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Original poster

People Cancelling Last Minute!!

195 replies

Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 12:32

Thoughts on people cancelling plans last minute ??
Eg on the day or literally with 20 mins before you need to leave the house.
I had booked tickets for something involving train journey.
I'm now going alone.
My so called mate cancelled last minute.
It still shocked me as it was 15 mins before I needed to leave.
Said mate I hadn't seen in ages and ages and was curious whether the same pattern would happen again!!
Fuming.
I've sent lots of message but non read so obv avoiding looking!!
I thought I'd try a new tactics by going through my journey and day to spite him ?
I have also said I think you just couldn't be bothered also and it's it strange your not responding to my messages when your the one that cancelled ?
I'd normally not be able to relax all day knowing if id cancelled. ( gulit) .
I would ok with a couple of texts. This was a long pathetic message and no reply. So it would not have mattered if I just didn't read the message.
It's like they have turned their phone off.
Rude! They say due to anxiety not liking busy places.
But surely my anxiety and stress levels through the roof now by letting this happen again?
I wouldn't have sent loads of messages if I wasnt bothered and stressed.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 05/10/2024 19:00

Has anxiety sometimes yet goes cinema often or stuff with immediate family

Yeah that's kind of how anxiety works. Sometimes you're OK & can cope, depending where you're going or who you're going with. I can go more places with my Mum, nieces or best friend than I can with not so close friends. He's probably cancelled last minute because he was trying up til then to go

I suffer from what can at times be crippling anxiety. Thankfully though my friends are incredibly understanding & supportive

Look on the bright side. The way you've so massively over reacted to today there's not a chance your poor (former) friend will make any future plans with you

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 18:59

BabyR · 05/10/2024 18:48

These sort of comments are unfair.
People can only take so many times of being let down.

Show quote history

Indeed why should one person call the shots.
I wish I'd have cancelled yesterday but still gone myself, to gain some dignity.
Could have easily said I'd caught a bug.
Of course they had no intention of turning up but still.!

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 18:56

Toopies · 05/10/2024 18:29

OP, take this as final and NEVER make any effort ever again.
It has become a thing for some people to just back out last minute.
Have boundaries and self respect and make no further effort again.
Never book and pay for anything again in advance.
This is really basic.
My kids know it.
Nothing is ever booked until everything is pre paid in advance.
Never put yourself in a situation where you are left with having paid for something and are dropped last minute.

I guess I'd be better going in a group situation, where you just meet at the venue and everyone goes their own way and back alone.
Or just alone either way.
Or if I found some new friend in future only book on the day when both are passing by and pay separate.

OP posts:
BabyR · 05/10/2024 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

These sort of comments are unfair.
People can only take so many times of being let down.

BabyR · 05/10/2024 18:42

I would have left them on read if it’s a regular thing. They must have known they weren’t coming.

Toopies · 05/10/2024 18:29

OP, take this as final and NEVER make any effort ever again.
It has become a thing for some people to just back out last minute.
Have boundaries and self respect and make no further effort again.
Never book and pay for anything again in advance.
This is really basic.
My kids know it.
Nothing is ever booked until everything is pre paid in advance.
Never put yourself in a situation where you are left with having paid for something and are dropped last minute.

backawayfatty1 · 05/10/2024 18:19

Is it rude to cancel last min - yes.
Would I give allowances for someone with anxiety - yes.
You sound like you don't have the patience to support your friend so prob best spending your energy on other friends.
If the train cost is an issue, ask friend to send you the money.

Demonhunter · 05/10/2024 17:59

No you didn't say you had a mental health condition. Anyone can get stressed and and have their confidence knocked, doesn't make it a mental health condition you suffer from. If you're claiming tha now, it was a massive drip feed.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 17:54

Demonhunter · 05/10/2024 13:50

She hasn't said she has mental health problems though, she's just raging about being cancelled on. Not every annoyance affects mental health.

Edited
Show quote history

I did say it affects my mental health and general anxiety.

OP posts:
Bellatrixpure · 05/10/2024 17:46

Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 17:38

Well yeh I doubt he's gonna be in touch.
Deffo caused me more anxiety.

Show quote history

I think you should just block and move on sadly. Maybe it was too much for him, anxiety is awful and can be debilitating. How far was he meant to be travelling? Where were you meant to meet?

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 17:38

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/10/2024 17:35

I would drop this friendship, as it seems to cause you too much anxiety.

Well yeh I doubt he's gonna be in touch.
Deffo caused me more anxiety.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/10/2024 17:35

I would drop this friendship, as it seems to cause you too much anxiety.

Mary46 · 05/10/2024 17:23

If its a pattern of cancelling that is annoying agree

Mary46 · 05/10/2024 17:17

Yes rude. I was told on here nobody owes you anything!! Op Im finding people pure flakes now. It is shocking. Puts me off planning things or they cancel!

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 17:04

pictoosh · 05/10/2024 13:21

Yes a last minute cancellation is very annoying, but more so from someone who has form.
Personally my response to those is cooler, it's a polite acknowledgment but nothing more. No reassurances, no sympathy.
"Thanks for letting me know."
That sort of thing.

It's a sort of 'three strikes' system. When I sense I'm being mugged off by that same person again, I don't respond to the cancellation at all. I read but do not reply.
From that point on no further arrangements will be made. I will remain friendly but always unavailable. And they know why.

Another timewaster dealt with. No stress.

Yes I think last time it was 3 strikes and move on.
I probably should not have messaged back when he got in touch during the summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 17:02

Anyway the thread is about how rude it is to cancel last minute!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 17:01

KateMiskin · 05/10/2024 16:51

Kindly OP, he's just not that into you.

Do old mates need to be that into each other... it would be a monthly or every other month event./ meet up.

OP posts:
KateMiskin · 05/10/2024 16:51

Kindly OP, he's just not that into you.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 05/10/2024 16:46

I can't believe he had no intention of seeing if id see his text message.

OP posts:
KateMiskin · 05/10/2024 16:29

Yes absolutely stop texting chronic cancellers.

lap90 · 05/10/2024 16:25

Chronic cancellers are annoying.

I have one of those 'friends'... every time they suggest something i now wonder at what point they will cancel.

Tbh, it's best not to even put stuff like this in your diary anymore from people like that and just carry on about your life as normal and FGS, stop texting them.

KateMiskin · 05/10/2024 16:19

I think we all deserve to decide who we can be friends with. Personally if any of my friends are that anxious/ ill, I prefer not to make time bound plans with them like the theatre, movies, travel etc.
Instead I ask them to visit me at my home when they feel up to it. Or I see them in a group where it doesn't matter if one person doesnt turn up.

I don't like being cancelled on.

Dutchhouse14 · 05/10/2024 16:14

My DD has anxiety (and autism) , it's does fluctuate day be day even hour by hour.
Some days she can cope with a busy active day, other days she is shut down and unable to leave her bed let alone the house.
The late cancellation is crap and disappointing.
But if they have anxiety they will be feeling crap too.
They aren't doing it to spite you.

CandyLeBonBon · 05/10/2024 16:00

I'm currently finding agreeing to and going through with social engagements quite a struggle. I don't feel safe straying too far from home and am reluctant to agree to do things in the future as I worry I'll just want to back out. I often feel pressured to do things and end up regretting it but the anxiety builds up and I just want to hide under my duvet and not go. The biggest step is pushing yourself through that pain barrier. But you often need support to do so. Worrying that a friend is going to be pissed off with you makes the whole situation worse - but the key here is compassionate communication.

I understand how annoying it is op, and it's understandable how pissed off you are. If you want to continue the friendship you both need to sit down and talk it through. Being stroppy, petty and passive aggressive won't solve anything. If the friendship is worth saving, talk to him, and have low-stakes meet up rather than anything

Of course if the relationship really isn't worth it then drop the passive aggression, chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on.

KateMiskin · 05/10/2024 15:55

I agree it's hard. Can you access any hobby groups on Meetup? That way, if one person is a flake and cancels, you have the others. There are lots of theatre groups on Meetup, I believe.