To make DS go to uni open day even though he came in at 4am?

God yeah you can't ground an 18 year old OP 😂 I'm just imagining the response I'd get from mine if I told her she was grounded 😂

When I said we would ground him, I suppose what I mean is that he won’t be allowed to go to watch his local football team this afternoon.
Not allowed? MN never cease to amaze me, parents treating young adult DC like 5 yr olds.

I have a just turned 18 year old who will be going to uni next year. We've already been to a couple of open days. If she did this, no way I'd be getting her up and making her go, what's the point? She won't take any of it in and there's also a risk of vomiting in the car if it's 3 hours, no thanks! I'd just go to the November one instead. As others have said, he needs to be motivated himself to go and also awake enough to absorb it all.

What’s thrown you exactly? A 17/18 year old partying at weekend? And now he’s grounded? Assuming you’ve not had to pay up front for anything today what’s the issue? Just have a laugh about it and go in November.

I agree, let it go, let him go to the footie & enjoy your day off with your DH after a tough fortnight. No point in souring the experience - there will be other open days & offer-holder days.

My DD didn’t go to any open days at all.

Having read your updates he sounds like a great kid and really switched on, I'd cut him some slack and remember when I'd do stuff like that which is all part of growing up.

Relationships have to change as they grow up, not letting him go to the football if you don't go today seems silly. Treat him like you'd want to be treated if you'd had a fun night last night.

This. Presumably he would have been even later if your husband hadn't called him. If he was excited at the prospect he would have behaved differently. As with all things in life "If he wanted to ,he would"

Did he get up? I think I'd leave him being and enjoy my day.

If he wants to go, take him. If not, don't.

I don't think punishment is necessary at his age. But then i never ran DC to uni open days - public transport was always the way for us.

Exactly. Sounds like no one wants to go

It’s just an open day - there are others. They’re not even that significant. We aren’t doing any more as my DD finds the whole thought of them stressful at the moment - we’ll chose the courses according to course content and reputation and then go to the much more targeted Offer Days when the staff will have an idea who she is, she can have a proper conversation about her needs and then she’ll choose the two she will accept then.

We went to a couple last year and it’s all marketting guff and a zillion kids and parents wandering into presentations late and asking stupid questions about stuff that is clearly stated on the uni webpages.

This should not be about punishment - she’s been out too late, she’ll miss out. Either reschedule or leave it. It’s his uni experience, her uni application not yours. If she regrets missing it in due course that’s a lesson she’ll have to learn. She’s nearly 18, and next year you won’t be there to ‘punish’ her anyway.

I went to university 30 years ago. There was probably a mix.

My son went on his own 6 years ago and was co-opted into another prospective student's family by her dad and spent the day with them 😁

If he isnt up and ready then dont go. If he wants it enough,he'll be ready. If he's not really that interested, he won't.

Enjoy your day off.

This is a really nice, kind thread and the advice is great. OP feeling upset is totally understandable when you're working so hard. Also agree your DS sounds great and has just misjudged this. Great advice to not stress and go with the teenager flow. I definitely find whenever I do this we have a great day, whereas when I fuss at mine (it's unavoidable as they drive you crazy😂) it doesn't have the desired effect and the whole day takes a downer. Make sure you enjoy your precious day off. Good luck.

He's going to uni next September -- please don't ground him. He's far too old for that!

i was applying in 1991. Can’t remember seeing any parents at the interview days I did. No interview for the Glasgow course thankfully.

@aintnohollabackgurl have you read OP's updates? She doesn't particularly want to go and neither does her husband, so who exactly is it benefitting to force him to go?

I'd go this way too

There’s no point taking him if it’s going to be a grumpy and unpleasant day for you all.
enjoy your day off.
He can apply and visit offer holder days to narrow it down, or go to the alternative one in November.
DD had no visits at all - Covid times - and had never been to her uni city when she arrived. I’d never actually been to Glasgow when I rocked up many years ago for my first year. Too far for open days and they weren’t so much of a thing, and never with parents, but the course and structure was what I was after.

Yep, my open days were in 1995 and my mum came. Not on the tours to the dept, but to the halls etc.

She drove me there and met me after my interview

@coffeesaveslives he's going because he's planned to go with his family and you stick to plans. It's selfish not to go.

I don't think him staying out late last night shows he isn't interested in the uni. It's just typical teenage behaviour. He was probably having so much fun and decided he'll be able to go anyway. He was caught up in the moment and wasn't able to judge the consequences.

I did that all the time when I was younger.

Even now, how many of us have been out having fun or even home having dinner and drinks with friends and we know we need to call it a night because of XY in the morning but we decide in the moment to have one more drink. We don't just cancel the activity the next day, we do it.

I didn't read anywhere he was actually not interested in the uni at all. So I may have missed it.

I think a lot of you are saying his behaviour implies isn't interested, which I disagree with.

Sorry if I missed where it explicitly says his parents want him to go to this open day and he doesn't care to go.

My mum came to both the open days I went to.
She was also very laid back about hangovers and very kind when I felt rough. She would have taken me to the open day with a hangover and bought me a bacon butty and a coffee.

I'd like to think I'll be the same with my children.

Be led by him. This is his choice. Sounds like he can't be arsed with the open day.