To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

I agree with this.

What is wrong with him taking out a loan, getting a job beforehand and saving (my children did both)? Why are you busting a gut to do overtime?

Is this something he actually wants or is it being driven by his parents?

Tbh, I wouldn't go today.

For everyone's sanity.

University open days are not that crucial and, if he's ill/rough and you're pissed off with him, are any of you going to actually get any benefit from it? Essentially, all of the info available at open day will be available on the website but you'll (he'll..?) also get a bag with a bottle opener, a lanyard, and some other pointless crap. They're a marketing event to encourage students to attend.

I'd leave him to it and use the day to do something more enjoyable with your husband instead.

And I say that has someone who has been to university twice (UG and PG), with one graduate child and another who has just started her first year.

And they managed just fine without me doing overtime, working 13 days straight, hovering over them during A level revision, forcing them to attend open days... that's not to say they weren't supported but they were supported when they wanted it. They were self motivated and driven to achieve it. Not because I micromanaged them.

Because, if he goes to university somewhere 3 hours away, he is going to have to be self disciplined and motivated anyway or all your input will have been for nothing anyway.

What would be the point?

He's not interested in this university and it's a six hour round trip in the car, which sounds horrendous at the best of times.

He doesn't want to go, his parents don't really want to go, so why force it?

I think you're risking making this all into a huge deal when it doesn't have to be.

Go and wake him - if he doesn't want to go or is clearly not in a fit state to spend six hours in a car, then enjoy a bonus day off with your husband and just let him get on with it - surely?

He's nearly an adult, you can't punish him and not let him go to a football match like a child!

Unless he bounces out of bed feeling perky (I remember being 18!) then he won’t get anything out of it, so don’t go.

enjoy a sunny autumn day with your husband

At that age I had a part time job in a pub and we'd often go out after or someone would have a house party. Some of my colleagues were older even just late twenties, I remember walking home with the sun coming up chatting away with my friend who was the same age, talking about getting in showered and off to sixth form, one of our older friends was horrified and said how can you do that I feel like death I'll be going to bed until I have to go into work tonight. I just shrugged and couldn't work out why she couldn't just bounce back! He'll be fine, give him a gentle call when it's time to get up, don't have a war over it. If he wants to go he'll get up. I don't think I went to bed much before 4 the night before graduation, it's good practice.

I'd get him up and go. Teach him to stick to his commitments. He can sleep in car though.

I think it’ll be a waste of time and energy for you all and I wouldn’t go just to prove a point it teach a lesson, it just seems counter productive for everyone involved. If he gets up go, if not, don’t, that’s his choice.

I think teens should go to open days by themselves. I know it’s common but it seems infantilising for parents to take them.

Looks like he already knows what he wants.to do. Leave him to.it. I wouldn't drive a 6.hour round trip to.a university he never expressed interest in.

Regardless of there being another open day in the future, you have cleared your plans to take him today, and his decision to drink too much and sleep too little to feel well this morning should not cause you to rearrange your plans. Maybe wake him up in time for him to sort himself out and leave at the planned time. It's not unreasonable to hold the position that his options are to get himself up and ready to go today, or he simply doesn't go to an open day at this uni unless he gets himself to the future one and funds the rail and taxi fare himself.

But definitely have the bucket for the car....

If this is totally out of character for him, then I'd be kind about it. Go in, speak to him, see if he wants to go. I don't think I'd immediately offer the option of November instead, though.

It would be different if this were the latest in a long line of selfish, thoughtless events.

Or he's just a teenager who went out.

I remember my parents planning for us to go to ikea to get my uni stuff (saucepans etc). I went out the night before and got in very late to a post it note stuck on my door saying "you are still coming to ikea. Be up at 8!"

It wasn't some unconscious sign that I didn't want to go to uni and so was avoiding shopping. It was a poorly judged night of drinking.

OP, I'd still go. Unless he's throwing up, in which case I wouldn't put him in my car

Exactly! Everyone so dramatic on this thread. He is a young lad and hangover, so what. Stop micromanaging and babying him, he can cope and will learn his lesson. My DB was partying a ton in his uni years and managed a science phd.

It sounds like there's a lot of pressure around him going to university.

The fact that you're choosing to do loads of overtime and have worked 13 day straight - does he know that he's the reason behind that? Because it sounds really unhealthy for everyone for there to be so much stress and pressure.

I felt really pressured to going to university by my parents and honestly, it was a colossal waste of time and money and I didn't enjoy it. I wouldn't force him to go an open day - use the time to figure out what he really wants instead, and stop working silly hours!

I'd step back.
Have a lie in. Let him know that he can find his own way to uni open days.
Keep saving but on the basis that it's a good thing to do, not solely for ds ( I know thar is your motivation but it doesn't have to be all or nothing!

Having only 4 hours sleep and a hangover is perfect preparation for student life. He can get more kip in the car , if ge wants to go I'd still take him.

Just another thought op, if he is worried/unsure/rethinking, he will discuss more easily if you and dh are hands off today and give him a bit of space round this.

If you do go, I'd take a bucket for the car.

You are more invested in this than he is. I would completely back off, let him organise his own open days and travel arrangements. My son went out til 3am managed to get himself up and on a train to get to an open day because he wanted to go, not because I wanted him to go. As for picking up extra shifts do that for yourself not a drunken eejit who needs to learn some self management.

I think it has to be his shout because he is the one who wants to see it. Slightly different issue but we went on a uni open day but dc became ill and progressively worse during the day (not contagious). We ended up having to go back because dc couldn't fairly judge it. Having said that, young livers seem to cope better with alcohol so he might bounce back after a few hours sleep especially if he sleeps in the car. Would he need to take another day off work in November if he doesn't go today? He might want to factor that in his decision. I wouldn't drag him there if he doesn't want to go. He may just end up not liking the university and rejecting it because he wasn't feeling it when he looked around.

Annoyingly he'll probably be fine. At that age they can be out until 4 and get up the next day just feeling a bit tired.

Don’t let it spoil your weekend. I totally get why you’re upset. I would be too.In our family we’d be loading him into the car and going hard with the banter. Teenagers! Hope you enjoy your day. Looks like a gorgeous day. Sky is all pink.x

The motivation for these things should come from him. If he isnt up and ready then no leave him - his choice he can rearrange it for November.