To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

Nope. 40 years ago parents definitely didn't go. You went on your own, a parent hanging round with you would have been very odd.

Why are you adding pressure by telling him about your savings and extra shifts etc It doesn't need to involve him?
I worked hard, saved etc for my dc but didn't feel the need to tell them! Why would I?

You can't ground an adult, get him up, go to the open day and maybe have an honest conversation about him going to uni. Does he actually want to go?
He won't be the only one there with a hangover and he can sleep in the car!

I’d worry about vomiting in the car. DS had to go to a cricket match which was some distance away. DH barely made to the motorway when they had to turn around, phone the coach etc. So I’d say it depends what state he’s in. I was going to say why is he drinking if he’s underage, then remembered this story.

Surely you visit uni as planned and he feels the repercussions of having to do 6 hours in the car and a uni visit with little sleep and a hang over. He will likely feel rubbish all day but just have to suck it up.

Always. My mum did nearly 30 years ago.

Make the ungrateful shit go.

Just sent DS2 off to Warwick with DH.
Don't worry OP, it's bog standard teenage behaviour.
Like other PP's I'd get him up, give him a brew and let him sleep in the car.
Mine was flopping around and lying on the kitchen floor just before he left, so not exactly chomping at the bit!
He's dressed, got a note book and will have his eyes open and functioning vocal chords in 3 hours time, so it's mission accomplished as far as I'm concerned 😁
(Bonus, I have the house to myself all day...😀🙌)

Yes, that can happen. They're still not 'crucial' though in that you can apply to, and attend, a university without having been to the open day.

When did parents start going to open days with students?

As someone whose had seen two DC through countless hangovers I’ve always been of the mind that if they make arrangements they stick to them and if they choose to stay out late and get pissed they still keep to their commitments and suffer.

They would be going if I’d put myself out. Mine still went to weekend jobs, college, uni lectures etc after late nights until they finally realised that they couldn’t do it anymore around 21!

make him get up and go.

Surely he's just getting into the uni lifestyle?? 😜
I'd still take him, and to the pp who said uni open days aren't crucial, I beg to differ. Ds had his heart set on one particular uni (after visiting a couple that he didn't fancy) till we visited another and the latter one just felt perfect, and that was the one he went to ....cue three years having the time of his life! Had he not visited, he'd have ended up somewhere where he may have been unhappy.

Is yours up yet?

Why does he need to go?

It's not a university he's expressed any interest in, there's another open day next month and his parents are quite happy to enjoy a free Saturday together instead.

DS went out last night and had been told by DH to not be late as DH wasn’t going to drive to uni city and back if DS was going to be a hungover zombie.

If that’s what DH told him, don’t you think you should follow through? I don’t think you and DH should give up your Saturday for a child who is not going to be in a fit state to properly consider the uni. He can go to the November one and get the train.

You aiad he went to one recently and really liked it so no wonder he isn't motivated to go to this one. Sounds like he has made his decision on where to go. I'd rather go out until 4am, having a great time, then go to some open day for a uni I'm not interested in.

Even if you get the full maintenance loan that doesn't cover rent and living expenses in many areas. DD has just started uni and
weve had to pay half the first years rent already, so even if student is working they need quite a chunk ready straight away

Meh, when I was 17 I’d get in at 4am and then do a whole days work😂
he’ll be fine, take him a cuppa. Make a joke that he can sleep off the rest of his hangover in the car and crack on with the day.
if he says he doesn’t want to go, don’t take him and chat about it later.

I'd leave him to it tbh, if he stayed out til that late he's not super into the idea currently

I think you and most others here are overreacting.

He's s good kid, so you have very high expectations of him.

But staying out until 4 isn't that uncommon. Neither is functioning on a few hours of sleep, for a teenager. Don't concern yourself with the time he got in. Concern yourself with whether he's getting up to leave for the open day. He needs to go to this open day. That was the deal and that's the consequence. Not going would be letting him off the hook.

I would make sure to wake him calmly and say: ' we are leaving at X time '. No need for any discussion or argument.

The consequence of his action is that he'll feel like crap today. If you just let him sleep, he's not living the consequence.

But I don't think it's as much of a big deal that should have you raging. He's a teenager.. they do far worse than this.

This! Does no one remember being that age? I used to roll in at 2.30 and be up for a full days work on a stable yard at 6. Out Thursday, Friday Saturday and still getting up for college and work. There is ample time for him to sleep in the car too. Seems a really small deal to me!

It's a great introduction to uni

There's another one in November. Leave it today. Going under a cloud/feeling rubbish isn't the way to review a uni.

Why you are saving OP? Are the student finance options he will get not be enough? I got a part time job during uni and it worked great.

Am I the only person who wouldn't want to get up this early and do a 6 hour drive if I'd been up at 4am (waiting for DS to come back ...?)

Is he up? Which uni btw? I loved open days for ds1. I never went to open days myself back then so enjoyed them this time.

I see why you want to go along if you’re working hard to save for it (rather than him going with friends). Maybe he will surprise you and want to go! At that age it’s not unusual to crack on with a hangover and a few hours sleep. If he’s not keen, enjoy your bonus day!