Do your parents or in laws have a favourite/golden child?

This sounds like my family and it makes me feel so sad. Right now I am really struggling with my PND and my sister has anxiety (no children). We are all being there for her and supporting her in every way we can but my PND has been completely forgotten about, I would love some similar support. I have always been so close with my family but I am only now realising how nobody really cares about me.

Yes, my parents golden child was my sibling and she loved being golden child which made it worse. It wasn’t just subtle differences in treatment, they were cruel and horrible to me too and I never felt I belonged. NC now.

My in-laws favourite is their youngest daughter. My DH has dropped the rope, but his other sisters seems to try and constantly fight it out to get the golden child status for themselves, which if course they will never win. MIL loves the attention that brings.

Our DC did realise and was very uncomfortable about it.

In laws very much have a favourite in their youngest son, DH (oldest) unfortunately can do nothing right, and the middle son gets similar but not quite as bad treatment. Unfortunately it hasn't served them very well, DH makes very little effort with them and because of their lack of interest in him they have lost our on the chance to have any type of meaningful relationship with our children. I gave up trying to facilitate this when our youngest was little and his complex needs became apparent. Middle brother does not want children or a romantic relationship. Other people find youngest brother hard work as in his 30s he still expects everything to go his way and doesn't cope when they don't.
DH was blamed for losing the youngest's passport having not lived in the house when he got it. Youngest the only one taken on holiday, multiple trips to Disneyworld while the older two were left at home with grandmother into their teens. Only ever celebrated youngest achievements, actively sabotaged the health and potential for success of older brothers. Middle brother has awful hearing difficulties while he was stopped getting support for while in school and was told he would die as a young adult if he pursued the treatment offered, which was no longer viable when he wanted to explore it recently. Didn't care about husband coming home black and blue due to bullying or not going to school but kicking up a massive fuss when someone dared to hit youngest back. Ignored DH in the process of getting ready on our wedding day and fussed over youngest have multiple photos of him getting ready displayed but only a group one of DH.

My parents worked very hard not to have a favourite between me and my sister as they both weren't the favourite sibling. My aunt was always bailed out, had lots of time and attention and they followed her around as an adult moving country several times even when things went repeatedly wrong. My dad's twin was the golden child and he was all that they could talk about and got the best of everything first meaning sadly by their deaths only dad and one of his sisters was still in contact with them.
Things weren't always fair but they made a good go of giving us what we needed as individuals and recognised when they didn't quite manage that. They also protected us from not being the favourite grandchildren. They now have a wonderful relationship with DD and are making every effort possible to develop the same sort of relationship with DS on his own unique terms.

I’ve just been reading a novel by Mary Gaitskill in which the dying mother whispers ‘My most beautiful’ to her fashion model daughter on her deathbed. Later on, she asks her two sisters what she whispered to them, and it turns out she said the same thing to all three…

Yes. We are both the eldest, and both the scapegoats.

DH is 1 of 2. SIL is favoured and so is her DC. Even though ours is less than a year younger. Really hurts me.

I am 1 of 3, middle DB is favoured just because my DM loved his DF more 😂 also I am a girl, so that is a problem for her too. I am older by many years - only DGC from us, blocked me on the day I gave birth due to me not wanting her at the birth.

Families are weird as f!!!!

Out of the 3 of us, my sister and her kids are definitely the favoured ones by our mum.

DD (6) has a cousin who is the same age, my sisters daughter. I remember very well asking my mum if she would like to watch my DD in her first school nativity play. She declined saying it was too early for her. A few weeks later I discovered she had got up extra early to watch her other grand daughter in a dancing competition which in fact started earlier than the nativity play.

Ive also found messages between my mum and sister criticising me and saying I couldn’t cope with DD.

In DHs family, his sister is very protected. Can say WTF she likes and you’re then in the wrong for reacting.

They do but it's really quite benign. There's just one that my dad in particular gels with. Just as you might get on with one aunt over another, they might like one more. But they love them all equally.

It's the same for my DH (1 of 4). We tried really hard but it will never be good enough for my MIL. We are reducing contact before there are kids in the picture so at least they wouldn't be exposed to this.

Though I suppose there wouldn't be any 'other grandchildren' as 2 out of 4 have immigrated and they wouldn't come back much if at all. The one she is always protecting is the one living at home, she can do no wrong and is allowed to be as rude/obnoxious as she likes. She lives in her room and dh and I are treated as her playmates/punchbags so she gets some social interaction. I think we have had enough.

One reason why we felt obligated was cos MIL let us stay at home for ages which meant we bought our home in our 20s unlike his siblings though tbh we were more squatters than house guests ad MIL said we could stay for a time and we ended up overstaying our welcome due to a combination of bad luck (visa took 8 months(2016 to 2017), dh or I lost our jobs in 2017/2018, buying a flat in london took a year cos we got gazumped twice aka 2018 to 2019). We did fear we were going to be thrown out circa 2017 to 2018 and I guess 2018 to 2019, there wasn't much point asking us to leave as I was going on viewings every week to try to find a place to buy.

My in-laws favour their 3rd DC, my SIL. Always have according to DH. MIL still gives grown and married SIL £££ anytime she wants including large sums towards a house and then renovation and apparently intend to 'help' if they want to upsize. SIL is much nicer since having had her baby, but previous to that was so spoilt and even bratty, which was weird on an adult.

ETA that other SIL was the scapegoat and has been treated appallingly, and DH who was the eldest and the only boy, seemed to be somewhere in the middle of scapegoat and golden child.

I had / have this too . Comparing me with my cousin to others and saying how she wished she had a daughter like my cousin . There is a small age gap between us . It hurt like hell when I was growing up .

If my mum has a favourite out of the three of us, none of us know who it is, I have a great relationship with all my siblings.

DH is one of 4 and he is the black sheep, it’s actually so sad and horrible to watch. I’ve never seen anyone be treated so badly by their own family before and by extension so am I and our children.
After almost two decades, it just became too much to handle and after slowly backing away in recent years, we’ve just called it quits this year. I cannot believe how much better we feel.

No longer having it rubbed in our faces how the other grandchildren are treated, being taken out and visited several times weekly whereas ours were probably spoken to/seen maybe 3 times per year and when they were they were shown videos and pictures of grandma and grandad taking their cousins out and oh what a fun time they all had etc the difference in treatment is worlds apart! My kids don’t need to be exposed to that shit.

When I look back at what has been said and done to us over the years I can’t believe I tried so hard for so long, I could write a book. What wasted years but onwards now and it’s already more positive.

I feel like I’m the favourite but maybe my parents just did a good job and we both feel like that.

Yes. Youngest son and first born grandson - GS is not the son of youngest son but another brother.

She has given both of them ££££££ - to the youngest son when ever the slimy twat asks for money and to the grandson just because she want to. She doesn’t speak to her other 7 grandchildren including the kids of her golden son and the sibling of her golden grandchild.

she’s nuts.

PIL favour BIL and it’s reflected in the treatment of the grandchildren. It hasn’t done BIL any good, he is a child like adult with little get up and go who is surprised by the difficulty of the world. It’s negatively impacted on DH and BIL’s relationship
which won’t do BIL much good in the long term because he doesn’t have many friends.

I was the golden child - it was hell, if I ever messed up there was so much shame. I'd have happily swapped with my sisters any day. My mum eventually realised I wasn't perfect, she was so shocked that now she tells people she only has two daughters!

Well, this is the problem with sibling relationships — everyone has a competing narrative of favouritism/scapegoating, and they seldom match. I have four siblings. Each of my three sisters thinks she’s the least favourite, but each has a different nomination for ‘favourite girl’. The one thing we all agree on is that our brother (only boy and baby) is the favourite child.

My cousin was my Mum’s favourite. She was apparently “the daughter she never had.” So that made me feel wonderful.

Cousin didn’t come to my Mum’s funeral and once she ascertained she hadn’t been left anything in my Mum’s will I haven’t heard from her.

What I find interesting is that often the golden child doesn’t realise they are favoured. When I started speaking to my dsis about it she was really surprised that I felt like I was treated worse. She hadn’t twigged.

I would say most families are like this but the degree varies. In my DPs family it is subtle but in mine it’s really glaring (to me!). My DSiS is the golden child and while my parents love us both and help us both, she always comes first. For example, if we both need help with the kids, they’ll help her even if that means dropping plans with my kids. She also gets more financial help and massively better birthday presents (eg she gets diamond earrings and I get a second hand book, if I’m lucky). It’s very weird and deep rooted in our childhood.

My parents were very good at not being favourist between kids.

It's interesting with MIL that my oldest DC used to rather obviously be a favourite with her - as oldest has gone into teens and identified as non binary for a few years it's notable how MIL has transferred favourite status to DH's niece! DC is quite happy about this as does not like being around MIL, who is a difficult person and I don't really blame DC for feeling that way.

My parents it’s me. However, I visit weekly, arrange to take them on holiday as they can’t go alone now, help in the garden and provide additional support. Step siblings haven’t been seen in 10 months, but ring regularly to remind them both how hard life is (while going to spas, putting up photos in Centre Parcs etc).
In laws- definitely my BIL. I gave up after producing Christmas one year and had to listen to them tell me all day how fabulous my SIL was. She had an affair and left my BIL about 2 years later.

Inlaws certainly do.

They requested to go NC with us after we didn't do as they asked.

They have 3 children, only speak to one and are always boosting and gloating about them on FB. They can do no wrong.

They have 8 grandchildren and through their own choice only see 1 (GC from favourite DC)

Its ridiculous. They live less than a 5 minute walk from the others and want nothing to do with anyone other than the favourites.

My parents didn't do this but my MIL did, although FIL did not.

MIL would have denied it hotly, but she very much favoured DH's younger brother. Brother was golden boy and could do no wrong, the sun shone out of his arse. He had a criminal record too and was a violent alcoholic who also did drugs.

FIL could see younger brother for what he was but MIL always defended him and bailed him out almost right up to the day she died. It didn't end well. He ended up a man child in his forties who had never even paid a single bill of his own and had no idea how to.

😂 with my mum/stepdad (my dad is dead), I think it’s me because I went NC with them last. All the others went NC probably a decade before, so I was last man standing and pretty much sole beneficiary of their will. I suspect them have moved on to adopting a random now to fill that role - probably a neighbour or random former colleague from when they were still working.