Covid. And everybody could.

I pointed out that thousands of years ago people didn’t have a job to travel to and from. And spend most of their day there. There wasn’t a CoL. That many people can’t afford to eat like that and many people don’t have the time.

That poster came back with post about how she works away, whilst having no outside help and parents a teen and keeps a house and walks a dog. She manages it all just fine.

She completely left out that she earn a lot of money. So has the disposable income. Had another adult who runs the house, parents, has an income and looks after the dog. And then makes out because she did it everyone could.

It doesn’t matter if that’s how everyone use to eat. It is not realistic for most people. And if you think it is you are massively out of touch.

People also didn’t have to work in offices and get kids to school and commute twice a day.

and then, Even if people could afford it and did have the time it doesn’t mean they can stick to it. Like someone with anorexia knows they should eat. An alcoholic tries to not drink. Someone with depression tries to put a smile on their face.

Again because one person managed it doesn’t mean everyone can. It’s the same as telling someone with anorexia ‘just just need to eat more’.

MellersSmellers · 05/10/2024 22:23

It doesn't sound like a healthy longterm solution to take that drug indefinitely. You'd be a better friend if you helped her make permanent changes to her diet and lifestyle surely. Maybe that will be possible now she has seen and felt the benefits of losing the weight.

MargaretThursday · 05/10/2024 22:21

I would say that is a lot of money for your friend to be dependent on you providing for the rest of her life, presumably, and it will change the friendship.

What if you lose your job, or something comes up and you have to say you can't pay it that month? Or a big health scare comes up and you feel it's too big a risk, but she doesn't. or they double the price etc
There's such huge potential for it to go wrong here. You beginning to resent that amount of money, or her being upset because you can't pay one month or anything like that.

Maybe offer money for one year in a lump sum to get her started if you want to do it. She can choose then to pay half and make it last two years, or just do one year etc. But that way you're not paying her every month to do it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/10/2024 22:20

Title doesn't make sense at all

Guessing you lied to get mj yourself if was overweight not obese /bmi over 30

How long can you afford to pay the main dose ? Few months ? Years ? Forever

Yes a nice thing to do but if she shopped around could get cheaper and she could cover the cost if not buying lots of food a week

Obv she will eat but her shopping bill will be less

GreyMember · 05/10/2024 22:20

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/10/2024 21:59

Any use of medication is about weighing the possible risks and the possible benefits. Obesity has it's own long term risks which can include early death. From WHO long term effects of obesity include, cardiovascular disease (mainly heart disease and stroke), type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders like osteoarthritis, and some cancers (endometrial, breast and colon)

People all over the world are on medications that have potentially horrible side effects including possible death because it is safer and better for them to take those risks then to face the risks from not taking the medication. A statement like this is worthless, you need to look at the studies and the underlying data and compare outcomes at a population level plus look at the specific instances in which these side effects have occurred and whether they were caused in part by comorbidity as a long term outcome of the very reason the person was taking the medication.

Except most of those drugs aren't 1 year old. Nothing is known about the long term risks and benefits because the data simply does not exist. The statement that the drug can cause organ failure and cancer is true. Injecting yourself with this drug to lose weight is a horrible solution.

ItTook9Years · 05/10/2024 22:18

If you can afford to be cooked for while you work away, you are in a more fortune position than most people. Which is what is said.

sorry, who is cooking for me?

as it happens my husband doesn’t eat the same as me - he buys his food and I buy mine. I pay for my hotel accommodation when I’m away. So him being around only really helps with child stuff.

AnotherCfspers · 05/10/2024 22:18

So are you offering to pay for it for the rest of her life then ? If so that is very generous!

AboutVattime · 05/10/2024 22:17

I have to just add something that is really strange about this drug..

Both myself and lovely friend have massively changed our food input .. bf is almost prescribed in her food intake .. nothing but protein (pescatarian now ) so only fish :sea food and veg:: I am almost the same with the addition of chicken ..

OP posts:
PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 22:15

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 22:05

We are nearly at the end of 2024. So you could have had it. You could ah e missed having in yeh last 2 years.

So the house you run, you run it with another adult. Funny how your ‘study of one’ failed to mention him.

If you can afford to be cooked for while you work away, you are in a more fortune position than most people. Which is what is said.

Yes you did say that. I said that not everyone can afford or have the time to do locally sourced seasonal produce and high quality protein. You came back with your study of one proved it could be done because you did it. All whilst failing to mention that you have another adult and another income.

You left him out on purpose. Your study of one post was designed to make it look like you managed this hectic lifestyle so everyone could. You mentioned that you got no outside help though. Funny that. Fact is you likely have a much higher household income than most people AND you also have another income AND adult helping with all those things you claimed just you did.

So my point stands. Most people do not have the finances and time to be able to eat high quality protein and locally sourced seasonal vegetables and fruit. You, in your provided position, are able to. You are not the representative of the cast majority of people, completely out of touch and enjoy trying to manipulate people by presenting yourself in certain ways to attempt to prove a point.

It's definitely more difficult to go the market buy basic fresh veg and then to the supermarket for fish (expensive) or meat. Its time consuming.

But this is how everyone used to eat and the clue might be there was very little ultra processed food around 45 years ago and nearly everyone was slim (not necessarily healthier due to other causes).