Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

163 replies

Redcase · 05/10/2024 06:37

I’m raging right now and need some more clear headed opinions. Me and DH are due to take DS to uni open day today. It’s a 3 hour drive each way and we should leave at 8:30.
DS went out last night and had been told by DH to not be late as DH wasn’t going to drive to uni city and back if DS was going to be a hungover zombie. Woke up at 3:30am and DS wasn’t home. DH rang him and after a bit of an argument, DS got a taxi home arriving back at 4am.
DH says we now shouldn’t go as this is what he said would be the consequence and ground DS.There is another open day in November. I’m not sure if we should still make DS go and honour the commitment.
We are working hard saving for uni and I picked up extra shifts last weekend so this is my first day off in 13 days. DS knows this and I think my tiredness and feeling of him taking the piss could be clouding my judgement.
Any advice? TIA

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 05/10/2024 06:51

He will get nothing out of it and neither will you or DH. You will be punishing yourselves as much as him. Rearrange for November or just visit the City when you can.

You and DH should go for lunch and a bit of a day out rather than being angry. Do something you both enjoy and don't waste a hard earned day off.

DS did similar and was very uninterested in open days. He went to a couple with friends (a long way away), missed a couple, changed his mind, had a gap year and came home at 4am in the morning serially. He is now an academic and works for one! As do I.

You'll get a better vibe in November BTW as the students will have bedded down and neither they nor the staff will be on the tail end of induction.

Bloody teenagers.

WoahThreeAces · 05/10/2024 06:48

It'll be a pointless waste of time if you drag him.there feeling exhausted and hungover. He won't get anything out of it at all. To just go it as a punishment is a bit daft I think.

If he is up and wants to go, take him. If not leave him to sleep. Maybe he doesn't even want to go at all!

Pepperama · 05/10/2024 06:48

Unless he’s up and dressed and ready to leave at the right time without your intervention, I’d enjoy my free day with hubby and leave him to it. He’s an adult, and if that’s how he approaches uni he won’t succeed. So this may be an important last opportunity to drive home the fact he’s not doing you a favour going to university, and that actually, a lot of sacrifice would be involved. Which you’re willing to make, but only if it’s something he really wants and works hard for. In November, he can take the train

Original poster
Redcase · 05/10/2024 06:46

I feel going when he feels like crap is the consequence of his actions.
For fairness, this is out of character for him. He works hard and is predicated 3 As. If he is working at weekend, then he decides that he doesn’t go out. He is normally trustworthy and this has really thrown me tbh.

OP posts:
Edingril · 05/10/2024 06:46

Well is he going to uni for him or for you both?

And no this 'look we are working 500 jobs and sacrificing our lives so you have what we didn't have for you' type scenario is not healthy

So does he really want to go to the open day and then uni?

But either he wants to go to the open day or not, if he is old enough for uni he is old enough to decide to go or not, I don't see 'punishing' him works at his age

BunsenBurnerBaby · 05/10/2024 06:44

I wouldn’t take him unless he was up and ready to go under his own steam. He is not as invested in this as you are. What year is he in? Let him sort himself out. He can apply anyway if he decides to and go and look on offer day if he gets in, I just wouldn’t put myself out for a child who doesn’t want to engage. Is this all your idea?

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/10/2024 06:43

I’d just stay super calm, take him a cuppa in and say we’re leaving at x o’clock. He’ll be suffering enough having to endure the drive. You might all end up having a lovely day. Make sure to mention this on his wedding day! X

Motheranddaughter · 05/10/2024 06:43

You can't ground hm he is not a child
I would probably still go if he wants to

MagneticSquirrel · 05/10/2024 06:43

Make him go! Being hungover and tired all day, being driven in car, hangover setting in during the morning / afternoo , is a much better way to learn to not go out late and drink excessively than staying in nice warm bed until the afternoon.

Happygogoat · 05/10/2024 06:43

Interested if he does get himself up and ready, albeit hungover? If he does then do go. If not: go in November. And have a day of rest for you and some chores for him!!

I wouldn’t have been so cross if he went out and got in at even 2am (I could have done the same back in the day and been passable by 8am!) but 4am after being prompted and ignoring your request is not okay. If he wants to see the uni he needs to take some responsibility.

oneisoneandallalone · 05/10/2024 06:42

Does he want to go to uni? Maybe he's feeling pushed in that direction and staying out late is a way of saying he doesn't want to to do open days.

Newuser75 · 05/10/2024 06:41

I'd still go, he can sleep in the car.

LostittoBostik · 05/10/2024 06:40

Surely if he didn't get home til 4 the punishment will be to still go, not cancel?

He's going to feel like absolute shit

You can really "ground" him if he's over 16.

Will he want to go?