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AIBU?

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Original poster

MY birthday / HIS mother

190 replies

CoffeenWalnut · 05/10/2024 09:06

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off that not only do I have to ring around to find somewhere nice for lunch for my birthday tomorrow, but I have to book for THREE?
I appreciate that his mother is an elderly widow, but he could have taken her out on HIS birthday (which was last Thursday) and I suggested it sufficiently far in advance for him to organise it, but he didn't get his ducks in a row and now he insists she tags along with us on my birthday : I am not a happy bunny!

OP posts:
Lemonadeand · 05/10/2024 09:26

Just tell him you want your birthday lunch to be just the two of you. And add that it’s so important to you to keep a bit of romance, intimacy and connection alive in a marriage. I find men generally hear and understand what you’re saying better when there is an underlying hint of possible sex.

Coconutter24 · 05/10/2024 09:22

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off that not only do I have to ring around to find somewhere nice for lunch for my birthday tomorrow, but I have to book for THREE?

YABU for saying you have to, you don’t have to ring around anywhere. Either ask him to sort it and risk a lunch for 3 or book it yourself for 2 and tell him you can all go for lunch a different day!

2chocolateoranges · 05/10/2024 09:18

I’d make plans with a friend, if he can’t make an effort to spend time with just you on your birthday then that’s a problem. His mum could tag along any other day but not on your birthday.

nootcoffee · 05/10/2024 09:16

category12 · 05/10/2024 09:13

You're being unreasonable because you're going along with it and accepting you're also doing the legwork for it.

the gift of martyrdom

partygate · 05/10/2024 09:15

Meet a friend for lunch. He can organise lunch for his mother or let her down. How is organising this and bringing his mother a treat for you? Just a breezy ‘oh you don’t seem that fussed about bringing me to lunch so my friend X is’. And then next year show him the same energy he has shown you - oh I’ll go out with you if you arrange.

I bet he’s generally lazy and selfish. Stop putting up with it or you’ve a long road ahead of you.

category12 · 05/10/2024 09:13

You're being unreasonable because you're going along with it and accepting you're also doing the legwork for it.

nootcoffee · 05/10/2024 09:12

Hoardasurass · 05/10/2024 09:11

Tell him she's not invited and only book for 2.
Also don't do anything for his birthday make him organise his own just as you have to organise your own

what a lovely marriage this would be

KTheGrey · 05/10/2024 09:11

Go out with somebody else for your birthday. He can sort out lunch with his mother for BOTH your birthdays next weekend.

Hoardasurass · 05/10/2024 09:11

Tell him she's not invited and only book for 2.
Also don't do anything for his birthday make him organise his own just as you have to organise your own

pictoosh · 05/10/2024 09:10

Yanbu...will he kick off at the 'no'?

bitsalty · 05/10/2024 09:10

Don't do it. Either refuse to go with her or make other plans. No-one can force you to go along with what they want.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 05/10/2024 09:09

Go out with a friend instead.

Namenamchange · 05/10/2024 09:09

I think you need to ask yourself whether you are going to accept this

W0tnow · 05/10/2024 09:08

Not unreasonable. I guess you could refuse to do the legwork, but then you don’t get to go out for lunch….

nootcoffee · 05/10/2024 09:08

why do you have to ring around?

go out and see a friend

doesn’t sound like you’ll enjoy this lunch with can’t be arsed partner and his mum anyway 🤷

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